shits and giggles (not literally)

it feels like its been forever since i've posted here, but i guess i've gone much longer in between posts...anyhow, the other night we went out and were having a few drinks when up come two guys we'd met before..like a year ago at a completely different place...weird...one of them had this little crush on little cg but she'd blown him off because he was too shy for her taste...

i swear...southern men are a totally different breed...they literally said "we were raised that women should not have to pay for anything when you take them out"...um, great, but we were sitting at the table first...you two came and sat down after....anyhow, it isnt something that is unique, that's just how it is here, i suppose...but they just kept going on and on and on about how women are so special, blah, blah, blah...

and they were such gentlemen...one guy just drove off without his friend!...we had to drive his ass back to his home...we waited while he called his friend and the look of utter stupefaction on his face was priceless..."dude, uh, where'dja go?...ah'm shtandin' here an' ah dont see yer truck"...yes, say it out loud because he did speak that way...actually, it's kinda cute...but not in the wee hours of the a. m. when you just want to go home and pass out...

there were these three scottish guys playing pools not far from where we were sitting and they had fabulous accents...but they were pretty pissed...they'd been drinking all day...

i've been so fucking horny lately...fucking hormones...last night i came so hard i just passed out afterwards...everything turns me one...what sucks is that aunt flo is in town (if you dont want to know this shit, why read?)...anyhow, as comfy stated, i should just get "crazy"...believe me, i have...i'm just not that crazy about it...and its always like this...always...sometimes i have this vision of myself at 80 masturbating in a nursing home and the fucking attendants not letting me have my pleasure...fuck wads...i'll throw my cane at them!!

oh, and i am giving a shout out to ryleigh over at holy hells...i've been quietly stalking her and she only recently discovered it!...hehehe....please go check out her blog...she is fucking spaz-tastic...

as mistress of this here blog, i hereby order all of you to go fuck someone or something (??)...seriously, when you masturbate...what images do you conjure up?...curious minds (especially this one!) want to know...

cg

tough love

i was tough on little cg tonight...made her cry...didnt intend to...she said she just felt bad for not being in control of herself...eh, cry on, little girl, you'll get no sympathy from me...

lol...

anyhow, i got some new underthings today...pretty lacy bras...they were the last of my "spring shopping spree"...well, almost...;)...but then i'll be good to go for a little while...do men go out and buy new things before going on a trip (whether small or big) like women do??...

i do so enjoy being a girl...*sighs*...

cg

it's a sunshine day

funny how after a mudslide of a day, things look brighter and more optimistic...or maybe that is my naturally "hopeful" side...a friend recently said she almost called me while she and her bf were in the middle of having sex...wowsa! (you know, i type that word but i have NEVER actually said since it sounds so...dorky..)

she ended up getting the best times to call me if they were so inclined during another evening of sexual play time...now i have this vision of an erotic adult play center where grown-ups can drop by a la mother's day out programs and run around gleefully like children naked, half-naked, fully clothed - whatever the desire may be...

interesting how a little thought jumps around taking shape and form...

this little play center would not be all dark and dimly lit...it would be bright with lots of natural light from windows...definitely lots of trees in the area...there would be computer rooms for easy access to various porn sites...small movie theater (with tissue holders and various lubes, etc)...a sauna...a gym area...massage rooms...rooms where couples can play but that will offer voyeurs the opportunity to watch through "false" mirrors (no clue what they are really called and i lack the energy to google it)...a ginormous kitchen with various foods for sex play...a few thematic rooms for role play activities...nothing too heavy with the themed rooms...that would be a different animal all together...

isnt fun when we let our imaginations take flight?...

cg

the path to curiosity

here are a few of the recent paths people traversed to find this curious girl...

"teddy bear nose in vagina hump"

"ftm masturbation"

"curiosityporn"

"pretend i am a girl"

"sexy masturbation story"

"cum"

my favorite has to be the first one...because i did used to hump my teddy bear when i was a young girl..*sighs*...memories....

and that reminds me...

i remember we were driving on a family vacation somewhere...doesnt matter...anyhow...i must have been physically aroused for some reason...and i remember i was sitting there and moving my hips in slow circles so that my pussy would rub against the seam of my shorts...it was a such a good feeling, yet i knew that it was not for others to know...my sisters told me to sit still and asked me if i needed to use the bathroom...i said no, i was just tired of sitting still for so long...

i cant remember how old i was...i had not started my period...so i must have been around ten or so...

i think that was around the time i started plucking my pubes out...lol...a story for another time!

cg

how crazy is this??

tbk tweeted about this and i had to link it...twins from two different fathers...crazy....

cg

so silly

that last post was quite...er...well, it was something all right...i feel better today...and i feel rather silly for being emotional, but...it is what it is!

i just ordered a new bag from dungaree dolly's and i am so excited...it feels like i've done nothing but go shopping lately, but it's been a while...i should be good to go for a while now...got some new bras from vs they should be here next week...yays!

it was a fan-fucking-tastically gorgeous day today...i am so glad i work where i can have the doors and windows open on a pretty day like today...unfortunately, summer's is nearly here and those days will be far and few between until late fall!...summer in texas...

i am actually quite sleepy...but very aroused...dont you hate that feeling where you are tired and yet you cant sleep because of all the squirming you are doing as a result of certain pulsing and feeling of wetness?...did that last part make sense??...

cg

fuck you

when no one is there, suddenly i am your best friend...but then when you find other arrangements, how quickly i get replaced...

fuck you...you make me angry...fucking condescending attitude "aww, do you miss me?"...you know what?...yeah, i did...but now, why the fuck would i want to be around you...you've become such an obnoxious, pretentious little shit...always too good...and how well you know it...

always i make excuses for your behavior because i feel obligated...after all, i have practically raised you...given you everything...given you space to make mistakes...and helped you up after you've fallen...

all i ever asked was a little time...but you cant even spare that, can you?...unless you've exhausted all your other avenues and then suddenly you cant wait to do something with me...you tell me "guess what??...i thought we could do this, or do that"...um..it doesnt work like that...or worse...after you say that then as an afterthought "i have a little free time before i have to go here or there"...i am supposed to be your fucking filler ??...eat shit...

am i jealous?...not like you think...i was there first and always...and i dont expect to be first always...i understand that...i do expect a little courtesy...i mean...who the hell have you turned into??...you find fault with EVERYONE...and they know it...you are building quite the reputation for yourself as a snobby bitch...at least i'm not snobby...but damn, do you have to look down your nose at everything and everyone??...i would ask you who raised you...but i know i did not raise you to be like that...

today, just sitting there with your arms crossed across your chest and those dramatic sighs like everything is such a fucking damned inconvenience for you...rude much??...i did not excuse your behavior...you looked a fool and everyone else saw it...

i cant even look at you, you make me so angry...

grow the fuck up and learn some damned manners...

cg

memories and desire

today a friend of mine is having her bachelorette party...and, as per usual, instead of going, i have avoided this meeting and sent a card with spending money for a few drinks on me...we have been friends for years, but had had a disagreement that led to a major strain on our relationship...

i went to see her about a little over a year ago and things seemed okay...but i knew they would never be the same...things happen sometimes and i tend to let go a little quickly...attachment issues i suppose...

anyhow, she is now getting married soon and i received an invite to her bach party...i remember how we used to talk about how i would plan it for her...girls being girls...because we have not spoken really since a year ago, i felt awkward going...i do not know her friends and although she said she really wanted me to be there "for old times' sake"...i made other plans and told her that unfortunately i could not attend...

she received the card and money and thanked me...she was surprised i would do something like that, but she admitted that it did seem like something i would do...

i am also not going to the wedding...i would feel awkward there as well, but i also have something major at work that day (she is getting married on a friday about an hour or so away from where i am and there are conflicting scheduling glitches)...

we used to have one helluva time...when i think about it, i realize i just want to remember those times and not have any awkward moments to mar them...

i have also heard from a few other people from years and years ago...and heaven help me if they want to "get together and hang out!"...they are all married with children ages five and under...what the hell would we have to talk about??...they all do the terribly polite societal duties and volunteer at all the popular organizations...then they have ladies' lunches and set up play dates for their children so that their children can all be friends like we were...

"are you married??"

"do you have any children??"

"let's have lunch!!"

and yes...they say it just like that...

then last night...

i get a phone call from a very horny soldier boy..."let me come over"...does he know any other lines??...

i have company, i tell him (okay, so the company is a five year old i am watching...lol)...he proceeds to have a series of orgasms (he'd been jerking off for a while, and wanted to call me when he came...how..sweet??)

"do i make you wet, baby?"...yeah, totally...didnt i tell you i dont like to be called "baby"??...

then...

he cries...

how he hasnt had sex in so long and cant find any women that want to fuck him...now this surprises me...he is pretty good looking and dresses very well...and he showers generous gifts on women...

but war does strange things to people...it changes them...and he knows it...three tours have turned him into a combination of a old-young man...he feels old...older than his peers by years...and yet...he is emotionally still in his early twenties/late teens...yet on the verge of turning 30...

we talked for a long time...he refuses to take the meds that were prescribed to him...i just do not have it in me to be supportive as a friend...but i also dont have the heart to tell him that...he knows that i consider him as a friend only, and he said he asks for no more than that...

breathe deeply...in and out...breathe deeply...

cg

ask a curious girl - Q & A

since i've got a nice batch of questions, i figured i'd start off with five random questions that some of you emailed me...if you'd like to ask a question, shoot it this way via email and i'll do my best to get to' em as quick as i can...

#1 - Does any emotional stress make you horny?

hells yeah...i know with some people it makes their libido shift away from sexual arousal...i am the opposite...when i am stressed, i need release...i dont want to cuddle, i just want to get that tension ironed out...plus, it takes my mind off of whatever is clanging and banging around my noggin...

#2 - Ever meet people from blog-world?

blog world?...not at this point...i do talk on the phone with a few blog-o-buddies...(aneris! icb, lol)...and i email with a few others...i have met a couple of people i met through the internet though...

#3 - What is the oldest person you have dated?

hmm...most have been somewhere within my age range...although i have never dated anyone younger...soldier boy doesnt count because we didnt exactly "date"...for some reason, though, i get along pretty well with older people in general...i have a few friends that are a good 20 years older and i enjoy their company...would i date anyone that much older?...i honestly dont know...that is a good question...i must deliberate on this one...

#4 - Do you "flirt" with all of your readers, or just a select few?

lol...i do my best to respond to just about all of the comments on here and sometimes i am "playful"...i think i have a special connection to a few of them, though...maybe one or two in particular...this question in interesting in that it did not specify anyone in particular...curious as to which person(s) the asker felt i was "flirting" with...

#5 - Do you have any toys?

hmm...well, anything can be a toy, really ;)....but, yes, i do have one...there are a few others i would like to try as well, however...

that's all for tonight, folks...until next time!

cg

cum-sicles??

would you eat 'em?...would you make'em??...check out isabella snow's sex talk...i know some of ya'll out there would dive head first into something like this...

cg

men make me crazy

and not in a good way...musician is about to make me pull my hair out...with his odd txts and phone calls...why the fuck call me if you are tired and going to bed...if you are calling to say "good night"...dont bother...that is one of the most ridiculous things people do..."oh, hi, how was your day, btw...i am tired and going to bed...just wanted to say hi before i hit the hay"...that is a pointless call...there is no conversational value to it...and please...dont try and get me to "ask" you to pay attention to me...because i wont do it...pfft...

then in the middle of my pointless conversation with musician, angry boy calls...??...wtf???...and leaves me the funniest message...he tried to sound breathy and sexy as he said "hey...havent talked to you in a while...when are we going to get together again?.."...only women can sound sexy and breathy...men sound sexy when their voices get low and quiet...he sounded like he'd just run a few miles and was about to pass out...

what sucks is that in the middle of all this i am horny and irritable...irritable in general...like now...at this moment...tired as hell...but horny as all get out...

tomorrow's friday!!..

cg

at work today

adrenaline was keeping me moving...lots of hustle and bustle at this time of year...felt this intense need for instant release...could i make it through the end of the day??...some time alone...felt so much moisture...went to the rest room...locked the door...my nipples were so swollen and hard...i twisted them between my fingers...another jolt between my legs...fuck it...i sat on the floor, leaned against the wall and spread my legs open...this wasnt about slow arousal...this was about finding that release....again...and again...and once more...i felt invigorated...alert...focused...i was ready to face the rest of the day...

today was a good day...

cg

shoes and make up...

make everything better...:)

cg

hello?...this is your wake up call...

i have mentioned on here about my stress level being intense lately...okay, lately = the last year, year and a half...

i was talking to a friend of mine and explaining that i get into these ruts that i call "comfort zones"...his response was:

"What comfort zone? Seriously, are you kidding? What part of your life is comfortable? You only think you have a comfort zone, because it's the lie you have been telling yourself for way too long. Comfort comes from being OK to be you and not feeling like you have to hide from anything. Comfort does NOT come from hiding from those you don't want to deal with and stressing about life on the level you have been stressing. A brick wall is waiting in front of you. It's coming a hell of a lot faster than you realize. I just hope after the impact, you have what it takes to get back up."

at first i thought to myself...whoa, buddy...what do mean i am not okay with being me?...hiding from those i dont want to deal with??...

but...he's right...what i cant figure out is why i dont feel comfortable being who i am...actually, it isnt that exactly...i am not sure what it is...and what lie do i tell myself each and every day?...that i am happy and content with my life...and to some extent, that is true...

those things that used to make me happy i have put away in this mental box...i dont feel good about them anymore...because i doubt myself so much more than i used to...

when you are young, you dont have so much doubt in yourself...you dont question it as much...you just are...

i have created this image of myself to the others in my immediate life and i have hemmed myself in too nicely...when i try to push past it, i am greeted with stern looks and shaking of heads...

i used to love singing so much that it was an extention of myself...i was not complete without it...hours each day i practiced...and i loved every minute of it...

i tell people that i have found other ways to fulfill my life...that i have moved on from that...gotten older and dont have time for it...

but i am never happier than when i am driving with the wind in my hair and singing for no one but my own secret joy...a joy that i cant share with anyone else...because in many ways it is so private to me...

and sometimes...i cry...because i miss those parts of myself that i let go...abandoned without a second glance...

and if i look back...i'm afraid i will see where i fell...and never got back up...

cg

ftm

recently i have been watching some youtube vids about transgender individuals, specifically ftm...i have also seen the mtf, but they arent as interesting to me...i am truly amazed at the determination they have to make these changes in their lives and bodies to follow the path that is true for them...there is a single thread that ties all their stories together, other than the obvious changes...a persistent, positive outlook within a strong network of support...

i myself have never felt anything other than female so i could not begin to imagine what it must be like to be trapped inside a body that you know in your heart cannot be yours...

i cannot recall if i have mentioned it here before...i may have made comments about it on a blog or two...i knew a girl that used to tell me she was a boy...she said "god made me wrong...i was supposed to be a boy"...she wanted to be called "max"...she wanted to dress in boy clothes all the time...

she was three years old...

it was just her and her mother at home...there were times when this little girl would come over and i would watch her while her mother was running errands...sometimes she wanted to have her hair fixed "like a girl"...but then she would look at her reflection in the mirror and this strange look would cross over her features...she would say "i'm ugly because i'm a boy, not a girl"...i never told her otherwise...i would just ask her why she would say that and she would tell me in the saddest voice "because, i can feel like inside i am supposed to be a boy on the outside...i was made wrong"...

over the next several years, she never once wavered on this...by age six, she had requested that i call her "max" whenever it was just us but not around her mother "because she doesnt believe me that i am a boy inside, so just call me [birth name] so she doesnt get mad"...

i think she opened up to me because i didnt contradict what she was saying...she was extremely intelligent, so i knew early on that this was not a case of her not understanding what "boys" and "girls" were....she knew and understood...she also knew that others would not understand, so she began keeping those thoughts to herself...

she did not have an easy life...her mother struggled with depression and would often say "i hope she ends up gay that way she wont get knocked up"...she said this when her child was four...i tried to talk to her mother...another common friend told me "she is just confused because her mother does not display anything remotely feminine"...i wasnt so sure...

i was told by this common friend, after a long and lengthy discussion..."if [little girl] is truly a child with gender identity issues, it will be a long road ahead...all we can do is be there and ready if/when we are needed"...this came from one of the most conservative persons i know...but she was not stupid, and realized that this was not a case of a confused child...

i have not seen this child in a long, long time...two, three? years...often i wonder about her...is she still hiding her feelings?...will she ever be comfortable taking that first step to a new life?...i worry as well...

what gets lost in these ftm stories i read/see are the very young children that know from a young age that something is not right...

i remember one of the last things i told this little child...she had been crying because her mother had told her that she wasnt "max" and she wasnt a boy and she needed to stop saying she was or people would think she was crazy...she said "i have to pretend i am a girl even though i know i am not"...my heart hurt so much for this six-year-old that had to struggle with such a monumental hurdle...i held her closely and said this:

"one day, when you grow up you will have so many more choices in your life...you can choose where you want to live, where you want to work, what friends you want to have, when you want to go to bed...and, when you grow up, if you still feel this way...you can make that choice to live that way...whatever you decide...even if i am not there...my heart will always be with you and i will always love you no matter what...girl...or boy"...

they ended up moving away and we lost contact...i still think about her often...i wonder if she will remember those words i said to her...i wonder if she knows that i meant every one of them...

cg

ask a curious girl

reminder..i am working on a post (or two) based on questions you guys send me...i have a good start so far, but i'd like to get a few more in...just drop me an email (posted on the right sidebar) with 5 questions or so, let me know how you want to be credited for the questions...if you would rather be "anonymous" i can do that as well...

so, drop me a line with a few questions...they could be something you are mildly curious about or perhaps something you already know about me and want to ask so that others will know it as well...whatever!

hope to hear from you guys soon!!

cg

tmi tuesday #185

1. Have you ever bought a membership to a porn site? If yes, what is the most recent one and did you like it?

interestingly enough no...

2. Would you rather watch a erotic/porn movie, read a story, or listen to an audio? Why?

i would rather read something erotic that i've written aloud for another person to hear...why?...because it is very arousing to initiate another person's arousal...and to know that you can "control" it to a degree based on how you read it...based on what they thought they knew about you...but also like to watch/read/listen (well, i dont like to listen to stories being read, not really sure why)

3. If you have a significant other what do you do for each other to get in the mood? If you don't what would you kind of thing could a future potential long term partner do to get you in the mood?

do i have a "significant other"...hmm...i suppose that depends on the significance of a lot of things...so, i guess there is no straight answer on that one...(not that i am one to give completely straight answers, lol)

hmm...lots of teasing...i am big into word play...slowly twisting and turning thoughts in the other person's mind based on what arouses them/me...i enjoy engaging in fantasy...i like controlling the situation...a part of me feels frustrated and irritated if i cant...i lose interest so quickly when the other person tries to steer things...it's really difficult for me to stay focused and then my mind wanders and then suddenly the arousal is gone and i am left feeling bothered and annoyed...

4. When it comes to sex, how much do you talk about it with others? How comfortable are you talking about sex?

on here?...i talk a lot, obviously...i am very curious and interested in so many things that i want to know and understand the things others do (that are not necessarily for me) because i am fascinated with it...talking about my personal sex life outside of here?...doesnt happen...i keep that side very private...

5. What are the last 5 things you search for on Google (or another search engine)?

"for today i am a child, for today i am a boy" (someone had that on twitter and i found it very beautiful)

a specific clinical assessment center in the city where i live (has to do with work, not personal)

google (i was a moron and googled google but i was really looking for something else)

(i looked up stuff on amazon - i love amazon: searched for various items related to work)



Bonus: Have you ever had a fantasy that you were ashamed of?

that's a good question...not that i can think of...

cg

running on empty

i tend to give more than i can afford and when that happens i run myself into the ground...sputter...collapse...reawaken with a new vision...and start all over again...this is the cycle i have created for myself...

now it seems i am running on empty once again...the bits and pieces that once held me together are now hanging by a thread...i am trying to make it to the finish line (what finish line? what will i win if i get there??) but something tells me i will sputter and collapse before then...

i think i can, i think i can...

i think i will fall...

cg

interesting "fetish"

i found this on "up schist creek"...he had a link to this you tube documentary about mecaphiles (people who love cars...intimately)...it's pretty interesting, so take some time to check it out...

cg

last night

last night several of us went out and one of the girls had suggested we go to a male strip bar earlier in the week...i was the only one of the group that had been to one (8 years ago and i would die an utterly happy woman if i never went again) and i thought they should at least go and then decide if it is something they enjoy based on actually going...

and it was okay...before we even got to the place we went out for dinner (which was great they were telling people it was a 30 min wait, but when we got up there the guy talked to his manager and we were seated immediately...we didnt ask, he just did it on his own, the waiter was awesome and we had fun) and then to an indoor amusement place...i got my ankle run over while i was standing at the bar to get a drink by a physically/mentally disabled person's mobile unit (fucking hurt like HELL), took FOREVER to get a drink but then things got better and we all had fun...

the strip bar was...okay...if you've never been, those places can be really, really invasive...they were offering body jell-o shots and one girl said yes, and another girl said no several times...the guy straddled her anyhow (yeah, and he TOTALLY forced her to rub her hands over his back and ass not to mention LICKING the whipped cream off his abdomen)...ironically, both women who had the body shots were married...one of them her husband wouldnt have cared and actually had given her money so she could get a lap dance and then some...the other one...well, let's say just as much as she enjoyed it all...she will NOT be telling her husband about all the "fun" she had...he knew she was going, but she will likely leave out a few parts to her story last night...

we ended up at this nice little bar that was just the sort of place i like...from strong drinks to diverse people, poison girl is a place i will def go to again...if i loved closer i'd haunt this place more often...

cg

virtual hedonism

one of the more appealing aspects of virtual/cyber hedonism is the mind fuck more and more crave...there is only you and whatever illuminates from within the caverns of our minds...we become so enraptured by placing ourselves at the epicenter of this crazy world we create...things revolve around us...even though they dont...but we buy into this illusion that, for a while, we are unique and special and that others want us or want to be like us...

it becomes less about seeking out the company of others than it does seeking out the adoration of others...and we revel in this "adoration"...it is addicting at times....and repulsive at times...

we want the pleasure to resonate within our minds...we saturate ourselves in thoughts luxurious and rich...everyone can be shiny and new (why be you when you can be new?)...through these mental images we roll around in, we begin to create a new vision of how we see ourselves through others' eyes...the world becomes suddenly smaller...and there we sit upon our little thrones, ruling this realm with sarcasm, wit, and our ever-evolving persona...

we are immersed in this bling-encrusted place that cannot be touched, smelled, heard, or tasted...it can only be seen through the eyes that look no longer outward at the world and all its people...but rather inward at the one that matters most now...

cg

visitors, masturbation, and more

there has been a recent spike in readers over the last couple of weeks...the things people search for and how they find me...it is pretty interesting...here are some of the searches that led people to my blog...

"dental dam"

"porn in the barn" (???)

"sexy nurse"

"sexy tales"

"masturbation"

"penis"

"girls who lick balls"

"horny girls"

"finger fuckers"

also, a lot of new visitors come here from two places: facts and friction and mrs kelly's ...i wonder why those two place yield the most visitors...anyhow, pay them a visit and take a look around their blogs!...

damn, i wanted to get off so bad today it was ridiculous...i went to the bathroom at one point to see if i could get some release and just when i was getting going in walks another person...fuck!...what the hell??...i wanted to stamp my foot down and throw a tantrum...instead i removed my fingers from between my legs and went about my usual business...i'm still feeling the need for release, but i am so friggin tired that i dont have the energy...

thanks to all of you who've sent in questions for my "ask a curious girl" post(s) that i will do in a month or so...you still have a couple of weeks or so to get your questions in to me via email, so if you havent already, roll your fingers over your keyboard and shoot them over this way!...

twitter experiences...it could be interesting...i honestly wonder how people get anything done though when you are checking emails, checking in on blogs, twittering, texting, calling, reading news/gossip...damn...all that could easily take up at least a couple of hours...

all this virtual hedonism...because that's what it is in the end...

cg