avid curiosity

i've been wanting to ask you something...

2012-01-21T15:50:00.002-06:00

he said to me the other day..."i wanted to ask you if you would be my girlfriend"...i closed my eyes thinking, how could i do this to this genuinely nice person...i am talking about that moment when you know someone feels something for you that you do not share...when you say to yourself "i have to be honest with this person and tell him what you are is sweet, kind, and gentle - what i am is tired, jaded, and apathetic"...

and i tried...kinda...

i've heard men say that women only want assholes or jerks...maybe that is true for some women...while i cannot speak for all women, i will say that guys who are "too" nice are like a sandwich without any meat...veggie only style sandwiches are completely overrated, btw...

when a guy makes me feel like a pervy old woman (and i'm not old, just in my thirties, thankyouverymuch!) that is preying on an innocent schoolboy, something is wrong (or is it right? i can never keep that straight!)

in the end, i did say i appreciated his thinking of me but i just am not in a position to be with anyone right now...there is some truth to that, work has had me super busy...

i've been masturbating like crazy lately...got a new toy, lelo soraya and i totally love it!...i've ejaculated several times with this thing...the kind of orgasms that leave you smiling and grinning like a fool...it's such a pretty pretty toy...i still have yet to fully explore this thing, but i just get all giddy thinking about it...i kept saying i would buy a jimmyjane but i ended up with lelo...so glad i did, but i do have my eye on two or three others...

oh, looks like it's all charged up and ready to go...what? what's that you say? it's time to play? oh, well, if you insist....

that's soraya, calling my name...;)

cg

EDIT: btw, i just saw the CUTEST leaf vibes - i am so getting one of those...

good dick

2011-10-16T19:42:00.002-05:00

i was flipping through movies and came across one called "good dick"...it isnt a new film, it's a few years old...but the title struck me and so i checked out the trailer and decided what the hell..

in a nutshell: video store clerk falls for this girl that rents soft core porn on an almost daily basis...he follows her home and proceeds to seduce her in the strangest way...she insults him, calls him names, is demanding and rude...and yet, he seems to understand that this part has to happen...as if he knows/recognizes this is a hurdle she must overcome, they must overcome...

what struck me about the movie is how i could identify with her...i am not nearly so anti-social!...yet, that sense of distance, that aloof nature, that biting attitude and distrust...it would be easy to romanticize the concept of some guy in it for the long haul, willing to accept whatever the woman has to offer - even if it means he gets nothing, all for the purpose of seeing the rainbow that will be revealed after the storm...

you dont see men willing to brave that storm too often...women do...they brave that storm...the wind, the hail, the downpour of rain pelting like little pebble....objectively, i could ponder the thought that men perhaps have more sense of self-worth than women...or is it pride?...

in the film, the clerk accepted his object of affection scars, wounds, baggage and all...he did not seem too concerned if she accepted him for himself...he presented himself to her....for her...he pushed a little here and there and if she pushed back he stepped away...

my question after watching this film: how realistic is this? would a man truly put aside his needs, wants, and self in favor of helping a woman he barely knows to see and know her value to him?...

it wasnt a super powerful movie nor was it a super sexually thrilling film considering how much sex figures into the movie...but i liked it, i could feel a little of that distance (not for the same reasons, tho) and understand how even when you push everyone away...a little part of you wishes that one day, someone would push back...and not just walk away....

cg

VOD and toys

2011-10-13T18:23:00.002-05:00

i could say that i got busy and forgot about the VOD (verb of the day) but honestly, i could not think of where to start...should i choose a verb the night before? should i choose it that morning? in the middle of the day?...so i decided i would choose it the day/night before...

the first VOD was clean...i cleaned, did laundry, and organized (life has been hectic and busy so my clean laundry has been sitting in two large baskets pleading with me to fold, iron, and put away...but i'm nobody's bitch! (not even my laundry!)...

tomorrow's VOD is inspire...i am going to see how many people i can inspire with my words/actions...i should keep a little journal...i want to be a muse...i want to be a catalyst of sorts...i want to help channel the creative energy that is spinning and humming just beneath the surface of others...

in other not-so-news, i have been toying with the thought of a new toy purchase...i have it narrowed down to two or three...i should bite the bullet (no pun intended!) and just get all three...some days i think that if i had a choice between a toy and man, i would take the toy!

i have had some interesting sexual connections lately (nothing physical at this time)...one involves a daddy/little girl fantasy play that just had me rockin' and reelin'...the arousal factor shot through the roof and the orgasms were amazing...i never thought that would have such an effect...

cg

the passage of time

2011-10-08T15:31:00.002-05:00

time has a way of slipping away at times...as a little girl, the passage of time was something i could not fully comprehend...i knew that birthdays and holidays crept by once a year and that bedtime came too soon...it's been over a year since my last post (thank you so much for those of you that have continued to email me every so often - i dont check my email frequently enough, but thanks for emailing - it means a lot to me!)...in that year, i kept saying "i need to post! i need to check out my favorite bloggers/blogs!"...but, time has a way of slipping by...

over the past year:

1. i met some really interesting people

2. i met some other people that i hope to never meet again!

3. i made some bad choices

4. i made some better choices, too!

5. i took chances - that i would normally have never taken, but at least i can say i did

6. i learned that taking chances is really a good way to grow and can make you laugh at yourself when you wonder "what the hell was i thinking??"

7. sometimes, i am just not a very nice person

other than that, life is pretty peachy...well, as long as i let that peach set in a paper bag for a couple of days, should be alright!

men are just such fascinating creatures...they have continued to drive my crazy - and not in that really hot, sexy, fabulous way!...nope, they just do and say and behave so strangely...a friend of mine consistently says "you have the WORST taste in men!"...well, i thought they tasted just fine, thankyouverymuch!! ;)

oh, i know as women we can make life hell at times for you guys...but i marvel at how men can be so utterly, adorably, sensuously charming and have the ability to say things like "you intrigue me" "i am so in like with you right now" "i've never been so into a woman like i am into you"...

do you get those from books or something?...i'm not "man-hating", nope, just curious...why say those things?...do you really think we believe those?...i would prefer not to become a cynical, eye-rolling disbeliever of all things men say/do...but, alas!...i fear it is nearly too late!

*falls to a swoon*

anyhow, i decided to do something fun and silly to make the passage of this next year go by with a bit of humor and a bit of no-regret...i read somewhere about life being a verb (sounds like a damn progressive, self-help, helpmenotbesowhinyandunhappywithmylife kind of thing)..

so, i'm going to pick a random verb and try to "do" that verb three times in one day...hell, i thought it would be kinda fun and random to do...in fact, i didnt know i was going to do it until i started typing and the idea popped into my head...fancy that!...

any verb suggestions?...

i think i might just cut them up into index cards or papers or some shit like that and randomly draw one out so i know what my focus verb will be...

i start tomorrow...the verb...

procrastinate..

;)

cg

big daddy and the sexy texan

2010-09-26T18:14:00.003-05:00

that's what he calls himself...sometimes...he pushed too hard last time...was pushing too hard again this time around...but now it seems he's gone and figured out just how the hell to get under my skin without making me roll my eyes or shoo him off...he's fired up, all right, and looking to fire me up as well...

bdenied and the missus call him boomerang, and that was what i was going to call him but i think BD will suit him just fine...

i feel him trying to "train" me or "groom" me...try is the key word...although a part of me may play along because of the novelty of it...

i had a date with ST the other day but the stars were misaligned and i had to cancel..he made up for it by sending me a sexy vid of him jerking off to some pics i'd sent him earlier that day...his cum came out so thick and milky...i cant wait to feel it in my mouth again...

these two men couldnt be any more different...they are about fifteen years apart...BD is the older one...so much self-confidence (arrogance, really) and used to getting his way always...ST is younger, closer to my age, but younger...quieter, less showy...let's me take the lead and asks before doing anything "can i kiss you?" "can i touch your breasts?" "can i please stick my finger inside you?"....there is this amazing sweetness and innocence that surrounds him...he would laugh if i told him that...

BD doesnt ask...at least not like ST would ask...he asks things like "would you slide down to your knees for me, darlin?" "why don't you open your lips so i can see how my cock looks inside your mouth?"...really, they are more commands...but done in a certain way...

i get something different out of each one...ST is dying for me to send him a vid or pic of me going down on BD (or anyone, he says)...he thinks it is so erotic...he also wants to send me vid/pics of himself with other women...

i get dizzy thinking about it all...i dont know if i could choose between both...i have the upper hand with one, but not so much with the other...having both makes it possible for me to not have to make any choices...

at least for now...

cg

the return

2010-09-12T21:46:00.002-05:00

i was younger then...in years, yes, but also in the way i saw the world and how my little piece of the puzzle would one day fit into it...i was more worried with where i would fit rather than how...he was older and strong...too strong...it was like inhaling a scent that was overpowering and seductive at the same time...i couldnt breathe...i felt constricted and frantic...

he wanted to control me, he said...but in those oh, so, subtle ways...but i would have none of it...he demanded of me, i resisted...he followed me, i ran...the harder he pursued, the faster i fled...

he became hurt and angry with me...he accused me of leading him on a merry chase, which i likely was...he wanted to smother me with sexual energy and whatever else he had left to give me...it was like being burned, it was too much...

now he's back...years later...and he still wants me...im older now, wiser in many ways...i cannot tell what he seeks this time...i havent forgotten you, he said...

this time...i am so very curious...

this time...i wonder if i will stop running...

cg

a sight to see

2010-09-12T11:24:00.002-05:00

what would you do if you invited a gorgeous young woman into your life to seduce your husband in hopes of finding out if he has been sharing his kibbles and bits with other women?...would you sleep with her after she tells you that she's slept with your husband?...well, that is exactly what happens in this movie i saw the other day called chloe with julianne moore and amanda seyfried

this isnt really a movie review just me thinking out loud...overall, i liked the film and the whole fatal attraction theme works pretty well...i had a few issues with some aspects of the film, but i wont discuss them here bc i dont want to spoil it for those of you who havent seen it!

seriously, though, in fantasy, the idea that a woman suspects her husband is cheating and then hires a call girl to present herself to the man and then gets aroused by hearing all the details that went on between the girl and the husband, well, its pretty erotic and very believable...im sure the woman would be confused by those aroused feelings and the feeling that she is losing her husband to other women...

if we take this fantasy a step further...and the woman continues to pay the young call girl to spend time with the husband and then gradually develops a physical relationship with the young girl...what would happen next?....would the husband find out and also get aroused?...would the girl and the woman begin to see each other exclusively?...

people enjoy hearing about sexual encounters..it is why they look online to find those naughty stories so they can imagine they are there in the room ...watching...maybe through a hidden corner or closet...or through a discreetly placed camera...possibly touching themselves as they watch the events unfold...

somehow, in this scenario, i think that something would be lost if the ultimate fantasy of the wife, call girl and husband all together played out...for those that enjoy that mystery and secrecy, those would, in a sense, be gone....but there would always be that lingering thought of...what if....that would add to the anticipation and sexual hum...

perhaps the reality of it...or the possibility that it could be real is what draws people to fantasies such as this one...there is a fine line for many people as to what is a fantasy and what fantasies can become reality...when those fantasies become reality, those fantasies that walk that very fine line, people stretch the concept of who they are, at least, who they thought they were...and coming face to fact with that much raw honesty can prove toxic for some...

you know what they say, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger...perhaps the same can be said here...when entering the cave of truth, if you dont flinch and face it full-force, will it make you stronger?...will it blow away everything you thought you knew?...or will it blow away in a cloud of ash leaving you lost and roaming the world in disillusion for eternity?...

in any case, check out the film, its not bad, and there is a sex scene with julianne moore and amanda seyfried!

cg

all's right with the world

2010-09-05T21:11:00.002-05:00

let's begin by shooing "whiny girl" out the door:

*takes broom and sweeps out mopey, whiny girl and gives her a firm swat on the bottom with the straw end of the broom - slams door*

*opens door again and shouts, "yeah, and dont come back here anymore! you whine too much!"

lol...seriously, men have NO idea how hormones can make women wacky...its like living with a split personality at times..fo' sho'..i have a couple of other things on my mind that i have told a couple of you about, nothing major, just little things that get the hamster rolling around...yeah, he rolls around...laughing at me...nasty little bugger...

so i talked with the young'un and he basically said "i love that you are always turned on, i just dont know what to do with you"...

bdenied and his wife had a good laugh over that one!

but here's something funny: i went to purchase a new toy and my cc was declined..i thought i entered something wrong but it didnt go through...i thought...wow, and i cant even call the cc company and ask what's up bc that would be an awkward convo:

person: hello, thank you for calling abc cc company, how can i help today?

me: yes, i was just trying to make an online purchase and it was declined. i pay off the balance regularly so i know it isnt an issue of reaching the limit.

person: hmm, well let's see if we can find out the problem. can you tell me what you were trying to purchase?

me: um, a vibrator...

person: ...

honestly, i am sure these people see and hear about all kinds of purchases people make...lol...but i certainly didnt want to try and see how that would go!...perhaps its just as well, because i really wanted this other one anyhow, but it was a bit more expensive...odd how the more expensive transaction went through! lol

all's well that ends well!...

cg

confused

2010-09-03T22:08:00.002-05:00

before i begin this post, i wanted to share a big "thank you" to those of you who have been so supportive of me and my curiosities...some of you have been following my blog for a long time, others more recently...but thank you! (you guys know who you are :)

anyhow, two things happened tonight that kinda sorta inflicted a little self-doubt...someone said that i am too intimidating because i am aroused often...too horny, he said...

wow...really?...i never thought of myself as being so horny that i am that overwhelming...i mean, yes, there are times when i can orgasm a lot and often...and other times not so much...like merlin said about the cycles of women and sexual arousal...

i will admit that i was just a tiny bit embarrassed...dont ask why, it was just a quick reaction...i have never acted like i was about to just throw him down and force-fuck him...he is a lot bigger than i am, so i dont know where he would think that...

then, not 30 minutes after that i am talking to a friend...he knows about some of my recent experiences that i've posted on here and he flat out said he didnt like it...he said "i hope you go through this phase quickly"...then he called me a slut, to which i replied, thank you...he laughed it off but i was still bothered...not by the fact that he called me a slut, but the tone and disgust i could hear in his voice...

he asked later if i was mad...and i said no, not mad, disappointed...he asked why didnt i argue back or disagree...what would be the point?...he has his opinions and i will not try to sway him...i think it bothered me because he is a good friend and i would have expected something more...

i explained that my sexual curiosities are my own and have nothing to do with him...he agreed and i could tell he was unaware he had let me down...as a friend, i dont expect him to agree with me and to jump for joy over every decision i make...but they are mine to make, good, bad, or indifferent, and the judgment that he saw fit to pass was hurtful because he is a friend...

he knows i am disappointed...i am confused and hurt to a degree...perhaps it is the feeling of being "naked" and open...i try really really hard not to judge others...i dont know the ins and outs of the lives they lead...im not perfect, i miss the mark at times...and i am okay with that...

i just have to remember that the world wont accept me the way i am...at least not all of me...which is why i am thankful that i do have such a good support here...

i hope you guys know how much i enjoy having you around to tease, chat, and engage in meaningless, er, meaningful conversation...

thank you.

cg

a mouthful

2010-09-03T20:14:00.002-05:00

he watched as i unbuttoned each of the three buttons on my blouse...his scent slithered slowly into my nostrils, racing unfiltered to my brain...i wanted to breathe it in, let in linger and savor it...i pulled my open shirt past my shoulders, exposing the soft flesh of my breasts, pale against the black bra i wore...

he reached down and pulled them out from within the confines of the dark material and latched onto one of my nipples with his mouth...he suckled them slowly, firmly taking them into his mouth using his lips, teeth, and tongue...

he reached down and slipped his hand down my leg and up under my skirt...his cool fingers slid along my thighs while his mouth continued ravaging my breasts...after a while, he pulled back and then i removed my bra enjoying the feel of having my breasts sway and move freely...

his cock lay before me...my tongue circled the head, tasting his precum...it was saltier than last time...we soon settled into a rhythm...his hands on my head, his cock slipping in and out of my mouth, at times pushing against the back of my throat...

i sat back and he reached once again under my skirt...he rubbed along my panty-covered pussy...his fingers pulled the black fabric aside and he probed with his long cool fingers, searching for the hot warmth that lay hidden...slowly, i whispered, his over-eager fingers pushed too quickly at first, excited by all the wetness...he gently eased a finger inside and our ears soon heard the soft sucking sounds of his fingers slipping in and out of my pussy...back and forth i moved with the thrusting of his hand...i could feel the wetness oozing out of me...

once again i was on my knees, his cock in my mouth, my hands on his balls...i wanted to make him cum...faster he thrust his cock into my mouth...until he whispered those three little words "im gonna cum"...thick cum filled the back of my throat and i nearly gagged from lack of air and all the cum filling my throat, but i recovered quickly and in one quick swallow it was all gone...

cg

sex bomb

2010-08-29T18:02:00.003-05:00

yesterday, i came four times...i was extremely hormonal...men have no idea what women go through!...it's like being the seven dwarfs all at the same time...i think they left out the 8th one...horny...

when i told him this was his response:

"man, you're a little sex bomb! i love it!"

we really need to fix this issue with the conflicting schedules...fast

cg

the power of the pussy

2010-08-27T19:11:00.002-05:00

one of the things i enjoy about blogging are some of the interesting people i "meet" via email...sometimes, these people drift in for a while and others will linger on....anyhow, today's post was plucked out of the in/outbox:

him: Oh come on, you can't make me believe you're what, 30-something and you haven't yet come to terms with the fact that you have to manage men? You're just in denial, that's all, hoping gravity doesn't exist, or E does not equal MC squared.

me:have you ever been a woman trying to manage men?...think about that for just a second...

on that note...last night i sent a naughty text to a man...talking about how i was using one of my toys...he said, damn, now im all hard...he wanted to call..i said...no, gn!....to which he replied "damn!...i'll get you back!"....

no you wont, i texted...why not?, he queried...because you dont have the pussy.

he's young...he has so much to learn...

him: Damn, you make a good point there. Man has to have the vitamin P, else the world stops. Okay, you win.

me: the power pussy...all holy and powerful...more than a vessel...it is like a magical chalice of goodness...there are even the rare purity pussies...pussies so pure that they can bring a man back from the brink of death..

of course, those are only rumors...

damn, that was funny, that might make a funny post lol

him: lmao, you're right, that would make a good post. Call it the holy grail of pussies. And we men will send thousands of ships across the sea just to fight and win one. Yes, this young man of yours has a lot to learn about the power between your legs.

its been a long tough week for me...work is kickin' my ass!...i'll work a "real" post for tomorrow or even later tonight if i can stay awake that long lol...

power to the pussy!

cg

making out in the car

2010-08-24T21:24:00.005-05:00

i want to see you, he said to me...

i cant...i have plans...

please...i need to see you...i can meet you anywhere, he says...

no, i am already on the way home and i have plans with friends...

please, he begs me, i have been waiting for you...i want you...now...give me 20 minutes...just to see you...nothing else...unless you want it...

i hesitated...what was i thinking?....he was around the corner...i had only to say the words and he would be here...but i also had people coming over soon...

he was there in less than a minute...i pulled on my jeans and took my hair down from its loose bun...barefoot i made my way outside...i slid into the seat and he reached for me immediately...our lips touched...i tasted his tongue...he pushed my shirt aside and pulled out my breasts...he latched on and tugged with his tongue and lips...his fingers pressing between my legs...

he pulled out his cock...he wanted me to taste it...but i couldnt...not when i knew any minute someone would arrive...i could explain a visitor, but my head in the visitor's lap?...everyone would want to know...how did you meet?...who is he?...why didnt you tell us?...

i played with it...teasing him...i wanted to taste it so bad...but i wouldnt...i wanted him to want it more...he played with my nipples...making me so wet....

he left...we both had to go....it was short...but enough of a taste to make us want more...

cg

from the outbox

2010-08-24T21:08:00.002-05:00

this was pulled from an email exchange between myself and one of my blogger buddies (he thought it would be a good post!):

my email:

oh he is so deliciously innocent i feel like a vampire ready to suck him dry!...he wanted to come over last night...i told him no...i do not live alone and these things have their time...you cannot rush into things...you must savor them and let the anticipation build a bit...you do not gulp a glass of champagne...you sip..let the fizzy bubbles tickle your tongue and the back of your throat...you savor the cool sweetness and let a soft smile play upon your lips...and maybe...at the bottom of the glass...there is a sliver of a strawberry, heavy with that cool, fizzy sweetness waiting to burst inside your mouth...

"im a terrible lover" he says "but i love going down on a woman...i could do it all day and not cum...because i want her to cum over and over..."

terrible?...because he would cum first...he says this with a chuckle...he isnt bitter or bothered...it simply is and he doesnt mind because in his words "it is all about making the woman cum"...

i asked him "what if i told you that you could have orgasms without ejaculating?"...he laughed and said it wasnt possible...oh, but it is, i said...he wants to know...how to do it...it takes time, i said...time and patience...if he is looking for a quick answer he wont find it, i said, but if he wants a journey of discovering himself through sex and intimacy, then that is a path that he may want to consider...

we would have time this weekend but i have other commitments...plus...he can wait...it will be good for you to wait, i told him...i could feel him grinning that boyish grin of his...okay... he said...i can wait!...just tell me what to do!

yes, i feel like a vampire prepping the young virgin for his fall into the dark embrace...

what a rush...

the response:

Cg, that would make a tremendous post...Very sensual and very much an erotic story and also a very good one for the girl being in charge. You tell him you have a male friend (me) who personally knows it is possible to orgasm without ejaculating....and when it happens it is so much fun....there are mystics in India who go their whole lives without spilling their seed but orgasm almost on self demand....

The journey is often the better part of the trip...The destination is always more disappointing than the travel flyer suggests....Too have a woman control the orgasm and the ejaculation is one of life's true pleasures.....that is why I love it when my wife brings me to the edge and just keeps me there...she does it as much for her pleasure...at first she thought she was depriving me of something...Now she knows she deprives me of the eternal tease if she lets me cum......

Yes my lovely vampire, suck the virginity right out of him....deny him what he wants and you will have him eating from your hand......his dick will be your dick...Your toy to take out and play with whenever you want......thanks for sharing with me..

yep, i guess that was a nice post after all!

(you really do encounter the neatest people through blogging!)

cg

i cant believe its not butter!

2010-08-20T22:32:00.002-05:00

i was looking for a new lube to use (the one i was using was causing this burning for like a day or so ...tried it a few times, same feeling...but when i didnt use it and used my own "natural" lube, i was fine)...anyhow, i am leery of commercial lubes, so in my searches i came across boy butter...

...boy...butter...

now doesnt THAT sound someone's special gfwb..."yeah, that's tom in this picture...he's my boy butter...he ALWAYS gets me going!"

it looks interesting for sure, and i think i might try some out if only to say i have...i bet it'd make an awesome bride-to-be gift, lol...

honestly, i think i might try coconut oil/butter as well (that is how i found boy butter in the first place!)...anyone ever tried it?...

cg

the good boy

2010-08-19T23:11:00.002-05:00

that was hot, he said, when i told him he was a good boy...he said he enjoys pleasing a woman and getting a reward for being good...

he is younger...several years....he may not know what he wants...

but i might be able to help him find out...;)

cg

the ponderance of men

2010-08-19T21:58:00.002-05:00

men are endlessly fascinating to this common observer of the world...how they can seem so sure of themselves one minute and so unsure of themselves the next...how they can be so hard, rough, incapable of any kind of flexibility at all and yet, like the sea, they moving soft and low then hard and deep...they project such an outward appearance of no concern regarding the opinions or thoughts of others that it may be easy to underestimate the complexity that lies beneath...

i read a comment on court's blog recently by the fascinating keats...court questioned if men at times feel that little knot of worry that can niggle, wiggle into a woman's mind, heart, and soul when feeling a lover has mentally moved on...that lack of attention or concern we perceive when we havent heard from that special person can fester into irritation, anger, sadness, and even fear...

keats replied with:

Of course men think the same.

“Where is she?”
“How come she hasn’t emailed me yet today?”
“She’s not in chat. She wouldn’t be avoiding me, would she?”

Sound familiar? The difference is that men are often egotistical non-communicators, meaning when we aren’t confident about what we want to say or how it will be received, we simply don’t communicate. I know, it’s a stupid avoidance tactic that serves to keep our fragile egos intact, but the unintended benefit is that so much just magically gets cleared up prior to us reaching our breaking point.

“Hey, babe, so you were at your sister’s all day? Yeah, I emailed once but when you didn’t respond I just figured you were off doing something. I knew you’d email when you were free. No worries.”

We’re just really really good at not letting you women see us sweat.

i thought about this for a while...it lingered in my brain and sat comfortably in a tiny nook, settling...are we as women so concerned with ourselves that we forget the humanity that, even if only a little!, lies buried beneath this exterior that men portray to us?...we scheme on attention seeking behaviors (oh, how we praise ourselves for our subtlety that surely no one else can see!) in order to captivate, enchant, and beguile our men...it reminds us of our femininity and our power to capture the heart (if only for a brief moment!) of our prey (for make no mistake, gentlemen, you are the prey and we are the huntresses)...

when i told keats that i was inspired to create a post on his comment, he seemed somewhat amused that perhaps my post would be about something that had caused me to become distraught, upset...how very wrong you are, sir!...

i do not think my pendulum will swing so far to the extreme that i will overcompensate and flood my lovely interest(s) with undying attention (after all, who would want THAT 24/7) to make sure he knows i am thinking of him...however, i will endeavor to remember that men do enjoy those special notes, gestures, and tokens of attention as well...they may not show their appreciation in the same way as a woman would, but that increased ardor in the bedroom (or hallway, living room, bathroom, kitchen table) will their way of saying "hey, babe, thanks for that email today, that made my day!"

(ironically, i cannot STAND the word "babe"...not quite sure why...has always bothered me...but only when someone uses it with me, i could care less when other people use it with each other)

cg

missed opportunities

2010-08-17T20:03:00.002-05:00

i got some naughty pics from sexy texan...they were very nice!...my week has been very hectic so time hasnt been on our side for setting up time to get together again...but then i get a text...can we meet tonight?...damn!...i really wanted to..but there is just no way with the way my week has been at work...maybe later this week?...def next week...

tonight, though, i will take a long, lovely bath...soak in the hot scented water...and relax by candlelight...i'll probably have a toy with me...i wont be intent on release...it will be sexual therapy without orgasm...just teasing and stroking...a slow unwinding of all things...i will clear my mind of everything but the sensation of the water on my skin...the soft glow of candlelight...the water that moves with my hands...arms...legs...i will feel my soul sigh a blissful breath as it re-connects with me...all the soft edges of it slipping into place...

cg

sexual freedom or sexual danger?

2010-08-15T19:29:00.002-05:00

a while back i engaged in a discussion with a friend regarding the film "looking for mr. goodbar" (if you haven't seen it, this stars a fabulous diane keaton...imo, probably one of her best films ever)...my friend advocated the film as an example of what happens when women engage in promiscuous behavior...while, i agree that the film, which is based on some actual events, does flash major warning signs to women who are questioning their sexual roles, i thought about what she said...that this film should be watched by women so that they may not stray to the "dark side" of sexual things...

this led to a discussion regarding the sexuality of women in general with one simple question: are women who choose to explore different parts of their sexuality in essence courting danger?

women are consistently labeled the "weaker sex"...no matter the strides over time that women will make, they will always be "softer", "sweeter", and, thus, bring out the more protective nature from others...when a woman makes a break from what is considered traditional or conventional, suddenly those protective urges dissipate..."she shouldnt have done that" say other women when a provocatively dressed female is taken advantage of...

and men can be the worst...they speak of a desire to see women embrace their sexuality...to be open and free...and how they love it!...until that woman falls from grace...when her private sexual freedoms are discovered...those men who cheered and encouraged the most...are the ones who suddenly become so quiet...

at work, my boss speaks of those who choose to live an unconventional lifestyle...i spoke of a waitress at one of my favorite restaurants who happened to be transitioning...she was sweet and kind and witty...my boss wrinkled her nose and said "oh, cg, i just cant understand why someone would do that to themselves! would you call it a him or a her or just an it?"...i quietly said "well, based on her long hair, simple makeup, and skirt, i would call her a "she" since a person most certainly could not be called an "it"...

the reality is that as much as we want people to embrace their individuality, we expect them to do so discretely...to not flaunt it in the faces of those who make the choice to not knock on the unknown doors of sexual curiosity...because if you knock on something, chances are it may fall on you...and whose fault would that be?...tsk tsk tsk....

even now, at times, i struggle myself with accepting parts of my own sexuality...with each passing day, though, i learn to question less and find the joy in the things i am curious about...good, bad, or indifferent it is who i am and how i learn about myself and others...is it sexual freedom or sexual danger that i court?...

hopefully the freedom, lol, but as someone once said "as soon as there is life, there is danger"...

cg

like a needle in a haystack

2010-08-14T10:06:00.002-05:00

im always curious about how people manage to find my blog...so here is a current breakdown of searches and blogs that lead to me:

searches:

"he sucked my boobs he fucked me" ( i really dont know how bc when i clicked it i couldnt find me)

"i needed a cock between my legs"

"cum sicle" (i get this one a lot)

"sucked his cock"

and then a lot for just "avid curiosity" which is different

most of the people that come to my blog come from the same places all the time:

scott and emma (they really push the limits at times - not for the faint of heart! lol)

jake (facts and friction) (always hot, always sexy)

bdenied (great blogger buddy!)

dateable dork (she's a mess lol and ALWAYS funny...& guys, she posts pics from time to time!)

the first three have been the most consistent for at least a year i think...just interesting to find out where the pervs come from!

i saw this clip of an underwater blowjob from TBK last night...and while i found the woman's make up hideous the idea of giving a bj while submerged underwater was kinda interesting...i have to give the woman props because it had to be hard as hell since she was sucking cock, holding her breath under water, and trying to keep from floating up all at the same time...and keeping her eyes open...

but i will admit that now i am curious to try that...and the best part of the clip was how it looks when a man ejaculates under water...that was very erotic...

cg

pardon me, but your flight has been delayed

2010-08-12T20:41:00.002-05:00

so date with sexy texan...delayed...ugh...so not fair...

and the minute i found out...it was like my well of pussy juices turned to sand...drier than bone dry...which is terrible! (and probably only short lived...i'll be wet and ready again in no time ;)

soldier boy has been calling...a LOT...speak of the devil, guess who's calling right now??...

i asked him if he's fucked anyone lately and he seemed a little shocked...then i asked him to tell me if it was good...how was she?...did he cum anywhere interesting?...after a while he could tell i was getting aroused...so he started to get aroused...

the more he told me about how they fucked and licked and sucked each other the more wet i became...my clit getting harder...

i came pretty hard and he did too...we had never talked about something like that before...it makes me even more turned on when i know i've turned someone on and they go and fuck someone else..

time for this curious girl to curl up under the covers and fall into the arms of morpheus...

cg

catch me if you can

2010-08-11T19:34:00.002-05:00

i have always had very vivid dreams...for as long as i can remember...dreams that are like movies and sometimes i am myself and other times i am someone else, but i am watching myself play the part of someone else...hope you can follow that one!...

anyhow, many of my dreams often have recurring themes, which is pretty normal for most people i think...one of the themes is being chased...i have this intense bubble of excitement...like a laugh i can barely contain...in my dreams, i am not frightened...i know i will get caught...and therein lies the excitement...i am running and hiding and doing everything i can to avoid getting caught, but in my heart i know whoever is chasing me will catch up to me sooner or later...

i revel in knowing i lead such a merry chase...my heart pounds beneath my breast and my lips are spread in a soft, open smile as i breathe in and out...

most of the time in my dreams i am wearing something long soft and sheer...my hands hold up the long skirts and my hair is beginning to fall out of some loosely arranged updo...my skin feels cool the breeze licks my flesh and the sun is almost always setting...again, as if the chase is almost at an end...a time symbol of sorts...

bdenied suggested that perhaps i want to be desired and cherished...that's possible...

at this point, at least, i have never been caught in my dreams...i wake up feel light and breathless..as if i have spent the entire time running from someone or something...and filled with some buzzing energy...

cg

you are my soul mate

2010-08-10T19:55:00.003-05:00

lol...a friend of mine said that to me the other day...he was struck by our easy compatibility and spoke of the possibility that we are soul mates...not in a "true love" kind of way...but in a sense that we share a deep connection and never do we have a boring conversation...

so, is it possible to have a soul mate that is platonic?...

is it possible to share a deep connection based on something inexplicable...that allows a complete acceptance for each others total being?..

it certainly is an entertaining thought!..

in other news, sexy texan sent me some sexy pics today...we have both been busy at work the last couple of days and he wondered if i had lost interest in him...of course i hadnt lost interest and i told him so...then he said the most fascinating words i always love to hear from men...

i want to please you...

there were more words in the email but that was all i needed to see...he described in detail how he wanted to please me...feeling me cum all over his fingers, hands, cock....i was instantly aroused and feeling warm and sexy all at the same time....

seeing his cock in those pics made me want to have him in my mouth once more...tasting him, sucking him, making him cum...

is it friday, yet??

cg

to blow or not to blow?

2010-08-09T19:10:00.002-05:00

well, if you read the last couple of posts then you know the answer to that one..to blow...in a car, to be exact...

we had not planned on meeting...then he texts me...i will be on your side of town for business, will you be available to meet after?...i knew he meant meet for something sexual...this was no "hey, let's have coffee and chat!"...problem was i already had plans with friends and i was not about to bail on them for cock no matter how much i wanted it...there is this saying "bros before hos"...is there one like that for women like "chicks before dicks"?...lol...hahaha...i dont know if i would ever say that but that's pretty funny right there!...

he understood and i would txt when i was finished...except it was later than either of us expected so i just went home, took a shower and had just decided to run a quick errand to the grocery store when he texts me...did i still want to meet up...i wont lie, i got an instant throbbing between my legs...i couldnt believe what i was doing...i told little cg i was going to the store and would be back in a while (this isnt unusual, i do things at odd times)...

so in a dark parking lot under a tree we met...it was tense between us...the good kind of tension...he was very aroused...i could feel he wanted to grab me and just kiss me...he waited for me to make a move or say the word...i guess i hesitated a bit too long because he went straight for my shirt and pushed it aside so he could get to my breasts...earlier, i had shown him pics of two bras and i told him that the next time we met i would wear the one he wanted...he pushed my bra up and moaned when he touched them...he teased and pulled at my nipples before pulling them into his mouth...

his hand reached between my legs and rubbed me through my jeans...i felt hot all over...i pulled his head closer to my breasts and he bit my nipples...

he sat back after a while and pulled his cock out...he gave me that look again that said "i want to fuck you"...i immediately went down and put my mouth on his cock...guys, the sounds you make when a woman goes down on you...wow...it's awesome...his hand rested gently above my head as if he was unsure if i would mind or not...his hips lifted and we developed a rhythm where i would suck hard, my hand massaging his balls and he would push in and out and then i'd go down further and he would push harder and his cock would push against my throat a few times...

then i would lick, suck, and stroke his cock again and again...when i would come up for a breather, he would stroke me between my legs and suck on my nipples...again and again i would swallow his cock...tasting him precum...i wanted to push up his shirt and kiss his chest and lick around his nipples but for some reason i held back...

i dont know if he realized but a car nearby was watching us...it was hot...

we had talked about swallowing and i told him maybe next time so he didnt finish...we werent prepared with clean up and last time he came so much that he didnt want to ruin his pants since he had a bit of drive to get home...he wanted so badly to make me cum, he told me...

afterwards, when we parted (again, i could feel he wanted to kiss me, and i turned at the last second...we talked about that and i told him he needs to tell me what he wants/needs because i cannot read signals and i work better with words lol)...then we talked on the phone and said "it was so perfect...you were so perfect"....

i'm guessing he enjoyed it...immensely...later he told me that i essentially sucked his cock for 30 minutes off/on...it felt like only five min...lol...

next date is this week...hmm...wonder what will happen next...hehehe

cg

blowin' through the jasmine in my mind

2010-08-08T21:36:00.002-05:00

what is it about the scent of jasmine that is so seductive, soft, and inviting...i just finished shaving and after i do that i like to put my fave balm...delicious jasmine on my nether lips...leaves them soft and scented...i will def use this for next date with sexy texan (which is this week)...damn, just thinking of that makes me aroused as all get out...

biguy was getting all hot and bothered over my last post...he's such a little perv! lol...and yes, hon, i know you read this and i know you were getting aroused...this is me calling you out on it!...

sexy texan has sent me some delicious pics that i have been masturbating to...he has such a delicious cock...cant wait to have it my mouth again...

in other news, we will call him "banker"...has just tried a little too hard...too cerebral in his seduction that it leaves me feeling...dry...literally...which is a shame because he is very attractive and very intelligent...but almost "businesslike" about it all...too casual as well...everything is about whether i find him attractive or not...and sometimes it isnt about that...well, perhaps on some level it is...anyhow, we have a date this week...but a part of me just wants to cancel and say, this isnt going to work...

i'll have to think about it a little more...

cg

a trip to the park

2010-08-08T12:34:00.002-05:00

one of the last posts i mentioned a date where we had strong sexual chemistry...first of all, he was proof to me that initial reactions to ppl dont always factor into chemistry...i mean...i am very short...and he is very tall (which i knew from pics and what he'd said)...usually, i dont like guys to be more than ten or twelve inches taller than me...he surpassed that by a lot...but he was very nice, sweet, and around my age...

we met at a park and when i saw him i gave him a hug and when he leaned over so that i could do that, he was went right to my hip and kinda squeezed lightly...now, prior to this, we had exchanged emails, texts, and talked on the phone...i will say this...his voice...damn...that deep southern voice...just did things to me that he doesnt know about yet lol...and when that voice goes with that whole "southern gentleman" thing...if you dont know what im talking about, find one of them and you will totally understand! lol...

i did my usual avoid too much eye contact, talk too much thing until i settled down a bit...we walked around and just talked for a while...i could tell that he was trying to let me get to a comfort zone...he kept his distance and kinda watched me for cues...

it was raining a little so we went into his car...there wasnt anyone around but we were in a residential area so cars would come and go but with the time of day, weather, and where we were situated, we were a bit secluded...

i could tell by the look in his eyes that he was somewhat aroused...we had had discussions of semi-public acts of intimacy and i knew that he was thinking of that...i undid the top of my shirt and told him i was nervous...he laughed and showed me his hands and that he was nervous too...that his palms were sweaty and he wiped them on his pants...the minute his hands touched my breasts there was a very clear connection...his fingers were long and cool and eager to reach into my bra...his mouth latched onto my breast, pulling the nipple into his mouth with the bristles of his facial hair brushing against my breast...he wanted to touch my between my legs but i wasnt quite ready for that...

he eased my other breast out of the bra and teased my nipple with his lips, tongue, and teeth...i wanted to let go...but something made me hold back...i think it was watching cars drive past...

i wanted to see his cock...he pulled it out...and he was stroking it while playing with my breasts...he told me he really wanted to feel my lips on it but that he would understand if i didnt want to on the first time we met...i leaned over and flicked my tongue against it...he arched his back and raised his hips and moaned softly...

he asked me if i wanted to see him cum...and i did...so i wrapped my fingers around his cock and rubbed his precum over the head...when he came...it was hot, thick, and creamy...it came it giant spurts...all over my hand and on his pants (which he wasnt expecting, typically lands on his stomach and chest)...luckily, i happened to have a wet wipe thing in my purse and he had napkins in his car...i knew that we would meet again....and that next time i would most def be putting his cock in my mouth...

i am getting wet just thinking about it...

cg

comment moderation

2010-08-07T15:04:00.003-05:00

ugh...i hate comment moderation bc it is just one more thing for me to do, but i kept getting all those stupid things on my comments...in general, most comments will be allowed to go through...whether you like me or not...just not the spam whatnot...

just fyi....

cg

updates, new ppl, and renewed energy

2010-08-07T13:57:00.002-05:00

coming back here is like coming home to a house that has been vacant for years but has so many good memories...curtains are opened to welcome streams of pale yellow light that reveal floating dust particles that have been sitting and waiting for someone to cast them aside...floors are dusted and cleaned to showcase worn, but sturdy wood planks that creak in certain places but are eager for more visitors to admire their classic beauty...linens are washed and returned to their rightful places with a sigh that whispers, you've come home...you've come home...

that was awfully dramatic on my part, lol, but i do have a bit of the drama within me at times...

although i've been busy (who isnt??), i am determined to make regular posts on here again...i miss you guys (well, those of you that still pop in from time to time...come back, come back!)...

cg has been a busy girl and i have actually been meeting lots of new ppl...it all started with biguy...yep...he planted the seed in my brain without even knowing...we all out having drinks one night (cg, biguy, little cg) and he was talking about how he needed to meet more ppl...and then a friend of mine said how ive become this wretched little hermit (oh, i know, only the very dearest of friends will tell us such lovely things about ourselves!) that holes herself away night after night, week after week...you get the idea...

so...i made it a goal to shed that hermit skin (yes, i know it's a shell, but its more fun to say skin)...i wasnt/am not looking for a relationship, just see what adventures/experiences i get out of it all...

so let's go through the dates, shall we?

1) nice, long lunch...no real sexual energy/chemistry but great conversation...he wanted to continue the date at the movies...i declined (two hour lunch is plenty long enough for a first date, imo) and said i'd be up for it another time...then...i sent followup thank you email next day thanking for lunch, etc, very general...email didnt go through...sent again, same response...so cg sent brief reply via chat thanking for lunch, email issue, understanding that probably didnt want to meet again, no hard feelings...i get a response...his gf found the email (lol, i know, right??) exchanges, was upset, made him delete the acct, blah blah blah...whatever, it was funny, tho, right?

2) very very intelligent...dinner date...great connection...attractive...then comes the punchline...has a gf (this is going to be a recurring theme, lol) but would love to have arrangements with me if i am interested...i declined saying i really didnt want to have a cuckoo woman chasing me down and making my life crazy...but i said if he wanted to remain friends, i was cool with that...he said that was fine...

3) super young...early 20s...very very sexual and attractive...smart, funny, different in a good way...poor baby has so many life issues right now that anything more would be way too complicated and unnecessary...but we get along great and once he gets life together (which may or may not happen anytime soon) he'll be amazing for any woman...at this time, we are good friends...

4) another young'un (there is such a thing as too young, either mentally or biologically, and this one was it!)...waay too comfortable too fast...i felt like i was scolding him the entire time (dont slap my ass, dont touch me here/there)...and i totally gave that stern parent look more than once along with a few finger wags...it was not fun and i will NOT revisit that one again...not even when he went on and on about his sexual skillz...hell NO...

5)strong sexual chemistry...both meetings went very very well...talk centers mostly around sex...which is fine with me...he came on my hand the first night we met...nice...set to meet again end of next week...

6) another crazy intelligent one...he very much wants a fwb thing...i'm not sure...he's attractive, intelligent, etc...but maybe we are both too much of the same intellectually...also, #5 seems very intent on pursuing me but not too aggressively and i dont think i could handle sexual relations with more than one person at a time...but, we are set to meet again this week, so, we will see what develops...

7) female, totally friends only...she is very sweet and we seem to get along rather well...she is having some relationship issues that i dont know if i want to discuss here...she knows about my blog, but not sure what she would feel comfortable about me discussing...

and in the middle of all of the above...soldier boy kept calling and calling...wants to hook up again...he's older now (hell, i'd forgotten he'd aged lol) and seems calmer...but...idk...sure, he's got an big cock, but that isnt everything and his drama is too much...

also, that friend i mentioned with all the drama has more drama...i told him..for someone who (in his own words) has no friends, no job, no life, you sure have a LOT Of drama...his gf (who is with another guy) has left him (again), he is having lots of seizures, losing more relationships due to drama with the gf and other personal problems...i maintain a friendship bc i know i might be the only person who will listen and he knows it too...he needs help, he knows it...he needs to let go of the gf and focus on his health and his child...hopefully he will listen!

whew!...that was a lot of typing...i will update more tomorrow...

cg

absence makes the heart grow fonder...

2010-04-16T10:09:00.002-05:00

so they say...or, so someone once said...perhaps my absence has made your hearts grow more fond or fonder...which is grammatically correct? ...does it matter....

i've been meaning to update on the married friend i posted about a couple of posts ago...he read it and was a little upset...

anyhow, i did something that for sure many people would not do, but...here it goes...i gave him some money because he had nothing and, at the time, was snowing and he had no electricity...so...i gave him money for that, some gas, and food....

i did it as a friend, because there are times when i have needed help (not necessarily financially), and someone has freely given that assistance...he never asked for it either...i freely gave it, no strings...the question here is this: was there anyone else, a family member or other friend, that could have helped him out?...the answer is: not exactly...for whatever extenuating circumstances there are, he does not have that kind of relationship with them...it wasnt much, only $250...but it is an enormous amount when you dont have it...

here's a question for everyone (completely unrelated to the above information): if you arent physically attracted to someone, do you still go out with that person out of curiosity that something may develop or do you just keep it as friends?...the reason i ask is that someone i know has been asking me out a lot (i continually say no) and i am tempted to say yes for some unknown reason...if you ask me "do you like him"....i'd say...eh...i guess...the answer is "i should like him in "that" way"..but...i dont...at least i dont think i do...or do i just say that because i'd rather not fuss with it all...anyhow, i am thinking of say "yes" just for the hell of it...not sure why...i sometimes lack the ability to justify my answers...but then i realize...i dont always have to justify them, do i....

ah well...

cg

and then i came

2010-03-01T21:14:00.003-06:00

it had been a long time since i had found something while browsing online that aroused me so much i had to come...of course, it had been a long time since i'd browsed online period without it relating to work...

because it had been so long the arousal was not a slow-building one...it was intense, fast, and hot...it wasnt necessarily what i was seeing/reading...it was that my brain said, "oh, yesss...i've missed that"...

and my brain sent this instant text message to the cradle of warmth between my legs and i was pleased to know i was able to achieve this intense arousal with little encouragement...

oh, how i enjoyed the wetness, the scent, my gasps for breath....that warm, melting feeling as i slipped away into this delicious place of heightened senses...further i fell into the welcoming arms of my own sensuality...

and then i came...

cg

update and a funny i came across

2010-02-28T11:30:00.002-06:00

okay, so update on the last few months...i've been hibernating...i dont know how those of you who live where it snows all the time can handle that lingering cold weather...i used to think "oh, how fun!"...yeah...well, that was before the warm temperatures took a lickin' and ran away from mid nov to now...i know, i know, i am just whining, but this texas flower just ain't used to it none!...

someone i've known for a long time recently told me some interesting stuff...if you are reading this, dont get mad, just know that no one on here knows who you you are (let's hope!)...

first - we started up communications again last spring...

second - he has attempted self-euthanasia (my own term for it) twice in about 4 or 6 weeks

third - he told me two days ago that: a) when we started up communications again he was MARRIED (still is) b) he has a child he NEVER told me about

he said he never told me because he was afraid he would lose me...hmm...but you were married with a baby on the way...that would have been nice information to know...granted, he says they were unhappy, but still...

i told him that he needs to shift his fixation off of me and onto himself and his child (he is in process of divorce)...

i am not angry...i am super-surprised...but,like i told him, in a way i am not...i always knew he wasnt telling me everything...things centered around his depression and me to the point that i felt a lot of guilt when he would tell me about his s-e attempts...primarily because of the "i wanted something and i know i cant have it" (me)...

now i totally understand that it really has nothing to do with me (which i knew inside) but with the drama of being married, having a child, not being with that child (i wont go into that here), and the complications that result when you try to take your life twice and have the realities of life to go back to...the problems do not go away...

i do not know if he wants to help himself tho...i think, in a sense, it is easier to not face the realities, let them overwhelm him...he sees life as insurmountable...something to fall away from...the depression and other issues do not help, and yes, he is seeking medical help for all of that...

a friend of mine has suggested that i cut off total communication from him...that i cannot and should not help him...i see his point...

is it terrible that listening to his plight made me look at my own life and totally put things into perspective...nothing i have ever experienced has ever ever come remotely close to all of that...the most struggle was with EHB...i havent heard from her nor do i care to...what galls me is that in many ways i am very much like her...family!

oh!...also, here was a little funny i got from sage's blog...

LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT.

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED..

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET

* A JOB,
* A DRIVERS LICENSE,
* SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
* WELFARE,
* FOOD STAMPS,
* CREDIT CARDS,
* SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
* FREE EDUCATION,
* FREE HEALTH CARE,
* A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
* BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
* THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRYS FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DONT GET ENOUGH RESPECT
* AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION!

toodles!

cg

surely you were meant to listen to this song

2010-02-27T23:18:00.002-06:00

i've been a fan of trixie whitley for a while now and this latest collab effort is just amazing....supposedly the link is good for only 30 days...go listen...

cg

i want to fall in love with you...

2010-02-21T19:58:00.003-06:00

she said...i want to love you like no one ever has or ever will...with no expectations...no derision...just warmth of heart and joy of spirit...

i want you to feel like you are capable of everything and anything you set out to try...and i want you to take my hand when you fall and feel like failure is all around...i want to care for you because you deserve it...because you are special to me, she said...

i want to feel the joy in your heart when you finally finish a challenging task...i want to feel your laugh deep inside my soul....i want to know you...and never let go...but never hold on...

this is what she said to me when i looked in the mirror this morning...

why must we feel guilty for wanting to love ourselves deeply and without fear...we forget that we are our very own best friends...when others chastise us for being who we are we apologize and make excuses...and even if they are always honest excuses...having to make them reduces our self-worth a little more each time...

we forget that we never have to apologize to ourselves...

it's been a long cold winter...even down here in texas...and yet i can feel the promise of renewal in the air...i can smell the earth turning and churning as new growth begins...

perhaps it's time for a little self-growth...

cg

every rose has its thorn

2009-11-22T21:06:00.003-06:00

i've been away mourning the loss of a very close friend...things have been hectic in general because of the impending thanksgiving holidays and family traditions, etc...but when i have those quiet moments and i am alone i feel that loss inside, raw and aching...

isnt it interesting that when you feel the most urgent need to talk to someone about the things you feel inside, no one is ever around?...you are the first to be called when people find themselves in a crisis or overwhelmed with life...i suppose that is the nature of being viewed as the strong, independent type...

i am inspired by this person's life...and death....to carry on a legacy of those things that this person believed in so much...but realistically i understand that i should not take it all in...else i will drown from my overflowing cup...

it isnt a terrible sadness that plagues me right now...just one question: how far can someone bend before hearing that terrible crack indicating a break?...

cg

threesome with bi-guy

2009-11-06T20:32:00.002-06:00

well, not really lol...but lil cg, bi-guy, and i are chatting, drinking dirty navels (fuzzy navel with extra shot of vodka...:D)...been a while!

anyone on google chat?...say hi (it says i am offline but i am really there...incognito)

damn...this alcohol is making me flush...lil cg said..."you've got a royal flush!" referring to my flushed cheeks!

cg

educational attraction

2009-11-03T21:10:00.002-06:00

recently, DD (lol on the "double" d's) raised a bit of a ruckus with her list of requirements regarding men...go read that FIRST before you read the rest of my post...go on!...

*************************************************************************************

the biggest issue she raises is the emphasis on education and its attraction component...how attracted are we to people who are at least as intelligent as we are?...once in the bedroom, do you ask your partner..."hey, before you slip that condom over your cock, i need to know one thing...how many degrees do you have?"...probably not...

let's look at this a different way...the fact that a person has taken the time to do well in higher learning means something...depending on where you are in life...these issues tend to be more important with those under 40/45 for some reason...why is it that those that fall into older brackets do not see formal education as an attraction variable?...they seem to quickly ascertain a level of intelligence based on the ability to convey thoughts and are more attracted to those that have a better developed emotional intelligence...

(i apologize for my incoherent, rambling, i suddenly realize i am tired, tired, but i want to finish this!)

why are some people more attracted to others who have "made the grade" even years and years after "making the grade" becomes irrelevant?...perhaps because we often associate education with intelligence and intelligence with ability and ability with potential...

unfortunately, many of the great ideas do not come from those who did well in school...they come from those who did well at what they were passionate about...

i support DD's efforts...she does not want to wait and find out if mr goodbar will be mr smartbar after several drinks and wasted time...she wants to know up front...do you have what i want between those ears?...

in the end, is it really any different than choosing a mate because of their ability to hunt well?...talk about bringing home the bacon...i can imagine our female cave woman rejecting a suitor because he couldnt hack it in nature and couldnt catch a fish to save his life (much less her own!)...and i can imagine our cave man rejecting a female suitor because she could not prepare the kill he brought to her for consumption later that evening...what the hell, woman?..i brought you a big cat!...make me dinner!...

nope, not too different...of course, back then they probably didnt have Hunter and Gatherer School...but if they did, i bet DD would want the valedictorian of the class! ;)

cg

why i dont want kids

2009-11-02T21:42:00.002-06:00

top ten reasons why i dont want kids:

because little cg drives me bonkers and is the same as having a kid (she's lived with me forever it seems...okay, ten years isnt forever, but it sure feels like it!)

(so all ten reasons are the same)

all weekend long she boo hoos about things she should have taken care of and now she's in a pickle and needs me to swoop in and save the day...nothing serious, but to her it feels like its the end of the world...i have to tell her...the world will end...as soon as the semester is over...

i love profs who think they are making a difference in the lives of their students by pushing them really hard and then they pride themselves when everyone struggles...because, you know, struggling students is a sign of a truly dedicated instructor!...cant wait for mnwhr to comment on THAT one lol)

************************************************************************************

thursday night i get a call from musician...except no voice...instead it is a throng of voices...and then i hear "this next song is dedicated to someone special...she couldnt be here tonight but i wanted to sing something just for her....cg, this is for you!"...sounds great, right?...except, i didnt know the song...couldnt hear the words...nice and bluesy, but no clue what it was...

then the song ends and so does the call...how bizarre...

our sat night was good, tho...we went out in costume and enjoyed ourselves...i swear tho, if that damn woman sings "wind beneath my spleen" one more time...if i was a meaner person i'd throw tomatoes at her...if i was a nicer person i'd throw cotton balls...or un-used tampons...yep...

line of the night..."if i wasnt so damn drunk i'd buy you a cheap drink"...aww...really??...that is so sweet...if i wasnt so sober i might toss some ice down your pants...then laugh....hard...i will laugh...hard....i will laugh hard....

yep...

sorry for the lame post...super tired...got a lot on my mind and i just need to sleep...

cg

new post on curiosities

2009-10-27T21:15:00.001-05:00

the devaluation of american children

cg

may i have a glass of whine, please?

2009-10-26T20:52:00.002-05:00

not whining, really...just twisted the wrong way (hmm...so which is the correct way to twisted oneself when exiting a vehicle??)...trying to rush out to avoid the deluge of H2O that was weeping from the smoke-colored clouds crowding overhead...and did i succeed?...of course not...i was wearing a dark pink top (which is NOT see-through)...however, once you become utterly drenched, guess what happens?...yep, suddenly it's grossly obvious that i have on a black bra underneath because i hear co-workers say "i can see your black bra! it's so pretty!"...

...

doh!...i feel the flames of mortification crawl under my skin and fan out all over my chest, neck, and face...i get the looks of "icantbelievesheswearingablackbrawithapinkshirt!"...bite me!...go fuck yourself while i laugh when you cant find your honey pot and you cry like a little baby because you cant get no satisfaction!...

so that was a wee bit dramatic...anyhow...soaking wet, twisted back, and dreary day...yep...where is that glass of wine...

guess a nice cup of hot tea will do...i have a lovely pomegranate tea...

and i'm chilled from in and out of the rain today so my nipples are like hard rocks...just need to get cozy in bed and wave a hand to the rest of the world...

cg

undercover lovers report

2009-10-25T14:41:00.002-05:00

title sounds exciting, huh?...actually this is just a quick listing of the searches people use to find this blog...check it out:

"sexy growling guys"

"your clit is huge"

"porn curiosities"

"men make funny sounds when they cum"

"sexy woman make me crazy"

so there ya have it...the circuitous route people travel to this blog...

if you are one of the ones that used those searches, i hope you found something interesting to read and if not then keep searching til ya find what you are looking for...

i always wonder how people find their ways here...a curiosity...

cg

not as bad as last weekend

2009-10-25T09:39:00.003-05:00

no, i didnt crawl to bed with my pants falling behind me...i did better :)

anyhow, once again we ran into the "bamas" (we do that every so often which is odd because they travel a lot and are extremely mobile)...they throw back their beers like the world is about to end and they want to imbibe as much bud light as they can...then they wonder "man, i must be tired i think i'm getting drunk"...hmm...could the fact that you have had 4 beers in the last 30 minutes be a contributing factor?...that and you just keep going at that pace?...

but an interesting factoid emerged...another night little cg and i had gone out and met up with 2 of the 'bamas (i think there are like 4 or 5 of them? maybe?) and then towards the end of the night, one of them seemed to just take off and left the other one stranded (i wanna say that i blogged about this when it happened but i spent a few minutes looking for it and said fuck it, if you are that curious go do your own damn scavenger hunt!)

we were pissed because we had to take his fucking ass home...he called his friend and his friend "supposedly" left and wasnt coming back for him...i say "supposedly" because the friend that left him was one of the 'bamas we ran into last night and his version of the story was a teeny bit different...

his story: "he told me to leave that he was going home with ya'll...and now i hear that he made me to look like the bad guy!...he's a damn liar is what he is"...

hmm...interesting...but, we arent stupid girls...we dont always make the smartest choices, but we are not THAT stupid and we just took that other guy home that night...oh, he asked lil cg if he could come home and she said "hell no! we'll take you home and drop you off"

ah, what a night...football, friends, and OB...

cg

meet the female hormones

2009-10-23T23:33:00.003-05:00

i was feelin' frisky but oddly sad and whiny...fuck, it's hard being a female with raging hormones...it's like a woman's body is a playground and all her hormones are all these problem kids...

over in the corner is Sad Sally...yeah, she cries all the time and doesnt know why...poor Sally...she wants to smile and stop crying but when anyone asks her if she's okay she just throws herself to the ground and boo hoos like a big fat baby...

on the swings are the twins...Temper and Tantrum...oh, they are cute and cuddly, but beware...they BITE!...you even THINK about saying no or stop and they will scream, yell, kick, scratch, and claw their way out of the word "no"....dont believe me?...go ahead...just say "hi" and see what happens...

standing at the steps to the slide is Pensive Polly....she overthinks so much that by the time she decides to actually take a step up the slide she's forgotten why the fuck she wanted to get up the slide in the first place, after all what's so fun about sliding on your ass??...she should have just gone to take a nap...no one understands her anyway...

laying on the picnic table is Dozing Darlene...Darlene just needs a little nappy wappy to make herself feel better...she doesnt understand it because she gets plenty of sleep the night before, but sometimes she gets sooo incredibly exhausted that her eyes begin to close and before she knows it she is fast asleep...

and hiding underneath the picnic table is Munching Maria...damn that girl can eat!...she munches and crunches and munches and crunches...then she talks to Sad Sally about it and they cry together...

humping the horse on the carousel is Horny Helen...she just cant get enough (know the song??)...but she only wants it when she wants it...doesnt make sense but sometimes she's super horny and wants it BAD...then suddenly...she doesnt want it anymore...she learned it was easier to just invest in a few "accessories" so that she can attend to her needs when SHE feels like it...

of course, off to the side in her EMO-tastic ensemble is Angry Arneth (wouldn't you be angry if you were named Arneth??...and if you are...um...i'm sorry i used your name...it's really quite unique!)...she is angry, vicious, and sneaky...she will cut you up into teensy weensy widdle pieces before you know it!...it's always your fault, just remember that when you deal with Arneth...

now that you've met the crew, just remember...they have LOTS of friends....they will cut a bitch without thinking twice...and then cry about it over a junk food festival before fucking some guy they may or may not know...then fall asleep and do it all over again...

cg

hibernation is over

2009-10-22T23:34:00.002-05:00

evidently i was in hibernation over the summer since i didnt blog...and looks like some people are gone...*sighs*...ah well...i hadnt intended to leave for so long but after a while a few days turns into a few weeks and then a few months and then the "where are you??" questions pop up from here and there...

i know there are a couple of you that still check here every so often so...here i am!!...

on a personal side...i have been helping a friend who is very very ill...we knew she was ill but things are winding down rapidly...it's been hard because it brings back memories of my father since it is getting closer to that time...

anyhow, i went out last weekend for the first time in months...seriously...i was so drunk i had to CRAWL to bed with my pants falling off me as i stumbled like a toddler to my room...you know you have had waay too much to drink the night before when you wake up to pee and realize...hey, why does my pee sound funny??...oh...yeah...because sometime in the night i dropped the entire roll of TOILET PAPER into the toilet...dont ask...see..this is why i love you...because i can share such moments of damn-that-was-stupid and you wont hate me or call me terrible names...

funny part about going out that night...the bartenders were asking us..where have you been?...we thought you'd moved away??...yep...that's right...they missed us!...

i was taking my first shot of the night when my throat closed up and i thought...how do you swallow again??...you laugh, but it's true! ...i nearly gagged on it at first....way out of practice i suppose...

little cg was mortified when i talked about my dildo and how i didnt like the smell of it..."i dont want to know you have those things!"....um...yeah...this coming from the girl who tells me "it wasnt very big but he knew how to use it!"...or..."this one time we were having sex and we fell off the bed"...but heaven help her if i mention anything sexually related regarding myself...but, i do keep that part pretty private and always have...

still...kinda funny....

in other funny news...bi-guy needs a couple of new toys evidently because his MELTED together in some funky chemical reaction...hehehehe...i told him i would post it on here....he says he's kinda disappointed because he's really been experimenting with it and enjoys it....when he's in the mood for a good prostate tickle ;)...

i hope everyone is well...the only ones i've really heard from at all have been aneris and merlin/nimue from petitemorte...ta-ta!

cg

away, away

2009-06-19T21:24:00.002-05:00

i will be tweeting whilst i am away on my little road trip...so keep your peepers there because i will send pics as well (no, not of me)...let's see how many of you can figure out the path i am traveling this week!...good luck...wish i could think of some good prizes for those who guess well!

cg

what if?

2009-06-13T21:39:00.002-05:00

have you ever had those moments of "what if"...not regret...because to regret something is to wish you had done it differently...i dont necessarily wish that..i just wonder at the probabilities more than anything...in a mathematical sense ...if that makes sense, even...

as i prepare for this time away, i have been cleaning things out (i dont like leaving with things not in order) and i found them...a stack of cds...with his handwriting on them...we were so innocent...young and naive...he was so fragile...he brought out something soft and gentle in me...he never pushed or became angry...there was an eagerness to please me inside of him and he was never afraid or ashamed to show it...

i listen to the songs he chose for me to listen to...he was an avid musician (drummer) and he shared that world with me...the songs i hear...will always remind me of him...

do i love him still?...i love what once was...i love what i became in that time...and i ponder the reasons why i have not been as such since...

what if things had gone differently and i had let it happen...but...things happen for a reason...or not...i remember, though, that he took up so much of my energy...he had experienced drug use and alcohol abuse and it had taken a serious toll on him...his parents had little expectations of him except that he live comfortably...a comfort they willingly provided...and would have extended to me...except that it wasnt right...

dont misunderstand me..i am not pining over a lost love...i am remembering an old friend...because we were friends first...

cg

twittering is like...

2009-06-04T20:50:00.002-05:00

getting fucked over and over...only your pussy never says "ENOUGH!!"...

i just had to post some tweets so you can see why i havent been blogging lately as much...

it's like a having a great big conversation using lots of post it notes all over the place so that people can see what you are saying and stalk the person you are saying it to...

IsabellaSnowWhy do so many men state how many kids they have in their Twitter bio? And why are so many women willing to have 6 or 7 kids?!?!?

Ryleigh_Thorne@isabellasnow at 6 or 7 kids, you are a new classification of mother.. called sheep herder

IsabellaSnowSomeone has just found my blog by googling *dildo made of snow* Am thinking you'd have to be quick if you wanted to O with one of those...

avidcuriosity@IsabellaSnow dildo made of snow...like a dick-sicle??

avidcuriosity@Ryleigh_Thorne hell, why close your fucking legs...leave'em open and lubed so you can spit'em out faster..baby rocket launcher!

Ryleigh_Thorne@avidcuriosity It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye from a projectile silver bullet! Eye protection.. be prepared

Ryleigh_Thorne@avidcuriosity.. ohhh were you talking about babies? I was thinking sex toys... imagine that

Ryleigh_ThorneThinking about projectile sex toys now... wonder what a suicide bomber would do if you threw a dildo at him

avidcuriosity@Ryleigh_Thorne he'd say..."i'm cumming! i'm cumming!"

avidcuriosityprojectile sex toys ...the latest in extreme fetishes..dont forget to do your kegels!

Ryleigh_Thorne@avidcuriosity.. i thought he'd be saying.. "i'm blowing! I'm blowing!"

Ryleigh_ThorneProjectile sex toys.. perhaps a new Olympic sport?

avidcuriosity@Ryleigh_Thorne lmao...this conversation is in serious need of a drink or two...

Ryleigh_Thorne@avidcuriosity... a drink..coochie pop? or cum honey?

avidcuriosity@Ryleigh_Thorne a jizz spritzer...or perhaps some pussy punch

Ryleigh_ThorneNote to self.... need to create an alcoholic beverage that tastes like pussy.

isnt sad when i use my tweets to form a blog post??...in other news, i will be out of town in a couple of weeks for a about a week and a half...i wont be blogging, but i will be tweeting!...i'll let ya know when i'll be gone so you can check out the tweets...

curse you, comfy, for turning me to the dark side of twitter...*runs away sobbing*...i am weak! so weak!

cg

shits and giggles (not literally)

2009-05-31T23:02:00.002-05:00

it feels like its been forever since i've posted here, but i guess i've gone much longer in between posts...anyhow, the other night we went out and were having a few drinks when up come two guys we'd met before..like a year ago at a completely different place...weird...one of them had this little crush on little cg but she'd blown him off because he was too shy for her taste...

i swear...southern men are a totally different breed...they literally said "we were raised that women should not have to pay for anything when you take them out"...um, great, but we were sitting at the table first...you two came and sat down after....anyhow, it isnt something that is unique, that's just how it is here, i suppose...but they just kept going on and on and on about how women are so special, blah, blah, blah...

and they were such gentlemen...one guy just drove off without his friend!...we had to drive his ass back to his home...we waited while he called his friend and the look of utter stupefaction on his face was priceless..."dude, uh, where'dja go?...ah'm shtandin' here an' ah dont see yer truck"...yes, say it out loud because he did speak that way...actually, it's kinda cute...but not in the wee hours of the a. m. when you just want to go home and pass out...

there were these three scottish guys playing pools not far from where we were sitting and they had fabulous accents...but they were pretty pissed...they'd been drinking all day...

i've been so fucking horny lately...fucking hormones...last night i came so hard i just passed out afterwards...everything turns me one...what sucks is that aunt flo is in town (if you dont want to know this shit, why read?)...anyhow, as comfy stated, i should just get "crazy"...believe me, i have...i'm just not that crazy about it...and its always like this...always...sometimes i have this vision of myself at 80 masturbating in a nursing home and the fucking attendants not letting me have my pleasure...fuck wads...i'll throw my cane at them!!

oh, and i am giving a shout out to ryleigh over at holy hells...i've been quietly stalking her and she only recently discovered it!...hehehe....please go check out her blog...she is fucking spaz-tastic...

as mistress of this here blog, i hereby order all of you to go fuck someone or something (??)...seriously, when you masturbate...what images do you conjure up?...curious minds (especially this one!) want to know...

cg

tough love

2009-05-23T21:57:00.002-05:00

i was tough on little cg tonight...made her cry...didnt intend to...she said she just felt bad for not being in control of herself...eh, cry on, little girl, you'll get no sympathy from me...

lol...

anyhow, i got some new underthings today...pretty lacy bras...they were the last of my "spring shopping spree"...well, almost...;)...but then i'll be good to go for a little while...do men go out and buy new things before going on a trip (whether small or big) like women do??...

i do so enjoy being a girl...*sighs*...

cg

it's a sunshine day

2009-05-21T12:38:00.003-05:00

funny how after a mudslide of a day, things look brighter and more optimistic...or maybe that is my naturally "hopeful" side...a friend recently said she almost called me while she and her bf were in the middle of having sex...wowsa! (you know, i type that word but i have NEVER actually said since it sounds so...dorky..)

she ended up getting the best times to call me if they were so inclined during another evening of sexual play time...now i have this vision of an erotic adult play center where grown-ups can drop by a la mother's day out programs and run around gleefully like children naked, half-naked, fully clothed - whatever the desire may be...

interesting how a little thought jumps around taking shape and form...

this little play center would not be all dark and dimly lit...it would be bright with lots of natural light from windows...definitely lots of trees in the area...there would be computer rooms for easy access to various porn sites...small movie theater (with tissue holders and various lubes, etc)...a sauna...a gym area...massage rooms...rooms where couples can play but that will offer voyeurs the opportunity to watch through "false" mirrors (no clue what they are really called and i lack the energy to google it)...a ginormous kitchen with various foods for sex play...a few thematic rooms for role play activities...nothing too heavy with the themed rooms...that would be a different animal all together...

isnt fun when we let our imaginations take flight?...

cg

the path to curiosity

2009-05-19T20:14:00.003-05:00

here are a few of the recent paths people traversed to find this curious girl...

"teddy bear nose in vagina hump"

"ftm masturbation"

"curiosityporn"

"pretend i am a girl"

"sexy masturbation story"

"cum"

my favorite has to be the first one...because i did used to hump my teddy bear when i was a young girl..*sighs*...memories....

and that reminds me...

i remember we were driving on a family vacation somewhere...doesnt matter...anyhow...i must have been physically aroused for some reason...and i remember i was sitting there and moving my hips in slow circles so that my pussy would rub against the seam of my shorts...it was a such a good feeling, yet i knew that it was not for others to know...my sisters told me to sit still and asked me if i needed to use the bathroom...i said no, i was just tired of sitting still for so long...

i cant remember how old i was...i had not started my period...so i must have been around ten or so...

i think that was around the time i started plucking my pubes out...lol...a story for another time!

cg

how crazy is this??

2009-05-18T20:18:00.002-05:00

tbk tweeted about this and i had to link it...twins from two different fathers...crazy....

cg

so silly

2009-05-18T20:11:00.002-05:00

that last post was quite...er...well, it was something all right...i feel better today...and i feel rather silly for being emotional, but...it is what it is!

i just ordered a new bag from dungaree dolly's and i am so excited...it feels like i've done nothing but go shopping lately, but it's been a while...i should be good to go for a while now...got some new bras from vs they should be here next week...yays!

it was a fan-fucking-tastically gorgeous day today...i am so glad i work where i can have the doors and windows open on a pretty day like today...unfortunately, summer's is nearly here and those days will be far and few between until late fall!...summer in texas...

i am actually quite sleepy...but very aroused...dont you hate that feeling where you are tired and yet you cant sleep because of all the squirming you are doing as a result of certain pulsing and feeling of wetness?...did that last part make sense??...

cg

fuck you

2009-05-17T19:59:00.003-05:00

when no one is there, suddenly i am your best friend...but then when you find other arrangements, how quickly i get replaced...

fuck you...you make me angry...fucking condescending attitude "aww, do you miss me?"...you know what?...yeah, i did...but now, why the fuck would i want to be around you...you've become such an obnoxious, pretentious little shit...always too good...and how well you know it...

always i make excuses for your behavior because i feel obligated...after all, i have practically raised you...given you everything...given you space to make mistakes...and helped you up after you've fallen...

all i ever asked was a little time...but you cant even spare that, can you?...unless you've exhausted all your other avenues and then suddenly you cant wait to do something with me...you tell me "guess what??...i thought we could do this, or do that"...um..it doesnt work like that...or worse...after you say that then as an afterthought "i have a little free time before i have to go here or there"...i am supposed to be your fucking filler ??...eat shit...

am i jealous?...not like you think...i was there first and always...and i dont expect to be first always...i understand that...i do expect a little courtesy...i mean...who the hell have you turned into??...you find fault with EVERYONE...and they know it...you are building quite the reputation for yourself as a snobby bitch...at least i'm not snobby...but damn, do you have to look down your nose at everything and everyone??...i would ask you who raised you...but i know i did not raise you to be like that...

today, just sitting there with your arms crossed across your chest and those dramatic sighs like everything is such a fucking damned inconvenience for you...rude much??...i did not excuse your behavior...you looked a fool and everyone else saw it...

i cant even look at you, you make me so angry...

grow the fuck up and learn some damned manners...

cg

memories and desire

2009-05-16T20:36:00.002-05:00

today a friend of mine is having her bachelorette party...and, as per usual, instead of going, i have avoided this meeting and sent a card with spending money for a few drinks on me...we have been friends for years, but had had a disagreement that led to a major strain on our relationship...

i went to see her about a little over a year ago and things seemed okay...but i knew they would never be the same...things happen sometimes and i tend to let go a little quickly...attachment issues i suppose...

anyhow, she is now getting married soon and i received an invite to her bach party...i remember how we used to talk about how i would plan it for her...girls being girls...because we have not spoken really since a year ago, i felt awkward going...i do not know her friends and although she said she really wanted me to be there "for old times' sake"...i made other plans and told her that unfortunately i could not attend...

she received the card and money and thanked me...she was surprised i would do something like that, but she admitted that it did seem like something i would do...

i am also not going to the wedding...i would feel awkward there as well, but i also have something major at work that day (she is getting married on a friday about an hour or so away from where i am and there are conflicting scheduling glitches)...

we used to have one helluva time...when i think about it, i realize i just want to remember those times and not have any awkward moments to mar them...

i have also heard from a few other people from years and years ago...and heaven help me if they want to "get together and hang out!"...they are all married with children ages five and under...what the hell would we have to talk about??...they all do the terribly polite societal duties and volunteer at all the popular organizations...then they have ladies' lunches and set up play dates for their children so that their children can all be friends like we were...

"are you married??"

"do you have any children??"

"let's have lunch!!"

and yes...they say it just like that...

then last night...

i get a phone call from a very horny soldier boy..."let me come over"...does he know any other lines??...

i have company, i tell him (okay, so the company is a five year old i am watching...lol)...he proceeds to have a series of orgasms (he'd been jerking off for a while, and wanted to call me when he came...how..sweet??)

"do i make you wet, baby?"...yeah, totally...didnt i tell you i dont like to be called "baby"??...

then...

he cries...

how he hasnt had sex in so long and cant find any women that want to fuck him...now this surprises me...he is pretty good looking and dresses very well...and he showers generous gifts on women...

but war does strange things to people...it changes them...and he knows it...three tours have turned him into a combination of a old-young man...he feels old...older than his peers by years...and yet...he is emotionally still in his early twenties/late teens...yet on the verge of turning 30...

we talked for a long time...he refuses to take the meds that were prescribed to him...i just do not have it in me to be supportive as a friend...but i also dont have the heart to tell him that...he knows that i consider him as a friend only, and he said he asks for no more than that...

breathe deeply...in and out...breathe deeply...

cg

ask a curious girl - Q & A

2009-05-15T22:45:00.003-05:00

since i've got a nice batch of questions, i figured i'd start off with five random questions that some of you emailed me...if you'd like to ask a question, shoot it this way via email and i'll do my best to get to' em as quick as i can...

#1 - Does any emotional stress make you horny?

hells yeah...i know with some people it makes their libido shift away from sexual arousal...i am the opposite...when i am stressed, i need release...i dont want to cuddle, i just want to get that tension ironed out...plus, it takes my mind off of whatever is clanging and banging around my noggin...

#2 - Ever meet people from blog-world?

blog world?...not at this point...i do talk on the phone with a few blog-o-buddies...(aneris! icb, lol)...and i email with a few others...i have met a couple of people i met through the internet though...

#3 - What is the oldest person you have dated?

hmm...most have been somewhere within my age range...although i have never dated anyone younger...soldier boy doesnt count because we didnt exactly "date"...for some reason, though, i get along pretty well with older people in general...i have a few friends that are a good 20 years older and i enjoy their company...would i date anyone that much older?...i honestly dont know...that is a good question...i must deliberate on this one...

#4 - Do you "flirt" with all of your readers, or just a select few?

lol...i do my best to respond to just about all of the comments on here and sometimes i am "playful"...i think i have a special connection to a few of them, though...maybe one or two in particular...this question in interesting in that it did not specify anyone in particular...curious as to which person(s) the asker felt i was "flirting" with...

#5 - Do you have any toys?

hmm...well, anything can be a toy, really ;)....but, yes, i do have one...there are a few others i would like to try as well, however...

that's all for tonight, folks...until next time!

cg

cum-sicles??

2009-05-15T20:04:00.002-05:00

would you eat 'em?...would you make'em??...check out isabella snow's sex talk...i know some of ya'll out there would dive head first into something like this...

cg

men make me crazy

2009-05-14T22:12:00.002-05:00

and not in a good way...musician is about to make me pull my hair out...with his odd txts and phone calls...why the fuck call me if you are tired and going to bed...if you are calling to say "good night"...dont bother...that is one of the most ridiculous things people do..."oh, hi, how was your day, btw...i am tired and going to bed...just wanted to say hi before i hit the hay"...that is a pointless call...there is no conversational value to it...and please...dont try and get me to "ask" you to pay attention to me...because i wont do it...pfft...

then in the middle of my pointless conversation with musician, angry boy calls...??...wtf???...and leaves me the funniest message...he tried to sound breathy and sexy as he said "hey...havent talked to you in a while...when are we going to get together again?.."...only women can sound sexy and breathy...men sound sexy when their voices get low and quiet...he sounded like he'd just run a few miles and was about to pass out...

what sucks is that in the middle of all this i am horny and irritable...irritable in general...like now...at this moment...tired as hell...but horny as all get out...

tomorrow's friday!!..

cg

at work today

2009-05-12T19:37:00.002-05:00

adrenaline was keeping me moving...lots of hustle and bustle at this time of year...felt this intense need for instant release...could i make it through the end of the day??...some time alone...felt so much moisture...went to the rest room...locked the door...my nipples were so swollen and hard...i twisted them between my fingers...another jolt between my legs...fuck it...i sat on the floor, leaned against the wall and spread my legs open...this wasnt about slow arousal...this was about finding that release....again...and again...and once more...i felt invigorated...alert...focused...i was ready to face the rest of the day...

today was a good day...

cg

shoes and make up...

2009-05-11T21:56:00.000-05:00

make everything better...:)

cg

hello?...this is your wake up call...

2009-05-11T19:30:00.002-05:00

i have mentioned on here about my stress level being intense lately...okay, lately = the last year, year and a half...

i was talking to a friend of mine and explaining that i get into these ruts that i call "comfort zones"...his response was:

"What comfort zone? Seriously, are you kidding? What part of your life is comfortable? You only think you have a comfort zone, because it's the lie you have been telling yourself for way too long. Comfort comes from being OK to be you and not feeling like you have to hide from anything. Comfort does NOT come from hiding from those you don't want to deal with and stressing about life on the level you have been stressing. A brick wall is waiting in front of you. It's coming a hell of a lot faster than you realize. I just hope after the impact, you have what it takes to get back up."

at first i thought to myself...whoa, buddy...what do mean i am not okay with being me?...hiding from those i dont want to deal with??...

but...he's right...what i cant figure out is why i dont feel comfortable being who i am...actually, it isnt that exactly...i am not sure what it is...and what lie do i tell myself each and every day?...that i am happy and content with my life...and to some extent, that is true...

those things that used to make me happy i have put away in this mental box...i dont feel good about them anymore...because i doubt myself so much more than i used to...

when you are young, you dont have so much doubt in yourself...you dont question it as much...you just are...

i have created this image of myself to the others in my immediate life and i have hemmed myself in too nicely...when i try to push past it, i am greeted with stern looks and shaking of heads...

i used to love singing so much that it was an extention of myself...i was not complete without it...hours each day i practiced...and i loved every minute of it...

i tell people that i have found other ways to fulfill my life...that i have moved on from that...gotten older and dont have time for it...

but i am never happier than when i am driving with the wind in my hair and singing for no one but my own secret joy...a joy that i cant share with anyone else...because in many ways it is so private to me...

and sometimes...i cry...because i miss those parts of myself that i let go...abandoned without a second glance...

and if i look back...i'm afraid i will see where i fell...and never got back up...

cg

ftm

2009-05-09T17:24:00.004-05:00

recently i have been watching some youtube vids about transgender individuals, specifically ftm...i have also seen the mtf, but they arent as interesting to me...i am truly amazed at the determination they have to make these changes in their lives and bodies to follow the path that is true for them...there is a single thread that ties all their stories together, other than the obvious changes...a persistent, positive outlook within a strong network of support...

i myself have never felt anything other than female so i could not begin to imagine what it must be like to be trapped inside a body that you know in your heart cannot be yours...

i cannot recall if i have mentioned it here before...i may have made comments about it on a blog or two...i knew a girl that used to tell me she was a boy...she said "god made me wrong...i was supposed to be a boy"...she wanted to be called "max"...she wanted to dress in boy clothes all the time...

she was three years old...

it was just her and her mother at home...there were times when this little girl would come over and i would watch her while her mother was running errands...sometimes she wanted to have her hair fixed "like a girl"...but then she would look at her reflection in the mirror and this strange look would cross over her features...she would say "i'm ugly because i'm a boy, not a girl"...i never told her otherwise...i would just ask her why she would say that and she would tell me in the saddest voice "because, i can feel like inside i am supposed to be a boy on the outside...i was made wrong"...

over the next several years, she never once wavered on this...by age six, she had requested that i call her "max" whenever it was just us but not around her mother "because she doesnt believe me that i am a boy inside, so just call me [birth name] so she doesnt get mad"...

i think she opened up to me because i didnt contradict what she was saying...she was extremely intelligent, so i knew early on that this was not a case of her not understanding what "boys" and "girls" were....she knew and understood...she also knew that others would not understand, so she began keeping those thoughts to herself...

she did not have an easy life...her mother struggled with depression and would often say "i hope she ends up gay that way she wont get knocked up"...she said this when her child was four...i tried to talk to her mother...another common friend told me "she is just confused because her mother does not display anything remotely feminine"...i wasnt so sure...

i was told by this common friend, after a long and lengthy discussion..."if [little girl] is truly a child with gender identity issues, it will be a long road ahead...all we can do is be there and ready if/when we are needed"...this came from one of the most conservative persons i know...but she was not stupid, and realized that this was not a case of a confused child...

i have not seen this child in a long, long time...two, three? years...often i wonder about her...is she still hiding her feelings?...will she ever be comfortable taking that first step to a new life?...i worry as well...

what gets lost in these ftm stories i read/see are the very young children that know from a young age that something is not right...

i remember one of the last things i told this little child...she had been crying because her mother had told her that she wasnt "max" and she wasnt a boy and she needed to stop saying she was or people would think she was crazy...she said "i have to pretend i am a girl even though i know i am not"...my heart hurt so much for this six-year-old that had to struggle with such a monumental hurdle...i held her closely and said this:

"one day, when you grow up you will have so many more choices in your life...you can choose where you want to live, where you want to work, what friends you want to have, when you want to go to bed...and, when you grow up, if you still feel this way...you can make that choice to live that way...whatever you decide...even if i am not there...my heart will always be with you and i will always love you no matter what...girl...or boy"...

they ended up moving away and we lost contact...i still think about her often...i wonder if she will remember those words i said to her...i wonder if she knows that i meant every one of them...

cg

ask a curious girl

2009-05-07T20:28:00.002-05:00

reminder..i am working on a post (or two) based on questions you guys send me...i have a good start so far, but i'd like to get a few more in...just drop me an email (posted on the right sidebar) with 5 questions or so, let me know how you want to be credited for the questions...if you would rather be "anonymous" i can do that as well...

so, drop me a line with a few questions...they could be something you are mildly curious about or perhaps something you already know about me and want to ask so that others will know it as well...whatever!

hope to hear from you guys soon!!

cg

tmi tuesday #185

2009-05-05T19:57:00.002-05:00

1. Have you ever bought a membership to a porn site? If yes, what is the most recent one and did you like it?

interestingly enough no...

2. Would you rather watch a erotic/porn movie, read a story, or listen to an audio? Why?

i would rather read something erotic that i've written aloud for another person to hear...why?...because it is very arousing to initiate another person's arousal...and to know that you can "control" it to a degree based on how you read it...based on what they thought they knew about you...but also like to watch/read/listen (well, i dont like to listen to stories being read, not really sure why)

3. If you have a significant other what do you do for each other to get in the mood? If you don't what would you kind of thing could a future potential long term partner do to get you in the mood?

do i have a "significant other"...hmm...i suppose that depends on the significance of a lot of things...so, i guess there is no straight answer on that one...(not that i am one to give completely straight answers, lol)

hmm...lots of teasing...i am big into word play...slowly twisting and turning thoughts in the other person's mind based on what arouses them/me...i enjoy engaging in fantasy...i like controlling the situation...a part of me feels frustrated and irritated if i cant...i lose interest so quickly when the other person tries to steer things...it's really difficult for me to stay focused and then my mind wanders and then suddenly the arousal is gone and i am left feeling bothered and annoyed...

4. When it comes to sex, how much do you talk about it with others? How comfortable are you talking about sex?

on here?...i talk a lot, obviously...i am very curious and interested in so many things that i want to know and understand the things others do (that are not necessarily for me) because i am fascinated with it...talking about my personal sex life outside of here?...doesnt happen...i keep that side very private...

5. What are the last 5 things you search for on Google (or another search engine)?

"for today i am a child, for today i am a boy" (someone had that on twitter and i found it very beautiful)

a specific clinical assessment center in the city where i live (has to do with work, not personal)

google (i was a moron and googled google but i was really looking for something else)

(i looked up stuff on amazon - i love amazon: searched for various items related to work)

Bonus: Have you ever had a fantasy that you were ashamed of?

that's a good question...not that i can think of...

cg

running on empty

2009-05-04T22:01:00.002-05:00

i tend to give more than i can afford and when that happens i run myself into the ground...sputter...collapse...reawaken with a new vision...and start all over again...this is the cycle i have created for myself...

now it seems i am running on empty once again...the bits and pieces that once held me together are now hanging by a thread...i am trying to make it to the finish line (what finish line? what will i win if i get there??) but something tells me i will sputter and collapse before then...

i think i can, i think i can...

i think i will fall...

cg

interesting "fetish"

2009-05-03T11:25:00.002-05:00

i found this on "up schist creek"...he had a link to this you tube documentary about mecaphiles (people who love cars...intimately)...it's pretty interesting, so take some time to check it out...

cg

last night

2009-05-03T10:57:00.002-05:00

last night several of us went out and one of the girls had suggested we go to a male strip bar earlier in the week...i was the only one of the group that had been to one (8 years ago and i would die an utterly happy woman if i never went again) and i thought they should at least go and then decide if it is something they enjoy based on actually going...

and it was okay...before we even got to the place we went out for dinner (which was great they were telling people it was a 30 min wait, but when we got up there the guy talked to his manager and we were seated immediately...we didnt ask, he just did it on his own, the waiter was awesome and we had fun) and then to an indoor amusement place...i got my ankle run over while i was standing at the bar to get a drink by a physically/mentally disabled person's mobile unit (fucking hurt like HELL), took FOREVER to get a drink but then things got better and we all had fun...

the strip bar was...okay...if you've never been, those places can be really, really invasive...they were offering body jell-o shots and one girl said yes, and another girl said no several times...the guy straddled her anyhow (yeah, and he TOTALLY forced her to rub her hands over his back and ass not to mention LICKING the whipped cream off his abdomen)...ironically, both women who had the body shots were married...one of them her husband wouldnt have cared and actually had given her money so she could get a lap dance and then some...the other one...well, let's say just as much as she enjoyed it all...she will NOT be telling her husband about all the "fun" she had...he knew she was going, but she will likely leave out a few parts to her story last night...

we ended up at this nice little bar that was just the sort of place i like...from strong drinks to diverse people, poison girl is a place i will def go to again...if i loved closer i'd haunt this place more often...

cg

virtual hedonism

2009-05-02T11:52:00.002-05:00

one of the more appealing aspects of virtual/cyber hedonism is the mind fuck more and more crave...there is only you and whatever illuminates from within the caverns of our minds...we become so enraptured by placing ourselves at the epicenter of this crazy world we create...things revolve around us...even though they dont...but we buy into this illusion that, for a while, we are unique and special and that others want us or want to be like us...

it becomes less about seeking out the company of others than it does seeking out the adoration of others...and we revel in this "adoration"...it is addicting at times....and repulsive at times...

we want the pleasure to resonate within our minds...we saturate ourselves in thoughts luxurious and rich...everyone can be shiny and new (why be you when you can be new?)...through these mental images we roll around in, we begin to create a new vision of how we see ourselves through others' eyes...the world becomes suddenly smaller...and there we sit upon our little thrones, ruling this realm with sarcasm, wit, and our ever-evolving persona...

we are immersed in this bling-encrusted place that cannot be touched, smelled, heard, or tasted...it can only be seen through the eyes that look no longer outward at the world and all its people...but rather inward at the one that matters most now...

cg

visitors, masturbation, and more

2009-05-01T19:28:00.002-05:00

there has been a recent spike in readers over the last couple of weeks...the things people search for and how they find me...it is pretty interesting...here are some of the searches that led people to my blog...

"dental dam"

"porn in the barn" (???)

"sexy nurse"

"sexy tales"

"masturbation"

"penis"

"girls who lick balls"

"horny girls"

"finger fuckers"

also, a lot of new visitors come here from two places: facts and friction and mrs kelly's ...i wonder why those two place yield the most visitors...anyhow, pay them a visit and take a look around their blogs!...

damn, i wanted to get off so bad today it was ridiculous...i went to the bathroom at one point to see if i could get some release and just when i was getting going in walks another person...fuck!...what the hell??...i wanted to stamp my foot down and throw a tantrum...instead i removed my fingers from between my legs and went about my usual business...i'm still feeling the need for release, but i am so friggin tired that i dont have the energy...

thanks to all of you who've sent in questions for my "ask a curious girl" post(s) that i will do in a month or so...you still have a couple of weeks or so to get your questions in to me via email, so if you havent already, roll your fingers over your keyboard and shoot them over this way!...

twitter experiences...it could be interesting...i honestly wonder how people get anything done though when you are checking emails, checking in on blogs, twittering, texting, calling, reading news/gossip...damn...all that could easily take up at least a couple of hours...

all this virtual hedonism...because that's what it is in the end...

cg

twitter fuck

2009-04-30T21:15:00.002-05:00

thanks to comfy, i am now part of the that little cluster fuck they call twitter...check out my own little cluster fuck of thoughts on the side bar and join me in twittering...if you dare...

cg

they like me, they really like me!

2009-04-29T20:25:00.003-05:00

lol...scott, whose podcast project i did readings for (see the right hand side bar) said that, so far, my readings have the most downloads...that's pretty cool considering i had never done anything like that before...thanks to those of you who went over and checked it out...if you havent, what are you waiting for??...last weeks' release featured my favorite passage..."open letter to dave matthews" or something like that...it was funny...there will be another release tomorrow, so check it out!...

cg

the definition of porn

2009-04-29T19:49:00.003-05:00

a recent blog post by mnwhr (do you have any idea how many of your posts have prompted me into writing my own posts?? lol) prompted me to ask "what is porn?"...it's such a simple but complex question, really...so i threw on my investigative hat and ran off in search of an answer...

then i got really lazy, yawned, fluttered my eyelids and just googled "porn"...

"creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire"...

now that sounds simple enough, right?...er, not really...at least not in my book...because the big glitch in this definition is "of no literary or artistic value"...so, um, who gets to decide the literary or artistic value of anything?...and why cant something be both artistic and appeal to one's sexual desire?...

so i went off searching again...

"the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement...
material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement...the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction"

hmm...again, this is so misleading...because what if little johnny has a thing for shoes so he goes online and finds ads for women's shoes....and he jerks off to them or just gets aroused...for him, that is "porn" in a sense...granted those ads may not intend to stimulate one's arousal, but c'mon...the people who put those together do so with an eye for what will most likely appeal...if they were just selling the shoe, it wouldnt matter what the foot wearing the shoe looked like, right?...so why not some dirty, cracked feet?...oh no, they must be slender, with toe nails just right (either painted or unpainted) and (in most cases) feature a slender ankle that implies a whole lot more leg above it...and even give way to an imagined hem line of a skirt...

hmm...so, perhaps not direct, blatant, in-your-face porn...but it could be to little johnny who is out there slinging his dick with his hand while his eyes glaze over in bliss..

i know, i know...the whole issue of pornography is that it is obvious and created with a deliberate intent to arouse...what then of unintentional porn?...

something that is so fucking arousing that you cant stand it...you have to have it...yet...was not originally intended to be so stimulating...something that you didn't notice at first glance perhaps...but something made you take a second look...and the longer your attention is focused on this strange, but exciting diversion the more heightened your senses become...your entire body slowly becomes consumed by it...until nothing else matters...just this one moment of unintentional arousal...that both is and isnt porn...

or something like that..

cg

reader's choice

2009-04-28T22:56:00.003-05:00

i was thinking...it might be interesting to do a post based on questions from you guys...this is just a concept atm, it will depend on how many of you actually participate...if i only get two or three questions, then that would be silly...

how about this...i will give everyone two weeks (or so) to come up with some questions...here's what you can do:

1. come up with no more than five questions (they do not have to be sexually oriented - they can just be things you are curious about or perhaps something i have mentioned and you have a question)

2. all questions should be emailed to me (your email will not be revealed - have no fears/concerns)

3. when you send the questions, let me know how to credit you - for example, you can list your blogger name or if you want, i can just put anonymous or whatever alias you prefer...

in theory, this should be fun, but it really depends on you guys...dont be afraid, send me your questions...i cannot guarantee an answer to every question, but i will certainly do my best!

cg

tmi tuesday #184

2009-04-28T22:40:00.002-05:00

1. Have you ever had angry sex?

hmm...interestingly enough, no i havent...but i do fantasize about it...

2. Pity sex?

oh yes...twice...actually, i thought maybe it would be good...but it was too emotional from the other end so i ended up feeling distanced from it altogether...a very strange feeling...

3. "Oh, well, I might as well" sex?

once...i have this impulsive streak that i try really hard to suppress...dont ask...just of one of my many idiosyncracies...

4. One-of-you-knew-it-was-goodbye-and-the-other-didnt sex?

nope

5. Don't remember having it sex?

nope...at least i dont think so...;)

6. Regret-it-afterward sex?

no...i dont believe in regretting things...i imagine how things would be if i would have made different choices...but what's done is done...all i can do is learn from it...or at least try...

7. Can't remember his/her name sex?

nope

8. Never knew his/her name sex?

nope

Bonus: Worst single sexual experience of your life?

other than that really awkward first sex?...hmm...i guess that would be it...it was terrible...lol...just really bad...i think i posted about it once a long time ago...

there were a lot of no's on the that list...but then again, i dont do the whole "what's your name?" sex thing...just doesnt work for me...

cg

on to other things

2009-04-28T07:19:00.002-05:00

about a week or so ago i was chatting online with an old friend...and, being so extraordinarily aroused, i found myself squirming and rubbing my pussy against the bed...i was feeling impulsive and terribly horny so i even took a couple of pics and sent them his way...it's been years since i've seen him, but i still remember his smell very vividly...

the orgasms...oh wow...they were so intense...i normally dont cry out in loud moans...i tend to "whimper" more than anything else i think...damn, i make myself sound like a puppy...totally not sexy...anyhow, these took such hold over me that for a moment i forgot where i was and what i was doing...completely transported by these waves of pleasure...

the next night, it was the same thing...that's the thing...the older i get, the more powerful my orgasms become...ten years ago when i was in my early twenties, i was easily aroused like i am now, but with nowhere near the intensity...

i guess i am climbing the mountain towards my sexual peak, lol....someday...

cg

things you probably wish i wouldnt talk about...

2009-04-27T07:46:00.002-05:00

for some reason men dont really like women discussing certain aspects of their gender...i am talking about periods...a while back i briefly made reference to a certain problem i have been having...a lot of women feel pain on their ovaries when they ovulate...i didnt used to, but i have within the last several years...however, i also get pain on my ovary during my period...and it is very very painful but not typical for me...when it happened last, i went to the doctor...said my hormones were so out of whack but didnt see anything major...gave me lots of advice to help prevent it/deal with it...(none of which i followed, i kept saying i would but then time suddenly flew by and here we are again)

i knew this one would be really bad because, like the last really bad one about six or so months ago, my breasts hurt for an entire month leading up to it...they hurt so bad that i couldnt sleep...i actually had to "ice" them down in bed one night...then my libido was crazy...i was so incredibly horny i didnt know what to do...normally, right before my period i get more easily aroused anyhow, but this time was...wow...the orgasms were through the roof...even though it was a great feeling, i was dreading that time when it would be over and my period would come...i knew it would be bad....

and it was...but i am now following "dr's orders" so we'll see how it all goes...

men have no idea how strange it is to have a terrible headache, have bad cramping, ovary in pain, feel incredibly horny and aroused, and have your boobs hurt like hell...

no idea...

cg

it's up!

2009-04-15T23:28:00.002-05:00

okay, everyone, if you ever wanted to know what i sound like (somewhat, lol) go check out passages!!...my topic is "despair", btw...

let me know what ya'll think!...

cg

bringin' sexy back

2009-04-04T13:16:00.002-05:00

a friend of mine has asked on several occasions...how do i talk to women...and keep their attention??...countless blogs have addressed the topic of what makes someone/something sexy...and that's all fine and dandy...but what about those out there who really want to know how to be sexy...instead of telling them what to do, perhaps we should focus on what NOT to do...

ready, boys and girls?

* a good black (not faded!) shirt goes a long way and can go virtually anywhere...black has a way of making both sexes look neat and clean and the added bonus of taking attention away from what you are wearing...when you wear black top, suddenly people are looking more at your face instead of thinking "um, what in the world does he have on??"...

* smell good!...it does not have to be an expensive cologne, but for heaven's sake, do not bathe in the scent or it will have the total reverse effect...there are several body washes out there for men that have a nice, clean, masculine scent it you dont want to over do it...i know several women who will actually salivate if the scent is right...and it's different for every woman...smell good and chances are she will find herself wanting to get closer to you just to smell you even more...

* make good eye contact and keep your hands to yourself!...men make the mistake of making physical contact too soon and it can be annoying to women (even though we try not to show it)...watch for cues...she will tilt her head, flip her hair a little, and keep her eyes on yours...if her eyes wander, she's not interested...

* be gracious...it's okay so stop by and say hi, make eye contact ( to let her know you interested) , but do not hang around like a tree monkey...also, do not take your whole posse over to the girl...be a man, show her that you are okay going solo to test the waters in front of her friends and then let her know that you recognize she is out with friends (if that is the case) and tell her you will stop by later...women dont expect this and it piques their interest...

* know when to fold'em....if she is not interested, extend your hand with a warm smile and tell her to have a nice evening....granted, this works down here in the south and i've been told that up north they arent as comfortable with the touching part, it's up to you how to carry it out...

* have no expectations...dont go out with a goal in mind...your only goal is to enjoy yourself...no matter where you go...whether to dinner, movies, museum, bar...you will spend too much time wondering the withertos and whyfors that the day will be gone and you will have wasted your time...

more next time!

(i'd love to hear what the other women have to say on this!!)

cg

ear candy #2

2009-04-01T21:44:00.002-05:00

and because i am magically retarded you can still only see half the box...but that's where the real fun is, boys and girls!...it's like a maze and you are the mouse...and i get to sit back and laugh like this "muahahahaha!"...take a look at the new (at not-so-new) songs...what can you tell about me based on my little selection this time??...

cg

a special suit?

2009-04-01T20:56:00.005-05:00

this is an absofuckinlutely true story...a friend of mine was having the "talk" with her prepubescent son...she and her husband gave the short story about sex and emphasized the "date n' wait" policy regarding sex but did say that if/when he decides to have sex he should always use protection...sounds simple right?....WRONG...

they used the ridiculous word "rubbers" when referring to "protection"...they probably said "you want to keep your willy away from the girl's hoo-ha at all times so that it doesnt get sick, but if you want to risk it, you should use some special protection called a rubber..."

after a long dramatic pause the thoroughly confused pre-teen asks "so, is that like a special suit or something that i have to wear??"...

...

doh!...and do they correct him??...nope...she nods her head vehemently and says "that's right!...and when you are ready for that step, you let me know and i will take you the store to get fitted for it!"...

now, as funny as that is, why do we insist on raising sexually ignorant children...this boy is going to go off to middle school/jr high or whatever and have incorrect information...he will probably tell the girl she wont get pregnant if he wears a suit, so he's going to rent a tux to be extra protected...

parents are so afraid of talking about all things sexual with their children that they miss one very important point...if you dont tell them the right information, they will stumble through life on the wrong information...

hell, i never even got the "talk"...my mother was so petrified of anything remotely sexual that she covered my eyes at the movie theater during the shower scene for "footloose"...it was just a few rear ends...

now, i envision the child of my friend walking around in a giant body-size condom...whoa...trippy...

cg

tmi tuesday #180

2009-03-30T22:30:00.002-05:00

1. Have you ever sent or recieved a sext message?

yes...(doh!)

2. Have you ever made or recieved a booty call?

yes...um...do drunk texts count as well...

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?

what??...that would be a negative, captain...

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?

wow...um...too young to know better, but old enough to know i was NOT supposed to be doing something like that with my babysitter's grandson...(hey, now, we were both at least ten years old..i had almost completely forgotten about that...)

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?

hmm...to be honest, my sexual partners have always been in my age range...just the way it works out...i have a limit...they cannot be more than four years younger...it just never works out...)

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?

stupid question...better question is this: why dont i have more sex more often???....answer: i have no fucking clue except i work too damn much and the age limit thing wanders in...(*cough* soldier boy *cough*)

cg

new project

2009-03-30T21:49:00.002-05:00

i think i've only remember to mention this to one or two (or none!) of you, but i was asked by a friend of mine to be a "reader" on a project he is working on...he chose several of his more meaningful passages from his own personal blog and he invited a few of us to be readers...

"Passages is an exciting new project that brings blog posts to life. These selections were carefully picked from hundreds of writings by Scott Josephson -- known to many as ScottyJ, the podcast guest/uncle. The writings were categorized, distributed, and read by the hosts of several popular podcasts, including [mine/ours]. These passages were set to podsafe music and will be released thematically, starting in April. For more information, visit podantics.com"

this means that you will all be able to hear me very soon (ack!)...actually, there is some really funny stuff in there...when i went on my "me-date" recently, i was going over the passages and i was laughing out loud at some of them, causing my fag-tastic waiter to ask why i was having such a good time in my little corner...i shared it with him and he loved one passage in particular...he wants to hear it and thought it was a neat idea...my favorite will not be read by me, but it's been a fun opportunity all around in general...because i am terribly terrible at getting things done on time, i just sent the test read today (they arent very long passages) and he will let me know how it sounds since the last time we chatted via gmail he made mention of the contrast in quality from phone to mic...

a project in personal iconography?...perhaps, but i still cant wait to hear how it all turns out...he also has a podplay for those of you who are more interested...

cg

lost in translation

2009-03-29T12:37:00.002-05:00

that's where i've been, lost in the translation of this silly place called life...thanks to all of you who sent me emails (that i did not always respond to in a timely manner - part of it was my computer was a bit of a freak and the other part was TIME...it likes to jump around and say "i'm on the one side, i'm on the other side"...and it was not like the song...it was NOT on my side...

a quickie list of updates in the the not-so-entertaining life of this curiousgirl:

- i had a "me-date" recently...and let me tell you, i am one picky broad when it comes to choosing movies and places to eat...i mean, day-um!...no wonder i will be forever single, my decision-making skills go something like this:

"well, i could watch a comedy, but i really wanted to see this other movie, but then i also wanted to see that one, but if i watch that movie then it will be this time when i get out and i wanted to be on that side of town by this time, but if i watch this other one then i might get out too early...fuck, i just need a drink"

i sent aneris pics of the place where i had lunch...an adorable little restaurant with a spectacular view of the garden...

our text summary:

aneris - that is pretty, are you at least surrounded by hot men?

cg - oh, yeah...except they are all gay...even the waiters!

aneris - it figures, only a gay man would eat in a place like that

they do have amazing hibiscus mint tea, that's for sure...delish...

- how can you tell if someone is truly flirting or just teasing...a friend of mine who is married (known him and wife for years, we all get along well), says "you need a tune-up"..."friends should be able to share things with each other...be open"...he rubs my arm a lot and my back as well...it's all a bit...odd...she is there when a lot of it happens and she never seems to mind...but i kinda do...

- went out one night...drama at the bar...we were with some friends...people are drinking (i am perfectly fine as are most of us)...one guy walks over to me:

guy - hi

cg - hi

guy - can i get dirty?

cg - (utterly perplexed) what??

(guy turns away shaking his head, walks over a few minutes later)

guy - can i get dirty?

cg - (is he serious?? he is so wasted) what are you talking about??

guy - it's been eight months

cg - okay (turns away and rolls eyes, ignores him)

guy - hey, are you married? do you have kids?

cg - why?

guy - i'm not married, i dont have kids...look (shows a silver ring with a cross etched in it)...this is my purity ring...(laughs)

cg - okay

(guy mumbles several times before i lean over to hear...he grabs my head and pulls me in for a kiss but i, like the fleet-footed rabbit that i am, turn to evasive maneuvers - i duck my head...fast)

everyone apologizes for his behavior (it was both comical and tiring) and when we left he rubs the back of my hand with his thumb (um...okay)...later i find out he proceeded to start a little scuffle in the parking lot with someone because we left...makes no sense, but then drunk people rarely do...i should know...i have performed countless studies on the effects of drinking alcohol on decision-making (see above paragraphs)...

- soldier boy is back...and pissy as hell..."let me come over"...no, you will not come over...it is five in the morning..."then you come here"...no, i will not come over it is five in the morning...what part of "it is five in the morning" are you not getting???...

- while i was being greeted with the best pick up line ever (hey, what are you drinking...why?...because i might pay for it if it isnt too expensive... ... ...dont do me any favors, buddy) i witnessed a scuffle between an ex-nfl player and a lezzie...when smack talk goes wrong ex-nfl players go on the offensive and push around the defender...the defender flips the card table and poker chips and cards go flying everywhere, along with several glasses of adult bevs...then, the taunting begins.."do it again, do it again, fucking hit me again"...cops show up...only the lez is around so the ref cant call on unsportsmanlike conduct...total buzz kill...

that should be it for now...i have been busy enjoying a lot of the local goings-on but now that my computer is back and not being such a whiny little bitch, i should be back to posting more regularly...yeah, i was like "you're a bitch" and the computer was like "..." and then i said "who's your fucking pimp, bitch!"...finally the guy at the counter said "ma'am, please step away from the laptop and no one will get hurt"...whew...it was a close one...i was sooo ready to throw down...

hee hee

cg

mono??...and other stuff...

2009-02-01T21:12:00.003-06:00

wow...it's been a long time since i posted anything here...not by choice!...i have been battling the super germs that want to bury me in bed...i had a cold about two or three weeks ago...been feeling eh for the last couple of months...my tonsils were ginormous with big white spots (i'm a sexy beast, rawr)...

anyhow!...long story short, the doc gave me meds but says he thinks i probably have mono...and just to treat the symptoms as they happen...

...er...mono??...really?...wow, somehow i find that hard to believe, but evidently people get it all the time and never realize that they have it...i didnt care about the test for it and he said it would not make much of a difference since you cant take anything for mono...

and angry boy called and was chipper..."oh, hi! we havent talked in so long! how are you???"...i guess his meds are working...

bi-guy got his toys in (yay, you!)and said that he's been lusting after vag since he got the toys...interesting...

i have had a few of you send me emails to ask about the comment that comfy left me the other day on my blog...yes, she and i engaged in a lil steamy chat sesh but i was having serious internet connection issues...she offered to call, but all those interruptions left me distracted and irritated...so who knows what may happen next...

cg

the "fist" couple

2009-01-22T19:34:00.003-06:00

evidently the obamas are really trying to bring sexy back to the oval office...she makes a stupid comment regarding the whole "fist pounding" thing people do...lol...

cg

angry boy

2009-01-22T07:42:00.002-06:00

soldier boy has a new name...angry boy...this guy has major anger issues...when someone talks about wanting to "kick every fuck face i see because they are mother fucking idiots" all the time...yeah...anger...

i didnt see him at all during his time here...he called a lot at first...i think we talked about three or four times most of it non-sexual because he was so damn ornery that it wasnt much of a turn on...

he is pissed about having to take meds (PTSD) to help with his stress and anxiety...and he smokes waaay more than he used to...he snapped at me one too many times...and not just a little snapping...bit my head off when i was trying to lighten the situation...so he wasnt in the mood for it, okay, but dont tell me "when i tell you to do something, i need you to do it...do you understand?"...

...

i am NOT your subordinate...again...three tours can do a number on a person...but that is not my problem...i am not his guiding light...

argh...

cg

when men dont listen

2009-01-18T22:45:00.002-06:00

went out this weekend...wasnt really in the mood, but i let myself get talked into it...this younger guy kept talking to me and wanting to dance with me, but i was more interested in the band...after several attempts with me telling him no, he finally just comes up behind me and rubs his pelvis against my ass..no, i was not turned on...he smelled and was a "Y" for yikes...then he did the one thing you should never do to a woman you dont know...

he grabbed my tit, juggled it, then pinched my nipple...

...

i turned to hurt him, but he asked for my number...

...

finally, i realized that i was the grown up...

"how old are you?"

"im 25, but age is just a number, baby"

...

he left when i told him he was too young and too drunk and to keep his hand off my tits...

oh boy...

cg

power to change

2009-01-18T22:13:00.002-06:00

i had another post in mind regarding the results of the poll and other events this weekend, and i still intend to, but first i wanted to comment on a few things...this post could perhaps go in my other blog...oh, well, here is where it shall remain!...

i have a few conversations in my head (hey, the one person who wont talk back! lol) and with others about regrets, wishes, dreams, decisions, and personal history...

when i notice themes occurring repeatedly in a relatively short period of time, i do my best to pay attention and analyze those themes...without dragging it out too long here is a jackson pollack of phrases thrown my way from several sources...one is from a recent movie, see if you can spot it ;)

"i just dont want to be a part of something that has to do with lying"

"i dont believe in regrets because then that means that i didnt learn anything"

"how do you wake up one day and wonder where you got lost?"

"the past belongs to us, and we can change it"

"i dont like living in fear of another person's weaknesses"

"i'm not proud of everything in my life, but one thing i can say is that i tried"

"i wont wait forever, once that door closes, it stays closed"

"you can stay huddled in your safe corner forever, or take a leap of faith"

all of the above statements, with the exception of one, came from other people regarding various issues...but the common theme was about choices we make or dont make...

what those statements tell me is that the our past, present, and future is not a simple shape with four perfect sides and equal corners...it begins shapeless and through a series of choices (not making a choice is a choice) it takes form...one day we realize that we either dont like what we see or are surprised at the beauty of it...when we are not happy with it we cant always see an easy "fix"...it took years down that path to get to the middle of nowhere...and the rising sun makes it hard to see the greyhound bus waiting at the end of the road....

others see it and become frustrated when we do not...they wave their arms and shout to us, but we are so encumbered by our realizations, that we are not able to see and hear...they are disgusted with us...they resent us and find us lacking or weak...

finding the power inside of ourselves to change is not always easy...for some, we can find a switch and click! we are on a different road...but we are each of us different...

i have shared my growing sexuality on this blog...i have learned about myself and others...i have learned that i am much more open-minded than i would ever have realized...i have made poor choices as well...and that's okay...making poor choices means that i did, for a moment at least, step out of that safe corner and took a leap of faith...i think i will gradually take more leaps...change is never the volatile, volcanic eruption that we see...it is a series of smaller events that lead to what we label "the change"...

what led most of you to blogging here...just curious, i suppose...sometimes the reasons we start something is different from the reasons we continue to do them...

cg

sick girl

2009-01-17T11:29:00.001-06:00

bleh..been sick...another freakin' cold...sokay though...i will have a post later this afternoon/early evening!...

toodles!

cg

cherry blossom girl

2009-01-11T21:13:00.002-06:00

on merlin's blog he has been reminiscing the growth of his and nimue's relationship...it reminded me of the sexual connection between people and flowers...something that has existed as far back as mankind has existed....

love is the evolution of all those things we put into it...and the flower is the sexual realization of that effort...

like the sun that warms the earth, our bodies warm over by thought, touch, smell...slight stirrings evoke subtle feelings of arousal...our bodies fill with the hot blood that courses through our veins giving way to erect cocks and swollen pussies...

as the farmer tills the soil, so does our lover stoke the flames within our bodies...we become both relaxed and tense...relaxing into the embrace....tense in anticipation...

that seed of sexual desire pushes against the shell of rationalization...we shed the logical thought and pursue the warmth...we want to feel that heat...that radiation of life...

that tight little bud, coaxed into unfurling its leaves...we open ourselves to the sensuality of our lover...

i sit here and feel the heaviness that pulsates between my legs...i can feel the wetness spreading on my panties...i shift my hips slightly to apply a touch more pressure...i can smell myself on my fingers...it is arousing to me...writing these words arouses me...i am sharing that arousal with you...

cg

virgin state of mind

2009-01-11T20:56:00.003-06:00

i want my hands to touch as if they have never felt anything so warm...
i want my eyes to see as if they have never seen colors so vivid...
i want my tongue to taste as if it has never tasted anything so rich...
i want my ears to hear as if every note is new and never before composed...
i want my nose to smell as if every scent will linger forever in my memory...

i want to push the boundaries of what i thought i knew...

i want to stretch my mind beyond the limits of my own comprehension...

i want to reach places i never imagined i would desire to be...

i want to heal the places that echo within...

i want to awaken the voice that i know slumbers still...

i want to shatter the glass that surrounds my virgin state of mind...

cg

how to turn a woman off

2009-01-07T21:10:00.002-06:00

a friend is dating this guy who within a week said "i love you"...within two weeks "you complete me"...within a month was talking about kids together...

um...and men thought women were bad...

then here comes the jealousy...after nearly three months..."i dont like that you have so many guy friends"..and.."i need you to prove you are loyal to me"...hmm...you dont say?....well guess what miss-has-never-cheated-and-been-nothing-but-loyal had to say...

so what do you think are ways to turn a woman (or a man) off?

cg

garden or vessel?

2009-01-03T15:11:00.003-06:00

from the movie "circle of friends":

"which is it to be: gardens for jesus or vessels of sin?"

lol

cg

porn and the death of american society

2009-01-03T11:01:00.002-06:00

comfy made an interesting comment about the professional porn industry and how its promotion of certain body types, etc is part of what is killing american society...my response to her comment is a post on my curiosities and musings blog...go take a look...

cg

do the poll dance

2009-01-02T20:35:00.001-06:00

since i am really curious about you guys and what you like, take a few sex and do the poll dance to the righty tighty....

cg

porn on the cob

2009-01-02T19:15:00.000-06:00

i was having a delightful conversation (yes, i fucking said delightful) about porn choices out there...aneris essentially asked where was the line between naked people taking a video of themselves and porn...

hmm...well, it's all porn, i said...but she was referring to fantasy-based porn...and i quipped that the difference between a professional and an amateur is that the professional gets paid...old line, but there you have it...

thus launched a discussion in the porn that fuels our state of arousal...i, on the one hand, enjoy amateur porn...it can be both arousing and funny at the same time...i just enjoy the fact that it is real people...

aneris, on the other hand, wants her fantasy porn to be specific...so there was the naked line...professional porn (whether well done or not) is very specific to a theme typically...there is a specific purpose for the porn...amateur porn is, as aneris put it, naked people taking a video of themselves...

some people do want their porn to fuel something particular...they use it to evoke/intensify a desire for something...

amateur porn could do that as well, although it can be really hit or miss....you could go for long extended periods of time where you are going "okay...hmm"...and you fast forward or walk away for a while...plus...EVERYONE thinks they are jenna jameson...and they are NOT...

"pro-porn" cuts out a lot of the nonsense and gets to the goods right away...no long date before the happy ending fuck...the most minimal of expository fluff and then wham!...asses, dicks, cunts, and holes are spread for the world to see in high def...

where do you stand on the porn fence?...i would LOVE to know what a few of you might think...;)

cg

new kid on the block

2009-01-01T20:48:00.001-06:00

after all this time...bi-guy has finally read my blog...finally!...i really wasnt sure if i was ready for him to see it...hell, i had no idea what i had posted about him...

get this...he said my blog was "classy, very grown up"...that was very nice...if we are lucky...he may drop in and say hi...so be nice everyone...

oh, and get this...he likes aneris...weird, i know...but since i totally heart her that's all good...;)

we had a good long talk today about his long time interest in a "dominant, sexy, powerful woman" in the bedroom....i was surprised that we had not discussed this before...i am trying to see if he will do a guest post on here about the stuff we talked about today...he is considering it....

hmm...it feels like "bring a friend to bingo night"...

cg

99 bottles

2009-01-01T13:46:00.002-06:00

two nights in a row...up til 5am...drunken walks to the 24-hour grocery store...vodka so smooth you cant taste it...until it creeps up on your and rapes you in the ass...

writing on someone's drunk face...not mine!...lol...

all this craziness has left me uber horny...the amount of wetness is insane...i normally get really wet anyhow, but even more so lately...had a nice email from someone telling me how horny he was...damn...that was nice...

he asked "did you at least get laid?"...erm, no...i was with family and friends, so nope...

this curious girl will spend a quiet day recovering...i'll just be lurking around probably chatting with aneris! lol...

happy new year!!

cg

tmi tuesday #167 - happy new year!

2008-12-30T08:17:00.002-06:00

(this is a bit late...i started it yesterday afternoon and just now got the chance to finish it)

1. Last week was "The Most Wonderful time of the Year", but what are your favorite 2008 memories?

my favorite memories of 2008...coming here in an effort to explore myself (both sexually and non-sexually)...re-connecting with an old friend or two...vacation time...yeah, boring i suppose, but that's like asking "what's your favorite reason for living?"...

2. What is the best thing you learned in 2008?

to keep certain thoughts to myself...either people see you differently and fault you for tarnishing the vision they created of of you or they twist things to suit their need of the moment...

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2008?

7...not terrible, but it was an emotionally charged year...but i have had a lot of work satisfaction so it all evens out...

4. What is your wish for 2009? What is your wish for someone else for 2009?

for myself...i really need to work on finishing what i start...i get all these ideas that i want to do and i get distracted with them so my ideas often stay in my head...

for someone else...i hope that this person never lets fear or despair cloud their view of life...it's brighter than you can imagine...

5. Where was the first place you ever passionately kissed?

on the playground...hey, it was passionate at the time in my mind!!...i dare you to say that a six-year-old cannot feel intensely...lol...

Bonus (as in optional):Do you make New Year's resolutions? What is/are your's for 2009?

i used to want to make resolutions...but then i realized it's like putting a starting point for goals...you shouldnt have to wait for the word "GO!" to know when to start making a change...change can happen at any time of the year, day and night...

cg

secret admiree(s)

2008-12-28T23:50:00.002-06:00

the long and windy path of a blogger leads them to interact with others they normally would not for various reasons...but, nevertheless, a bond is forged through those interactions..and sometimes...a crush...ah, yes...boy meets girl...or boy...or boy and girl...you get the drift...

which made me think about my little blogger crushes...you may think you know, but you will never guess all of them...yes, more than one!...

do you have a secret blogger crush?...does someone have one on you?...i sound so adolescent, yet it is intriguing isnt it?...so many of us are like one great big afternoon tea...and a nice side of gossip is just the thing...

i wonder if you know that i have a crush on you...or you..or you...;)

cg

missed opportunities and inspirations

2008-12-28T12:12:00.003-06:00

last night i was supposed to meet up with musician...he was going to be somewhat in my vicinity and offered to hang out...but then i got busy with family and he got busy with his friends and then he had to go to a gig...

not sure how i feel about him...a friend of mine says that he can tell that we are attracted to each other and that it seems inevitable that something will develop...i am not so sure...i like that he has his own thing and doesnt call all the damn time and gives me space, but i dont like when ppl say "oh, hey, i'll call you tonight" or whatevs and they dont...eh, for a friend that's fine...sometimes...but all the time?...yeah, i lose interest...we'll see...

but i was talking to bi-guy last night...it had been a while since we'd chatted...he is friends with my sis too, but he and i are closer....he wanted to know if there were any cute guys...said he just wanted to find a nice, sweet guy for his first time...he thinks he just needs to get it out of his system...lol...ah, if he only knew!!...

i dont' know why the idea of him being topped by another man is so arousing to me...it isnt like i have always had that fantasy...it only developed through knowing him...we have a lot in common so that is the basis for our friendship...and he is very interested in women...but as i have mentioned before on here, he has long had a sexual interest in men that goes back and forth...the last few months he hasnt denied it as much and is actually wanting to find a woman that will both accept and encourage his interest in men...

aneris and i were talking about chb the other day (he posted a pic of himself in his undies and she was saying how cute he was and nice his legs were)...and i told her yeah, i just want to rape him!! hahaha...not literally, but you get the idea...

bi-guy and i have gotten into this little pattern where he brings up the idea of me choosing men ( i sometimes point out, oh look at that guy, he's your type)...and he gets excited and i get excited...so i create this fantasy for him based on the guy we focus on from afar...and he gets so hot that he uses our scenario to jack off to...

over the course of this blog i have come to realize that an individually our sexuality does not have to fit into a single mold and make sense to everyone...as long as it makes sense to ourselves in the fact that we know what arouses us...and how to arouse others who may share those stimulations...instead of fighting ourselves to accept what others press upon us as what "should" be stimulating...

cg