Sunday, January 18, 2009

power to change

i had another post in mind regarding the results of the poll and other events this weekend, and i still intend to, but first i wanted to comment on a few things...this post could perhaps go in my other blog...oh, well, here is where it shall remain!...

i have a few conversations in my head (hey, the one person who wont talk back! lol) and with others about regrets, wishes, dreams, decisions, and personal history...

when i notice themes occurring repeatedly in a relatively short period of time, i do my best to pay attention and analyze those themes...without dragging it out too long here is a jackson pollack of phrases thrown my way from several sources...one is from a recent movie, see if you can spot it ;)

"i just dont want to be a part of something that has to do with lying"

"i dont believe in regrets because then that means that i didnt learn anything"

"how do you wake up one day and wonder where you got lost?"

"the past belongs to us, and we can change it"

"i dont like living in fear of another person's weaknesses"

"i'm not proud of everything in my life, but one thing i can say is that i tried"

"i wont wait forever, once that door closes, it stays closed"

"you can stay huddled in your safe corner forever, or take a leap of faith"

all of the above statements, with the exception of one, came from other people regarding various issues...but the common theme was about choices we make or dont make...

what those statements tell me is that the our past, present, and future is not a simple shape with four perfect sides and equal corners...it begins shapeless and through a series of choices (not making a choice is a choice) it takes form...one day we realize that we either dont like what we see or are surprised at the beauty of it...when we are not happy with it we cant always see an easy "fix"...it took years down that path to get to the middle of nowhere...and the rising sun makes it hard to see the greyhound bus waiting at the end of the road....

others see it and become frustrated when we do not...they wave their arms and shout to us, but we are so encumbered by our realizations, that we are not able to see and hear...they are disgusted with us...they resent us and find us lacking or weak...

finding the power inside of ourselves to change is not always easy...for some, we can find a switch and click! we are on a different road...but we are each of us different...

i have shared my growing sexuality on this blog...i have learned about myself and others...i have learned that i am much more open-minded than i would ever have realized...i have made poor choices as well...and that's okay...making poor choices means that i did, for a moment at least, step out of that safe corner and took a leap of faith...i think i will gradually take more leaps...change is never the volatile, volcanic eruption that we see...it is a series of smaller events that lead to what we label "the change"...

what led most of you to blogging here...just curious, i suppose...sometimes the reasons we start something is different from the reasons we continue to do them...

cg

7 curious people say...:

petitemort said...

Taking your last question first, Nimue and I wanted to share the story of our love anonymously, as we must given our circumstances. We find our story compelling in its beauty, and we are delighted it seems to have struck a chord with you and our other readers.

It's easy to keep doing the same thing, day after day, year after year. Change requires thought, a weighing of risks, and yes, in many cases, a leap of faith. And not every change will give you the results you expect or hope for. But not changing clearly won't deliver those results.

comfydildo said...

I got started because I was inspired to write about one of my sexual encounters. I shared it with darling. He thought it would be great to share it online. I wasn't sure about a venue for that. Then the next time we had sex, he tormented me until I swore I'd do anything for his cock inside me. The anything I ended up agreeing to was starting a blog to write about the sex we had. I've been here ever since I turned 18.


PS Your words have a way of needling me into thinking about things in a different way, whether I end up thinking about what you wanted me to is another story entirely...

wingnut said...

who says those kind of things?

wingnut said...

Oh, and the movie quote is "the past belongs to us, and we can change it".

comfydildo said...

Wingnut, you really need to reconsider the company you keep if you don't talk to people who say such things. We intellectuals aren't as scary as everyone thinks we are.

mnwhr said...

It is interesting to view folks thoughts on change and taking control of your own destiny. I started blogging becasue it was cheaper than a therapist

Aneris said...

CG, you know I am self-absorbed and needed an even bigger mirror, to better aid my gazing at my glory.

Okay, okay...I also had a hot and nutty affair with a guy and I needed to write about how it was tearing me to bits. I wrote it and told him to read, so he could see past my physical form into my head.

The written word contains worlds that the mouth cannot create.

Back to loving me and all that I do...