confused

before i begin this post, i wanted to share a big "thank you" to those of you who have been so supportive of me and my curiosities...some of you have been following my blog for a long time, others more recently...but thank you! (you guys know who you are :)

anyhow, two things happened tonight that kinda sorta inflicted a little self-doubt...someone said that i am too intimidating because i am aroused often...too horny, he said...

wow...really?...i never thought of myself as being so horny that i am that overwhelming...i mean, yes, there are times when i can orgasm a lot and often...and other times not so much...like merlin said about the cycles of women and sexual arousal...

i will admit that i was just a tiny bit embarrassed...dont ask why, it was just a quick reaction...i have never acted like i was about to just throw him down and force-fuck him...he is a lot bigger than i am, so i dont know where he would think that...

then, not 30 minutes after that i am talking to a friend...he knows about some of my recent experiences that i've posted on here and he flat out said he didnt like it...he said "i hope you go through this phase quickly"...then he called me a slut, to which i replied, thank you...he laughed it off but i was still bothered...not by the fact that he called me a slut, but the tone and disgust i could hear in his voice...

he asked later if i was mad...and i said no, not mad, disappointed...he asked why didnt i argue back or disagree...what would be the point?...he has his opinions and i will not try to sway him...i think it bothered me because he is a good friend and i would have expected something more...

i explained that my sexual curiosities are my own and have nothing to do with him...he agreed and i could tell he was unaware he had let me down...as a friend, i dont expect him to agree with me and to jump for joy over every decision i make...but they are mine to make, good, bad, or indifferent, and the judgment that he saw fit to pass was hurtful because he is a friend...

he knows i am disappointed...i am confused and hurt to a degree...perhaps it is the feeling of being "naked" and open...i try really really hard not to judge others...i dont know the ins and outs of the lives they lead...im not perfect, i miss the mark at times...and i am okay with that...

i just have to remember that the world wont accept me the way i am...at least not all of me...which is why i am thankful that i do have such a good support here...

i hope you guys know how much i enjoy having you around to tease, chat, and engage in meaningless, er, meaningful conversation...

thank you.

cg