have you ever had those moments of "what if"...not regret...because to regret something is to wish you had done it differently...i dont necessarily wish that..i just wonder at the probabilities more than anything...in a mathematical sense ...if that makes sense, even...
as i prepare for this time away, i have been cleaning things out (i dont like leaving with things not in order) and i found them...a stack of cds...with his handwriting on them...we were so innocent...young and naive...he was so fragile...he brought out something soft and gentle in me...he never pushed or became angry...there was an eagerness to please me inside of him and he was never afraid or ashamed to show it...
i listen to the songs he chose for me to listen to...he was an avid musician (drummer) and he shared that world with me...the songs i hear...will always remind me of him...
do i love him still?...i love what once was...i love what i became in that time...and i ponder the reasons why i have not been as such since...
what if things had gone differently and i had let it happen...but...things happen for a reason...or not...i remember, though, that he took up so much of my energy...he had experienced drug use and alcohol abuse and it had taken a serious toll on him...his parents had little expectations of him except that he live comfortably...a comfort they willingly provided...and would have extended to me...except that it wasnt right...
dont misunderstand me..i am not pining over a lost love...i am remembering an old friend...because we were friends first...
cg
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my topic is despair - but it is all worth listening to
thinking without a brain can have its moments
About Me
- curiousgirl
- i keep wanting to be in that place when you've figured it out...ha!
curiousgirl's audio contributions - "passages" by Scott Josephson
my topic is despair - but it is all worth listening to
things i heart
3 curious people say...:
life could have been chaotic and he could have been your Tornado.....instead the storm passed, and now all you have are the memories of the days.....I think I understand
in all honesty, i was (and still am) the storm/tornado...lol...anyone who knows me as i am would say that that is a fairly accurate assumption...true, he needed a lot of reassurance and understanding, but i am such emotional high maintenance myself...for different reasons, i suppose...
and yes, now the storm has passed (wow...that was well over 11/12 years ago) all i have are the memories...and music...i threw everything else away because i didnt want to be reminded...but i do have my journal i kept during that time...ah, memories!
cg
Yes I most certainly have my what if moments!
In fact I have a post entitled "The One That Got Away" which is all about a recent "What If" pondering..
http://thehappilymarriedwife.blogspot.com/
I am a follower of yours and woul love you to become a follower of mine - safety in numbers for us girsl right..
XOXO
Wifey
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