first times

if we could go back and change the first time we had sex...would we change anything?...the person?...the place?...not sure what has me thinking about that first time...except perhaps that i have just had a lovely, juicy masturbating session and as i was flipping around for a little porn to peruse, i came across the supposed "first time" between two young lovers...the one thing i will always remember...i never came...he did...twice...he cried the first time...i was like..um, is that it?...well, i didnt exactly say those words but i sure as hell was thinking them even while i was patting/rubbing his back trying to soothe him...

we had been together for about a year...he had always been on the emotional side...we had discussed sex for a while before we actually did anything about it... we were both virgins and he said even if we broke up (i think he could sense my growing lack of interest) he wanted me to be his first...

he started by going down on me...he was pretty good at this, i will give him credit...i remember thinking...i wonder if it will hurt...so, he puts on the condom and then tells me how much he loves me and that he is so happy we are doing this...blah, blah, blah...too much talking...hurry it along now...

right before he enters me, his cock is right on my outer lips when it goes soft lol...he whispered (in a rather high-pitched squeal) "oh no!"...he looks at his soft dick and says "you have to help me, do something!"...for some reason i thought he was talking to his dick...when i didnt say/do anything he looked in my eyes..."do something!"...(evidently he got really nervous and was afraid he would be bad...he was)...so after a few strokes from my hand and a few soft whispers he was good to go again...my last thought was...hmm...i wonder if what they say is true about size...

it was...he was panting and huffing and puffing..."it's in!"...i stupidly asked...are you sure?...lol...he said, cant you feel it?...um, no, dumbass or else i wouldnt have asked...moron...

he tells me he wants to be gentle...so he going really slowly...really...really slowly...i felt him push through my hymen and it hurt...but he never pushed hard enough so it was like a constant bump against it...i said just do it!...

i didnt think he would take that to mean "just ejaculate"...

tears slid down his cheeks...that was so beautiful, he whispers as he looks into my eyes...um...what was beautiful...those 45 seconds of awkwardness?...

did you come, he asks...i wonder if your face can relay the whole dot dot dot thing...no, i told him...so he says, i'll be right back..

20 minutes later he emerges from the bathroom...he is determined to make me come....so heeere we go again...

less than five minutes later he is crying because he "selfishly had an orgasm while you didnt"...whatever...

the whole process was so ridiculous that i dont even think it would be funny to watch...just...awkward or painful...

so if i could go back and change anything...would i?...i dont know...as terrible as it was probably not...at least i can say that i have had really really really bad sex that no one could ever top...sometimes i do wonder if he was secretly gay-waitin-to-happen or just bi-curious-waiting-to-happen...

so there...first times...never what you think they will be...you know...it really was horrible sex...i wonder what's worse...bad sex or no sex...and yes, there is such a thing as BAD sex...

cg