update and a funny i came across

okay, so update on the last few months...i've been hibernating...i dont know how those of you who live where it snows all the time can handle that lingering cold weather...i used to think "oh, how fun!"...yeah...well, that was before the warm temperatures took a lickin' and ran away from mid nov to now...i know, i know, i am just whining, but this texas flower just ain't used to it none!...

someone i've known for a long time recently told me some interesting stuff...if you are reading this, dont get mad, just know that no one on here knows who you you are (let's hope!)...

first - we started up communications again last spring...

second - he has attempted self-euthanasia (my own term for it) twice in about 4 or 6 weeks

third - he told me two days ago that: a) when we started up communications again he was MARRIED (still is) b) he has a child he NEVER told me about

he said he never told me because he was afraid he would lose me...hmm...but you were married with a baby on the way...that would have been nice information to know...granted, he says they were unhappy, but still...

i told him that he needs to shift his fixation off of me and onto himself and his child (he is in process of divorce)...

i am not angry...i am super-surprised...but,like i told him, in a way i am not...i always knew he wasnt telling me everything...things centered around his depression and me to the point that i felt a lot of guilt when he would tell me about his s-e attempts...primarily because of the "i wanted something and i know i cant have it" (me)...

now i totally understand that it really has nothing to do with me (which i knew inside) but with the drama of being married, having a child, not being with that child (i wont go into that here), and the complications that result when you try to take your life twice and have the realities of life to go back to...the problems do not go away...

i do not know if he wants to help himself tho...i think, in a sense, it is easier to not face the realities, let them overwhelm him...he sees life as insurmountable...something to fall away from...the depression and other issues do not help, and yes, he is seeking medical help for all of that...

a friend of mine has suggested that i cut off total communication from him...that i cannot and should not help him...i see his point...

is it terrible that listening to his plight made me look at my own life and totally put things into perspective...nothing i have ever experienced has ever ever come remotely close to all of that...the most struggle was with EHB...i havent heard from her nor do i care to...what galls me is that in many ways i am very much like her...family!

oh!...also, here was a little funny i got from sage's blog...

LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT.

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED..

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.




IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET

* A JOB,
* A DRIVERS LICENSE,
* SOCIAL SECURITY CARD,
* WELFARE,
* FOOD STAMPS,
* CREDIT CARDS,
* SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
* FREE EDUCATION,
* FREE HEALTH CARE,
* A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
* BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
* THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRYS FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DONT GET ENOUGH RESPECT
* AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.




I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION!

toodles!

cg

surely you were meant to listen to this song

i've been a fan of trixie whitley for a while now and this latest collab effort is just amazing....supposedly the link is good for only 30 days...go listen...

cg

i want to fall in love with you...

she said...i want to love you like no one ever has or ever will...with no expectations...no derision...just warmth of heart and joy of spirit...

i want you to feel like you are capable of everything and anything you set out to try...and i want you to take my hand when you fall and feel like failure is all around...i want to care for you because you deserve it...because you are special to me, she said...

i want to feel the joy in your heart when you finally finish a challenging task...i want to feel your laugh deep inside my soul....i want to know you...and never let go...but never hold on...

this is what she said to me when i looked in the mirror this morning...

why must we feel guilty for wanting to love ourselves deeply and without fear...we forget that we are our very own best friends...when others chastise us for being who we are we apologize and make excuses...and even if they are always honest excuses...having to make them reduces our self-worth a little more each time...

we forget that we never have to apologize to ourselves...

it's been a long cold winter...even down here in texas...and yet i can feel the promise of renewal in the air...i can smell the earth turning and churning as new growth begins...

perhaps it's time for a little self-growth...

cg