tongue like a wet noodle

that's what it felt like...a wet noodle slapping against my girly bits...and he bit my clit...about five seconds into it...i actually said, "dude, this isnt working, i'm not aroused anymore"...since when does oral sex not arouse??...in a strange way it was comedic...he told me to relax...that i needed to just enjoy it...

enjoy what exactly...i asked him when was the last time he had done this and he said it had been awhile...clearly...it had been a while for me as well, but damn, i KNOW how it is supposed to feel and that was not it...

he tried, oh how he tried...but to no avail...i finally sat up on my elbows and said, "when was the last time you had to seduce and woo a woman"...the crickets chirping in the background gave me the answer i needed...

let me show you, i said...then i kissed his neck...soft wet kisses...i kissed his jawline..around his lips...teasing his lips with my tongue...his nipples, his stomach, caressing his balls...it went on...he was moaning and jerking his hips...i asked him how he felt... "fucking fantastic" he said...

then i sat back and said EXACTLY how YOU are supposed to make ME feel...fucking fantastic...

do i really need to draw a map?...evidently!

cg

i've been wanting to ask you something...

he said to me the other day..."i wanted to ask you if you would be my girlfriend"...i closed my eyes thinking, how could i do this to this genuinely nice person...i am talking about that moment when you know someone feels something for you that you do not share...when you say to yourself "i have to be honest with this person and tell him what you are is sweet, kind, and gentle - what i am is tired, jaded, and apathetic"...

and i tried...kinda...

i've heard men say that women only want assholes or jerks...maybe that is true for some women...while i cannot speak for all women, i will say that guys who are "too" nice are like a sandwich without any meat...veggie only style sandwiches are completely overrated, btw...

when a guy makes me feel like a pervy old woman (and i'm not old, just in my thirties, thankyouverymuch!) that is preying on an innocent schoolboy, something is wrong (or is it right? i can never keep that straight!)

in the end, i did say i appreciated his thinking of me but i just am not in a position to be with anyone right now...there is some truth to that, work has had me super busy...

i've been masturbating like crazy lately...got a new toy, lelo soraya and i totally love it!...i've ejaculated several times with this thing...the kind of orgasms that leave you smiling and grinning like a fool...it's such a pretty pretty toy...i still have yet to fully explore this thing, but i just get all giddy thinking about it...i kept saying i would buy a jimmyjane but i ended up with lelo...so glad i did, but i do have my eye on two or three others...

oh, looks like it's all charged up and ready to go...what? what's that you say? it's time to play? oh, well, if you insist....

that's soraya, calling my name...;)

cg

EDIT: btw, i just saw the CUTEST leaf vibes - i am so getting one of those...

good dick

i was flipping through movies and came across one called "good dick"...it isnt a new film, it's a few years old...but the title struck me and so i checked out the trailer and decided what the hell..

in a nutshell: video store clerk falls for this girl that rents soft core porn on an almost daily basis...he follows her home and proceeds to seduce her in the strangest way...she insults him, calls him names, is demanding and rude...and yet, he seems to understand that this part has to happen...as if he knows/recognizes this is a hurdle she must overcome, they must overcome...

what struck me about the movie is how i could identify with her...i am not nearly so anti-social!...yet, that sense of distance, that aloof nature, that biting attitude and distrust...it would be easy to romanticize the concept of some guy in it for the long haul, willing to accept whatever the woman has to offer - even if it means he gets nothing, all for the purpose of seeing the rainbow that will be revealed after the storm...

you dont see men willing to brave that storm too often...women do...they brave that storm...the wind, the hail, the downpour of rain pelting like little pebble....objectively, i could ponder the thought that men perhaps have more sense of self-worth than women...or is it pride?...

in the film, the clerk accepted his object of affection scars, wounds, baggage and all...he did not seem too concerned if she accepted him for himself...he presented himself to her....for her...he pushed a little here and there and if she pushed back he stepped away...

my question after watching this film: how realistic is this? would a man truly put aside his needs, wants, and self in favor of helping a woman he barely knows to see and know her value to him?...

it wasnt a super powerful movie nor was it a super sexually thrilling film considering how much sex figures into the movie...but i liked it, i could feel a little of that distance (not for the same reasons, tho) and understand how even when you push everyone away...a little part of you wishes that one day, someone would push back...and not just walk away....

cg

VOD and toys

i could say that i got busy and forgot about the VOD (verb of the day) but honestly, i could not think of where to start...should i choose a verb the night before? should i choose it that morning? in the middle of the day?...so i decided i would choose it the day/night before...

the first VOD was clean...i cleaned, did laundry, and organized (life has been hectic and busy so my clean laundry has been sitting in two large baskets pleading with me to fold, iron, and put away...but i'm nobody's bitch! (not even my laundry!)...

tomorrow's VOD is inspire...i am going to see how many people i can inspire with my words/actions...i should keep a little journal...i want to be a muse...i want to be a catalyst of sorts...i want to help channel the creative energy that is spinning and humming just beneath the surface of others...

in other not-so-news, i have been toying with the thought of a new toy purchase...i have it narrowed down to two or three...i should bite the bullet (no pun intended!) and just get all three...some days i think that if i had a choice between a toy and man, i would take the toy!

i have had some interesting sexual connections lately (nothing physical at this time)...one involves a daddy/little girl fantasy play that just had me rockin' and reelin'...the arousal factor shot through the roof and the orgasms were amazing...i never thought that would have such an effect...

cg

the passage of time

time has a way of slipping away at times...as a little girl, the passage of time was something i could not fully comprehend...i knew that birthdays and holidays crept by once a year and that bedtime came too soon...it's been over a year since my last post (thank you so much for those of you that have continued to email me every so often - i dont check my email frequently enough, but thanks for emailing - it means a lot to me!)...in that year, i kept saying "i need to post! i need to check out my favorite bloggers/blogs!"...but, time has a way of slipping by...

over the past year:

1. i met some really interesting people

2. i met some other people that i hope to never meet again!

3. i made some bad choices

4. i made some better choices, too!

5. i took chances - that i would normally have never taken, but at least i can say i did

6. i learned that taking chances is really a good way to grow and can make you laugh at yourself when you wonder "what the hell was i thinking??"

7. sometimes, i am just not a very nice person

other than that, life is pretty peachy...well, as long as i let that peach set in a paper bag for a couple of days, should be alright!

men are just such fascinating creatures...they have continued to drive my crazy - and not in that really hot, sexy, fabulous way!...nope, they just do and say and behave so strangely...a friend of mine consistently says "you have the WORST taste in men!"...well, i thought they tasted just fine, thankyouverymuch!! ;)

oh, i know as women we can make life hell at times for you guys...but i marvel at how men can be so utterly, adorably, sensuously charming and have the ability to say things like "you intrigue me" "i am so in like with you right now" "i've never been so into a woman like i am into you"...

do you get those from books or something?...i'm not "man-hating", nope, just curious...why say those things?...do you really think we believe those?...i would prefer not to become a cynical, eye-rolling disbeliever of all things men say/do...but, alas!...i fear it is nearly too late!

*falls to a swoon*

anyhow, i decided to do something fun and silly to make the passage of this next year go by with a bit of humor and a bit of no-regret...i read somewhere about life being a verb (sounds like a damn progressive, self-help, helpmenotbesowhinyandunhappywithmylife kind of thing)..

so, i'm going to pick a random verb and try to "do" that verb three times in one day...hell, i thought it would be kinda fun and random to do...in fact, i didnt know i was going to do it until i started typing and the idea popped into my head...fancy that!...

any verb suggestions?...

i think i might just cut them up into index cards or papers or some shit like that and randomly draw one out so i know what my focus verb will be...

i start tomorrow...the verb...

procrastinate..

;)

cg

big daddy and the sexy texan

that's what he calls himself...sometimes...he pushed too hard last time...was pushing too hard again this time around...but now it seems he's gone and figured out just how the hell to get under my skin without making me roll my eyes or shoo him off...he's fired up, all right, and looking to fire me up as well...

bdenied and the missus call him boomerang, and that was what i was going to call him but i think BD will suit him just fine...

i feel him trying to "train" me or "groom" me...try is the key word...although a part of me may play along because of the novelty of it...

i had a date with ST the other day but the stars were misaligned and i had to cancel..he made up for it by sending me a sexy vid of him jerking off to some pics i'd sent him earlier that day...his cum came out so thick and milky...i cant wait to feel it in my mouth again...

these two men couldnt be any more different...they are about fifteen years apart...BD is the older one...so much self-confidence (arrogance, really) and used to getting his way always...ST is younger, closer to my age, but younger...quieter, less showy...let's me take the lead and asks before doing anything "can i kiss you?" "can i touch your breasts?" "can i please stick my finger inside you?"....there is this amazing sweetness and innocence that surrounds him...he would laugh if i told him that...

BD doesnt ask...at least not like ST would ask...he asks things like "would you slide down to your knees for me, darlin?" "why don't you open your lips so i can see how my cock looks inside your mouth?"...really, they are more commands...but done in a certain way...

i get something different out of each one...ST is dying for me to send him a vid or pic of me going down on BD (or anyone, he says)...he thinks it is so erotic...he also wants to send me vid/pics of himself with other women...

i get dizzy thinking about it all...i dont know if i could choose between both...i have the upper hand with one, but not so much with the other...having both makes it possible for me to not have to make any choices...

at least for now...

cg

the return

i was younger then...in years, yes, but also in the way i saw the world and how my little piece of the puzzle would one day fit into it...i was more worried with where i would fit rather than how...he was older and strong...too strong...it was like inhaling a scent that was overpowering and seductive at the same time...i couldnt breathe...i felt constricted and frantic...

he wanted to control me, he said...but in those oh, so, subtle ways...but i would have none of it...he demanded of me, i resisted...he followed me, i ran...the harder he pursued, the faster i fled...

he became hurt and angry with me...he accused me of leading him on a merry chase, which i likely was...he wanted to smother me with sexual energy and whatever else he had left to give me...it was like being burned, it was too much...

now he's back...years later...and he still wants me...im older now, wiser in many ways...i cannot tell what he seeks this time...i havent forgotten you, he said...

this time...i am so very curious...

this time...i wonder if i will stop running...

cg