contact

a few weeks ago i made mention of a friend of mine, S...he is leaving soon and called me twice...i hesitate to answer because i honestly do not know how to respond...he finally left a message that indicated his distinct irritation with being the instigator of our conversations...

the problem with coming out and telling a person how you feel about them is that the words do not go away...he is hurt and angered by my reaction to his honesty...he has only been friendly and never prone to outbursts...he is having them now...

i do not appreciate drunken phone calls in the middle of the night for the purpose of arguing or pressuring me for intimate conversation when you are obviously angry and bitter...but he is hurting...i have made it clear that i do not return his affections, but the damage is done...

i dont quite know what he expected when he told me how he felt...perhaps that i would welcome him with open arms...i question now whether or not i sent messages or signals that indicated i was receptive to a more emotionally intimate relationship...is this my doing, however unintentional?...honestly, i do not think so...i think his indicative of many men that i have encountered that have a need to be nurtured...but i am not his mother nor do i want to take care of anyone else right now...

harsh as that may sound, it is the reality of the situation and of my life at the moment...

he needs someone who is sweet and will put him in the center of her world...and i am not that person...

i wish i could come up with some sort of lie to tell him that would encourage him to move on yet would not be hurtful...unfortunately, i was never good at that...

cg