the dating pool - can you be my side chick?

i knew we would hit if off just fine because our texts and phone calls had such amazing energy...we met within 3 days of "meeting" online...he lived fairly close to me so setting up a time/place to meet was easy...from the first moment it was one of those clicks where you want to just skip the dinner and go right the kissing and making out part...

he came over on the second date...we played games (non-sexual, you pervs!) and talked and drank a little..the sexual tension was thick...heavy...it hung in the air between us...i kept waiting for him to make the first move...just reach out and kiss me, dammit!...he told me i was this mixture of innocence and sensual energy that was irresistible...well, then hurry the hell up and kiss me!...

the minute our lips locked we just couldn't stop...it had been a few months since i had any kind of action so the kissing was like water to the dry earth...lips...tongues...hands...his hands on my breasts....mouth on my nipples...licking, teasing, biting...

he leaned back and laughed...wow...you are a really really good kisser...

then he giggled...and covered his mouth while he was giggling...he honestly looked like a little kid in that moment...

the sexual energy moving through my body came to a screeching halt...

giggled...this guy is in his 30s...clearly very sexual...he told me that my kissing was intimidating...um...how so??...he just kept GIGGLING and said...it just is, i feel like i couldn't kiss you like you need to be kissed...

wtf...i just stared at him...dumbfounded...what the hell do you even say to that??...one minute my body was humming with sexual energy, wetness flooding my panties...the next...nada...

now i get we had been drinking...but i had one drink...i don't even know what he had...it was some months back...but the giggling thing, i'm not gonna lie...that was weird...

some intuition told me this wouldn't work...but surely the making out could go on?...maybe?...we tried again but i just couldn't get as into it...thankfully, he didn't seem to notice...

a few minutes later he was getting ready to leave...asking me to come over the next day...i'll cook for you...i'm a great cook...

sure, i said...i mean, we did get along and i didn't have anyone else on the radar...why not?...

promise? he asked...sure...

the next day...i didn't hear from him...i texted him a couple of times...i am NOT the type of woman to keep reaching out if i am not getting anything back from a man...i wont send message after message...where are you? are you there? did i do something wrong?...if a man doesn't respond after one or two messages within a day or so...he's not that into you...or he is and you're just his stress reliever for the time being..and i get that...so i usually take the hint, delete the number and move on down the road...

that evening he asked if he could talk to me...um...sure...nutshell: so my ex came by and we were fighting and yelling and she got evicted from her place and no one else will take her in so she will be staying with me, so unfortunately, i can't see you anymore...i'm really not happy about this because i really like you...

but we can still text and stuff...just not with my phone, we can use a messaging service because she checks my phone all the time, she's kinda crazy...but i'm still really into you...

hold up...really??...no.

no and no...i'm not side chick...and if she's crazy i sure as hell don't want to be remotely connected with him for sure...why you would want to be with someone who yells at you is beyond me...i knew when he giggled something was off!

stay tuned for the next dating pool story!

;)

cg

Long Absence

i haven't blogged in forever it seems...years, based on my last entry... i wasn't sure if i wanted to continue blogging and i was so busy with work and personal things (nothing bad, just life got busy) that i didn't blog...

i've involved myself recently with someone much more dominant and aggressive (sexually) than i have ever experienced...it's been very different than anything i've ever experienced...i've never been too interested in men than wanted to dominate me sexually...hello, you can't control me or make me do anything i don't want to do so don't bother trying that crap with me.

but his approach left me virtually unguarded...

brief conversations, innocuous topics...slow, slow, slow almost plodding pace during the "getting to know you" know...later, i would realize i was revealing much more about myself than he was about himself...normally, i can get a man to talk and talk and talk about himself...not this one...not that he has anything to hide...he is extremely open...but it's an openness that is bits here and there and always leaves me wanting to know more...normally, i am very direct when i cannot ascertain a man's interest...sometimes i get the "you're kind of intimidating" response...but from the very beginning, some weird instinct has made me pull back on that part...it doesn't feel like i am holding back from being myself...just feels like what i need to do at that moment...

i'm pretty independent...i don't need a man to drown me with attention...if a man pulls his attention away then i wave and move on...but i really really want this man's attention...in a "pay attention and touch me" kind of way...

i honestly don't know what he wants...something casual?...something more long term?...he's made a couple of comments that have me thinking he is looking for something longer term, but i genuinely don't know...

the other night...he wanted to meet me at his house...for a spanking...but i've never been there and i'm very hesitant...he senses my hesitancy...so he tells me to meet him some place, quickly, just throw on some clothes and meet for a kiss...

i'm instantly wet at the thought...i get up out of bed...it's not quite 11pm...i look in the mirror...my hair is a disheveled mess...no makeup...hurry, he says...something loose...loose??...what does that even mean?...as in not jeans??...i throw on a skirt and top...add some lip balm and blush just so I don't look too ghastly...

i'm headed out, i text...

he responds with a smiley face...

i feel a gush of wetness...i had gone to the bathroom before I left...wiped the wetness away...more came in its place...within minutes we meet in a parking lot...he walks up behind my car, startling me...he stands there, tall and full of male energy...i babble something about him startling me and laugh somewhat nervously...i barely exit the car when he pulls me up against him, his arms around me and presses his mouth against mine...i dont even have a moment to pause or think or respond...it is pure reaction...his arms are coiled around me tightly, pulling me closer...he leans back against my car and i go along with him...then the kiss becomes harder, more tongue...his hands grab and squeeze and spank my bottom...i was vaguely aware that we were doing this in a parking lot...that is still open and has cars...but it's also somewhat dimly lit...it's later at night...

i pull back...and the grin on his face...was so full of pleasure at my clearly stunned reaction...

i have dated men that were strong and dominant...but clearly nothing like this before...this powerful energy that seemed to just emanate and vibrate all around him...

i suggest we should get in my car where at least it's more private...the windows are tinted and the exterior lights are off...inside he reached for me almost immediately...hard, firm, fast...i didn't think i was capable of whimpering the way i did when he reached inside my bra and squeezed my nipple...hard...harder than i have ever felt...i tried to pull back...he held me close against him and nestled my head against his chest...whispering in my ear...

you can take it...you can do it...his voice deep and soft in my ear...

i press against him, almost as if that would give me the strength i needed to push through the intense sensation...almost as quickly as the pain started it subsided as he released my nipple...his hand stroking my hair softly...

good girl, he whispered...

he reached down between my legs...pushed up my skirt...i knew the wetness would be felt through my panties...i tensed for a few seconds...he slid a finger inside...we both heard the soft sucking sounds of his finger sliding in and out...he took out his finger and smelled me, tasting me on his finger...before sliding it inside my mouth...i felt drunk with sensation...everything was fast...slow...intense...deliberate...

he shifted between being aggressive and gentle...it was overwhelming to me...the soft touches on my arms, neck, breasts...the firm, painful touches on my nipples...pushing my head down on his cock...both of us cumming...me at least three times...after each orgasm, he'd pull me close...feeling my orgasm as it exploded through my body...

are you sure you don't want to come over? he asks with a grin...no sex this time, just more spanking and more kissing, his eyes smiled down on me...(you have no idea what a foot difference in height is like until you are standing right up next to that person)...i'm sure, i smile...

before he leaves...he pulls me hard against him...grabbing my hair...my mouth covered by his...his hand firmly squeezing and spanking my ass...

tongue like a wet noodle

that's what it felt like...a wet noodle slapping against my girly bits...and he bit my clit...about five seconds into it...i actually said, "dude, this isnt working, i'm not aroused anymore"...since when does oral sex not arouse??...in a strange way it was comedic...he told me to relax...that i needed to just enjoy it...

enjoy what exactly...i asked him when was the last time he had done this and he said it had been awhile...clearly...it had been a while for me as well, but damn, i KNOW how it is supposed to feel and that was not it...

he tried, oh how he tried...but to no avail...i finally sat up on my elbows and said, "when was the last time you had to seduce and woo a woman"...the crickets chirping in the background gave me the answer i needed...

let me show you, i said...then i kissed his neck...soft wet kisses...i kissed his jawline..around his lips...teasing his lips with my tongue...his nipples, his stomach, caressing his balls...it went on...he was moaning and jerking his hips...i asked him how he felt... "fucking fantastic" he said...

then i sat back and said EXACTLY how YOU are supposed to make ME feel...fucking fantastic...

do i really need to draw a map?...evidently!

cg

i've been wanting to ask you something...

he said to me the other day..."i wanted to ask you if you would be my girlfriend"...i closed my eyes thinking, how could i do this to this genuinely nice person...i am talking about that moment when you know someone feels something for you that you do not share...when you say to yourself "i have to be honest with this person and tell him what you are is sweet, kind, and gentle - what i am is tired, jaded, and apathetic"...

and i tried...kinda...

i've heard men say that women only want assholes or jerks...maybe that is true for some women...while i cannot speak for all women, i will say that guys who are "too" nice are like a sandwich without any meat...veggie only style sandwiches are completely overrated, btw...

when a guy makes me feel like a pervy old woman (and i'm not old, just in my thirties, thankyouverymuch!) that is preying on an innocent schoolboy, something is wrong (or is it right? i can never keep that straight!)

in the end, i did say i appreciated his thinking of me but i just am not in a position to be with anyone right now...there is some truth to that, work has had me super busy...

i've been masturbating like crazy lately...got a new toy, lelo soraya and i totally love it!...i've ejaculated several times with this thing...the kind of orgasms that leave you smiling and grinning like a fool...it's such a pretty pretty toy...i still have yet to fully explore this thing, but i just get all giddy thinking about it...i kept saying i would buy a jimmyjane but i ended up with lelo...so glad i did, but i do have my eye on two or three others...

oh, looks like it's all charged up and ready to go...what? what's that you say? it's time to play? oh, well, if you insist....

that's soraya, calling my name...;)

cg

EDIT: btw, i just saw the CUTEST leaf vibes - i am so getting one of those...

good dick

i was flipping through movies and came across one called "good dick"...it isnt a new film, it's a few years old...but the title struck me and so i checked out the trailer and decided what the hell..

in a nutshell: video store clerk falls for this girl that rents soft core porn on an almost daily basis...he follows her home and proceeds to seduce her in the strangest way...she insults him, calls him names, is demanding and rude...and yet, he seems to understand that this part has to happen...as if he knows/recognizes this is a hurdle she must overcome, they must overcome...

what struck me about the movie is how i could identify with her...i am not nearly so anti-social!...yet, that sense of distance, that aloof nature, that biting attitude and distrust...it would be easy to romanticize the concept of some guy in it for the long haul, willing to accept whatever the woman has to offer - even if it means he gets nothing, all for the purpose of seeing the rainbow that will be revealed after the storm...

you dont see men willing to brave that storm too often...women do...they brave that storm...the wind, the hail, the downpour of rain pelting like little pebble....objectively, i could ponder the thought that men perhaps have more sense of self-worth than women...or is it pride?...

in the film, the clerk accepted his object of affection scars, wounds, baggage and all...he did not seem too concerned if she accepted him for himself...he presented himself to her....for her...he pushed a little here and there and if she pushed back he stepped away...

my question after watching this film: how realistic is this? would a man truly put aside his needs, wants, and self in favor of helping a woman he barely knows to see and know her value to him?...

it wasnt a super powerful movie nor was it a super sexually thrilling film considering how much sex figures into the movie...but i liked it, i could feel a little of that distance (not for the same reasons, tho) and understand how even when you push everyone away...a little part of you wishes that one day, someone would push back...and not just walk away....

cg

VOD and toys

i could say that i got busy and forgot about the VOD (verb of the day) but honestly, i could not think of where to start...should i choose a verb the night before? should i choose it that morning? in the middle of the day?...so i decided i would choose it the day/night before...

the first VOD was clean...i cleaned, did laundry, and organized (life has been hectic and busy so my clean laundry has been sitting in two large baskets pleading with me to fold, iron, and put away...but i'm nobody's bitch! (not even my laundry!)...

tomorrow's VOD is inspire...i am going to see how many people i can inspire with my words/actions...i should keep a little journal...i want to be a muse...i want to be a catalyst of sorts...i want to help channel the creative energy that is spinning and humming just beneath the surface of others...

in other not-so-news, i have been toying with the thought of a new toy purchase...i have it narrowed down to two or three...i should bite the bullet (no pun intended!) and just get all three...some days i think that if i had a choice between a toy and man, i would take the toy!

i have had some interesting sexual connections lately (nothing physical at this time)...one involves a daddy/little girl fantasy play that just had me rockin' and reelin'...the arousal factor shot through the roof and the orgasms were amazing...i never thought that would have such an effect...

cg

the passage of time

time has a way of slipping away at times...as a little girl, the passage of time was something i could not fully comprehend...i knew that birthdays and holidays crept by once a year and that bedtime came too soon...it's been over a year since my last post (thank you so much for those of you that have continued to email me every so often - i dont check my email frequently enough, but thanks for emailing - it means a lot to me!)...in that year, i kept saying "i need to post! i need to check out my favorite bloggers/blogs!"...but, time has a way of slipping by...

over the past year:

1. i met some really interesting people

2. i met some other people that i hope to never meet again!

3. i made some bad choices

4. i made some better choices, too!

5. i took chances - that i would normally have never taken, but at least i can say i did

6. i learned that taking chances is really a good way to grow and can make you laugh at yourself when you wonder "what the hell was i thinking??"

7. sometimes, i am just not a very nice person

other than that, life is pretty peachy...well, as long as i let that peach set in a paper bag for a couple of days, should be alright!

men are just such fascinating creatures...they have continued to drive my crazy - and not in that really hot, sexy, fabulous way!...nope, they just do and say and behave so strangely...a friend of mine consistently says "you have the WORST taste in men!"...well, i thought they tasted just fine, thankyouverymuch!! ;)

oh, i know as women we can make life hell at times for you guys...but i marvel at how men can be so utterly, adorably, sensuously charming and have the ability to say things like "you intrigue me" "i am so in like with you right now" "i've never been so into a woman like i am into you"...

do you get those from books or something?...i'm not "man-hating", nope, just curious...why say those things?...do you really think we believe those?...i would prefer not to become a cynical, eye-rolling disbeliever of all things men say/do...but, alas!...i fear it is nearly too late!

*falls to a swoon*

anyhow, i decided to do something fun and silly to make the passage of this next year go by with a bit of humor and a bit of no-regret...i read somewhere about life being a verb (sounds like a damn progressive, self-help, helpmenotbesowhinyandunhappywithmylife kind of thing)..

so, i'm going to pick a random verb and try to "do" that verb three times in one day...hell, i thought it would be kinda fun and random to do...in fact, i didnt know i was going to do it until i started typing and the idea popped into my head...fancy that!...

any verb suggestions?...

i think i might just cut them up into index cards or papers or some shit like that and randomly draw one out so i know what my focus verb will be...

i start tomorrow...the verb...

procrastinate..

;)

cg