twisted

the bed dips as i feel you slide under the covers next to me...i hear the deep intake of breath as you smell my hair, spread out over the pillow in a dark wavy fan...your fingers tickle the damp strands, twining them about...smile curving my lips i pull your hand around me, under my breasts...you whisper in my ear, electric shivers tickle my senses, flutters inside...

your lips touch my neck...my ears...more soft whispers...turning around, my eyes delve into the dark intoxication of your gaze...long moments...the tension full and heavy...

lips, soft and full...pressing together, setting spark to flame...the taste of my lover's mouth sweet...honeyed tongues tangle...twisted, we become..

hands gliding over bodies...fingers seeking...searching...squeezing...caressing... stroking...touching...memorizing the lines, hills, planes, valleys...sheets wrapped about our bodies...

hardness meets with softness...mist of moisture...bodies joining...wetness mingles with heat...deep thrusts...throbbing and aching...hips rising...slow fucking...long and deep...shallow breathing...

riding the waves of the ocean as the carry us lovingly back to shore...bodies tangled on the wet sand of the afterglow of love making...

cg

drowsy arousal

arousal has...many forms...it comes at any time...one of my favorites is that slow delicious arousal you get when you are half asleep...my favorite is at night...the lights are low...the soft whir of the ceiling fan lulls me into a trance...the tender pulsing between my legs stirs my almost-slumber...my fingers creep down beneath the sheet, slipping into warm wetness...half-aware, i shift my legs to slip a finger deep inside...the heat curls around my finger, the wetness making a soft slick sound...i can smell my own arousal...purely for pleasure i find my clit, firm and sensitive...gently stroking it i shudder with each pass...my head turns to the side...i can smell my hair, still damp from my earlier shower...the clean smell and the smell from my arousal stimulates me further...faster i stroke myself...nothing else matters but the sexual release as i clench my pussy around my fingers...shallow breathing...body relaxes...deep breathing...i roll onto my stomach, rubbing my bare lips on the cool sheet...closing my eyes...i drift into sleep...

cg

i wanna be a popstar

i know, this isnt new...but it's new to me!

cg

silence

S has been a friend of mine for a very long time...he loves women...a LOT...and he is good at loving them...from the beginning i drew the line...casual friendship, no sex...it has been three years...soon he will make his third trek into war..twice to iraq, now to afghanistan...for the first time he is terrified that he will not make it back...

i got a phone call from him the other day (he is in training atm)...between the ranting and raving about the stresses of going out again he admits something...he has very strong feelings for me and wants to have some sort of commitment before he leaves...when he returns...he wants something serious...serious enough to ask if i would have his children...

whoa whoa...wtf??...in the entire time i have known this guy he has never made any advances in this direction...the occasional flirting, but never this..."i have never felt so comfortable in another person's company...you accept me totally even with all my flaws"...

silence...i have nothing to say...what can i say...more silence...i hear the soft hiss of the match lighting and the deep intake of breath as he lights his cigarette...more silence...

this is the same guy who picked up a waittress from a strip club about a month or two ago...when i brought that up he said..."girls like that are the girls you fuck...that is not the woman i want to raise children with"...

i wasnt excited or thrilled or flattered...just...silent...quiet...what do i say to this brave young man who is heading off to fight in a war he never started, doesnt believe in, but believes in his country...how do i tell him that the hopes he has for the two of us are floating higher than the clouds and will never settle on the ground...how can i tell him when i can hear the panic in his voice as he bares his soul to me...how can i be his friend when he wants so much more...

the shiver in his voice tells me that he his full of nerves...this playboy wants something that i cannot give...i dare not even tell him that i have met someone...

instead, i tell him to be strong...that the last thing he needs is to worry about me...because this had never before come up in our conversations i am blindsided...and he knows it...he is gracious and kind...he knows...the swagger comes back in his voice, a little more distant...i can only wish him well..

he really doesnt think he is coming back this time...

cg

pretty, pretty

pretty, pretty little things
i found once
in a box
a picture of you
and me
holding hands
the flowers smelled
that day
like sunshine and
rainbows

pretty, pretty little things
i found once
in a drawer
the locket from you
it was
gold and silver
the chain broke
one day
like promises and
hearts

pretty, pretty little things
i found once
in a chest
the dress i wore
for you
that day we kissed
the hem torn
yellowed
faded like grass
dry

pretty pretty little things
i found once
in my heart
the heart i gave
to you
close you kept it
until the day
you set
it in the water
empty water

cg

i am moved

the gentle swell of the water rises and falls...the salty air licks my face as my hair riots about...the pushing and pulling of the wind...

i am moved...

the sound of your voice in whispers and moans...the rough and smooth textures of your skin as you glide your body next to mine...the heady scent of you fills my senses...

i am moved...

the charged warmth of your body as it barely touches mine...the wet tongue like liquid velvet on my lips...the tremors that shake me to my core...

i am moved...

cg

penetrative

i wonder how someone can remove every layer of facade as easily as if the layers were made of thin clouds of gossamer...my fingers fumble as i peel the petals back, thorns sticking me...blood drips...but someone who hardly knows...can glide past the sharp and tangled vines...eyes on the secret golden chamber...nothing deters...smooth, comforting...a focus of the spectrum of colors...a shimmer of light and sparkle to push past the barrier that few have dared to cross...

the weight of the world effortlessly slips away revealing something raw, tender, fragile...thinnest of skins remains...translucent...

warm and enveloping a new hope fills the void...beyond the darkness...a magical world only you can see...

cg

i'm fucking ben affleck

jimmy kimmel had his revenge on girlfriend sarah silverman's video "i'm fucking matt damon"...his answer completely topped hers...a long list of celebs guest starred in his video: robin williams, brad pitt, huey lewis, cameron diaz and more contributed to this hilarious video...okay, so not everyone enjoys this stuff...guess what?...go fuck yourself...because "i'm fucking matt damon" ...and ben affleck...

cg

this isnt burger king

that's what i told this guy, T, who's been chasing after me for quite some time now...his last relationship involved a dom/sub component where she was the sub...um, that is NOT me...and i have made that crystal clear...we were talking this morning over coffee (which i dont drink, tea, please!)...and he wants more, a lot more...but he is way too damn pushy...granted, a woman likes to hear a man say "i want you"...but, damn, when we are talking and the second thing out of your mouth is "i want you, invite me over"...whoa, major turn-off...where's the conversation?...we've talked before, he says...so...uh...does that mean i'm not worthy of more conversation?...woo, me dammit...dont just sit there and tell me to my face that you want to fuck me because you feel a connection...guess what, i am in charge of where the plug goes, and so far it is sitting limp in my hands!...

his problem, i tell him, is that he is in a position of power at his work...the man has three houses...one for his kids, one for his ex, and one for himself...he and his ex alternate staying in the house with the kids so that they dont have to be dragged around every which way...sounds amazing, right?...but then he says the ex doesnt work because he wants her to be there for the kids...too much control for me...

this isnt burger king, this isnt your way right away...i am not some main course that you can complain to management about because it didnt come out on time...then he tells me "but i have been so patient with you"...so then i ask him "define your concept of patience"...

well, how long have i been chasing you?...

oh boy...he doesnt get it...so i tell him "that has nothing to do with patience...that is persistence"...the look on his face...he realized i was right...guys, a woman doesnt want to be pushed so far that she feels she has two options...jump off the cliff and hope that in death she can escape from your nobby little clutches...or pull back her fist and WHAM!...beware...more women fight back with a vengeance than men are willing to admit...

after all this...he tells me..."you're in a mood to fight, i came here in a mood for you"...wtf???...i am not fighting, i am merely pointing out the inconsistencies involved in his ludicrous assumptions of how to pursue a woman...i told him he was making gross assumptions...he said no, you are playing games...you know i want you, i have been patient yet you still refuse me...um...whatever...i told him that he needed to hear the word no more often because i was not his "beck and call-girl"...

grrr...men are so heinous at times i just want to throttle them...damn, time to go take a test...freakin terrific...

cg

30 day sex challenge

hmm..i seem to be on a theme...with articles on sex...oh well

seems this pastor is challenging married couples to have sex for 30 days straight...the purpose?...to learn how to meet the emotional, spiritual, and physical needs of your spouse...

funny...but from what i have gathered from a few friends of mine, that seems to be exactly what is missing from their marriages...the marriage becomes a teeming mess of bills, work, kids, and overall "stuff"...a marriage becomes more of a financial challenge...

there is a song by harry connick jr *sighs*..."drifting"...it's like a relationship over time that has just been allowed to run on auto-pilot...or when you are out in the water and you just let the waves pull you out...drifting...suddenly you are so far from the shore and you wonder...how did i get out here?...i was just over there...the sandy edges seem so thin and distant...the people so small and unimportant...all you can feel is yourself drifting in this vast ocean...nothing around but miles and miles of water...

(here's the article fyi)
http://www.christianpost.com/article/20080222/31294_Pastor_Poses_Sex_Challenge_to_Churchgoers.htm

a new "joy of sex" ?

it appears that a new, "hip" version of "the joy of sex" is going to be released in about six months...i think my parents had that book years ago...it seemed to creak with newness when i found it under a bunch of blankets in a closet...

so what's in this new version? viagra, role play, and toys...sounds good to me!...AND they are going to do a "joy of sex foreplay"...hmmm...curious to see how it turns out...even more curious about the content of the foreplay book...

cg

georgia on my mind

last night was...wow...how can one man say all the right things...and make it sound so effortless...thank god we rarely see one another...we both have busy extra-curricular activities that leave little time for fun and whatnot...we talk, we laugh, we have heated discussions, we have long, heavy silences...a thick fog of quiet swirling between us..."let me come over and give you a massage"...he knows my hands bother me sometimes...but i dont let him...i cant...not sure why...well, i know why...i just cant say it out loud...so instead, i let the silence build until i cant breathe, cant think...just feel...

you would think a guy would just lose his cool dealing with that..but no, he's so patient and just smiles at me when i pull away...what is he smiling for?...what does he know that i dont?...

this quiet, calm confidence is heady..."slow like honey, heavy with mood"...

mmm, that is a great way to describe how i feel...like things are heavy, full, swollen...aching, but with a sweetness of pleasure to come...as if the night is neverending...slow...dark...rich...the steady pulsing between my legs...it soothes me...stimulates me...a slow smile curves across my lips...

after i got home he called to thank me for spending time with him...his voice singing in my ears...he knows i am aroused...he says he can hear it my voice...it has become richer, sultry...

he tells me how he enjoys my arousal and how hard he is...that all he wanted to do was feel the wetness between my legs and taste it...i feel myself shudder..

i come so hard...wave after wave washing over me...sensations rippling over and through me...i feel giddy...i can hear the smile in his voice...he never voices his release...he says he would rather hear my voice as i climax...

why can't i let go...why cant i give in...why does he stick around knowing my hesitation...

cg

my father and georgia

today was my stupid presentation...i really dont mind speaking in front of a group of people, but when the teacher is counting "ums" and "uhs"...well, let's just say i wish that the podium was out in the hallway...hey, i can be very loud..or so i've been told...;)

part of the speech i had to give is about my father...we have never had what you call a typical relationship...i was never afraid to back down, never looked away from his stare, and we could talk and talk til the cows came home..except we dont have cows, never did...

the hard part is that my father passed away in november...after struggling for years with alcoholism, it is ironic that alcohol had nothing to do with his death...

my father was a marine and he fought in the vietnam war...he has never been afraid to talk about it...he speaks of his time in the military with pride...i grew up actually thinking that USMC stood for "uncle sam's misguided children"...i remember staying up late at night with my father because that is when would have the best talks...i was not a daddy's girl...that is my youngest sister...but i will always be my father's daughter in so many ways...

he was stubborn, troubled, funny, loved to listen to loud music all the time (hmm...that must be where i get it from)...he loved to play the guitar...three years in a row i made him thanksgiving dinner...

this past thanksgiving i had no one to prepare it for...i felt like i had no purpose...i lived about four hours away from my father so i didnt see him as often as i could...he would say "you're daddy's a rock star" with the impudent grin of his...it was from him that i learned to love tom petty, lynyrd skynyrd, ac/dc, kiss, janis joplin, heart...i remember sitting with him as a little girl and listening to his albums...our favorite was jim croce...i played it at the wake...

i hurt so much knowing my father will never be able to walk me down the aisle...he will never see me graduate from college, although he was so proud that i decided to go back...this hurt fills my soul...but i cherish this pain because it means that i still feel for the man who drove me crazy but loved us so much...

this may he would have turned 61...but he was the coolest 60-year-old ever...i love that my father was the biggest nonconformist...i love that he said "fuck off" to people who questioned him...i love that he said these words to us: "when a man has sons, he makes plans; but when a man has daughters, he has dreams...and you three girls were my dreams"

in other news...

i will talk to georgia tonight...this guy is so amazing...he is smart smart smart...i am attracted to sexy mind...he is really attracted to me, but i cant...not sure why...we've known each other a while and we have great chemistry...i have always had a hard time letting go...relationships suck...

planned procrastination

i have a presentation due tomorrow...ugh...when i plan "study" time or whatever you want to call it, i invariably squeeze a nice-sized slot for pure procrastination...truth be told, i feel old in all of these classes...(see, kids, this is what happens when you wait ten years to go back and finish college!)

we were paired up for some idiotic assignment where you have to list ten things you like about yourself (whyyyy??) and five things you dont like about yourself (whyyyy??)...and, of course, i was paired with super blonde lindsey...she's super cute and super fun!...anyhow, i made some comment about something from when i was in high school..she said, oh, like you are so much older than me!...now, bitsy is young and happy with the world...why not, she is the cute-central capitol of her world! (to be fair, she is a very sweet girl)...i blinked one of those looong blinks that speaks for itself...i'm 31 i tell her...i reach out to catch her eyes as they pop out of her head...are you sure???...another loooong blink...yes, i am sure...wow, she says, I'm only 19!!...really?..hmm..surprise...when i asked her how old she thought i was she replied....i didnt think you were, like, over 25 or something...

hmmm...like, 25 or something...well, all of a sudden buffy seems like one smart gal!...25 or something lol...

back to the assignment...i asked bubbles, the super happy teacher who is "facilitating your learning" why we list ten good and five bad...get this..."well, cg, it is so that you will be able to see that you have more good qualities than bad"...dot dot dot...silence...and we wonder why the education system is in such shambles...

i find that going back to school at an older age you argue a helluva lot more with your instructors and you give quite a lot less shit about what anyone thinks..case in point, we were discussing the word turgid (some idiot had no idea what it meant) and the teacher asked us to give examples of something that could be described as turgid...no one volunteers...amid the sea of question marks i pipe up...

PENIS!

(enter Clueless) uh, what does turgid have to do with a penis??...not holding back my grin i elaborate...you know how a penis grows and swells and becomes thick and hard? that is a turgid penis...

well, ms instructor was quite unthrilled with my example...bite me...

bet that not one person in that room will forget how to use the word turgid in a sentence...

procrastination time over...bleh...

cg

presidential rally - a cult?

a friend of mine invited me to go to the obama rally tonight...why? i asked...am i even remotely interested in obama?..not really...or hillary for that matter...dont get me wrong, i am glad that there is such a national interest in the democratic candidates because it means people are actually thinking...well, sorta...and participating...

but, i am so not a rally kind of girl...all those people flocking around their messiah kinda gives me the creeps...those who hang on to every word...please...someone else wrote those lines 9 times out of 10...

oh, but you dont understand, my friend tells me, it's OBAMA!!!...wait, did she just squeal??...she sounds more like she is getting ready to go to a cock...er, i mean rock concert...her eyes get all lit up...she goes on and on and tells me why he's the perfect candidate...and in doing so she reminds me a bit of a person in a cult...the glazed eyes, state of euphoria...i told her, well, if they pass around punch - dont drink it!

while i have nothing against obama, he does nothing for me...all words and no action...eh...typical...and hillary...damn...she scares me..like if i were to run into her in a back alley i think she might rape me...or worse...take me home to bill...ewww...

in the meantime, i'll just keep my eyes glued to the net in case roger clemens says that while he saw the hgh, knew what it was, realized the dangers..."i did not have injections of hgh!"

cg

beer for lunch

a friend of mine always tells me about her husband and his lunch hour cocktail...granted, it isnt an everyday occurrence, but what is it about men and the mid-day liquid fortification...

well, today was one of those days for me!...because i work and go to school full time i dont normally have time for that..plus..it feels weird to have a drink in the middle of the day during the work week...i high-tailed it out of work and stopped at some random bar for an ice-cold beer...so cold there were tiny flakes of ice in it...yum!...and with all the suits in the bar, looks like i wasnt the only one in need of quick drink...a quick glance at my watch tells me i have enough time to play before class...need to take the edge off a lil...

i called my friend's husband and told him...he laughed and said, well, hon, next thing you know you'll be finding random men for a quickie on your lunch break as well!...riiiight...

cg

curiosity strikes

so, what makes a girl curious? everything!...i cant help but wonder and go, hmmm...i should google that...the world of google magic puts everything at my fingertips...all the things i ever wanted to know...are ready to be twisted and warped by moi..

i tried my hand at blogging briefly, but i realized something...i was almost afraid i would type something strange and boring...and, to a certain extent, i suppose i did..now that i have done some soul-searching, tea leaf reading, ritual sacrifices...i have decided, i really dont give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about the oddities in my head...so there!

i figured i would introduce myself to the bloggerworld by listing a few curiosities about myself:

1 - i get uber horny right before, during, and after my period
2 - the idea of sex during my period is too strange for me
3 - i have to look at porn nearly everyday, just cause
4 - i LOVE football
5 - have never dated a guy who loved football like i did...wtf???
6 - i ask waaay too many questions
7 - i always ask for iced tea...with a bowl of lemons
8 - not crazy about chocolate...eh
9 - addicted to phone sex
10 - physical relationships never work out - i think i am destined for celibacy..bleh

okay, so maybe they arent interesting curiosities, cut me some slack here!..anyhow, recently i had a conversation with a friend, he is bicurious and a wonderful friend of mine - he has never fulfilled his fantasy, and i doubt he ever will...i never thought the idea of two guys and a girl was all that exciting until he shared it with me...we love to arouse one another with various stories and fantasies...and let me tell you...once we get going, it is HOT...it would be so easy to just be fuck buddies...he is a great guy and a super friend...but...that would be pushing things a bit for us both...sex can complicate things...at least it has been my experience that it can...

so he asked me...why does the idea of two guys not turn you off...hmm...i dont know...part of it is that it is him...part of it is that i have begun to separate the idea of sex as a gay, lesbian, or "straight" idea...sex has to do with two people moving together in a physical way...for some it is sensual, loving and filled with sweet joy...for others it is hot, heady, and raw...for such a small word, sex is something that is so many things...it cannot be limited by narrow interpretations...it is not that "anything goes" but more like "everything goes"...

a sexual relationship is that ...something that must be nurtured so that it may grow...evolve...into something fulfilling...

at least that is my two cents!

cg