Tuesday, June 17, 2008

online dating form

because i love the hell out of dateable dork i thought i would create an online dating form that she could use to weed out potential dweeboids...

1. Describe your current living arrangements:
a) me, myself, and i
b) two dudes and ginormous television
c) my mom and dad said i could live in the basement so why move?
d) my mom and i are so close she still holds my pecker when i pee

2. Describe your last relationship:
a) that was a great night!
b) my best friend nailed her before i could ask for her number
c) my mom says i am supposed to wait until she finds the right girl for me
d) it was so terrible...she said she loved me...then she broke my heart...i still walk by her place
at night...
e) she and i were like twin galaxies colliding in a pool of perfection...until she fucked my
brother...

3. What do you want in a relationship?
a) whoa...who said anything about a relationship?...i thought this was an NSA site...
b) did you ever watch that movie serendipity?
c) dinner, movies, hanging out on the weekends, nights in...i'm game for anything
d) my future wife would have to accept that my mother and i still share a room...she is my
soul mate...

4. What is your favorite part on a woman's body?
a) do i have to pick just one?
b) i would say her personality, her intelligence, or her sense of humor...i am that sensitive guy
who sees past a woman's body and realizes the true potential for spiritual connection...
c) my mother says i should never look at a woman's body...they are filthy vessels of sin...
d) i like long hair...so i can wrap my arm around it when she is going down on me...

5. How would you describe your fetish(es)?
a) what's a fetish?
b) a little nipple play and blind folding never hurt anyone
c) bring out the clamps and candlewax!
d) bow down to your master, you cunt!

6. What do you think you have to offer that would impress me the most?
a) i have a tongue that is like the energizer bunny...
b) my mother would make sure that we are always tucked in our own separate beds every
night
c) my total acceptance of who you are, not only as a woman, but as a spiritual being...
d) my totally kickass guitar hero skills!

7. We are home in bed in a sweaty sexual exercise session when the power goes off...what do you
do?
a) check with the power company and make sure they got our last payment since i think i sent
it in late
b) who needs power to fuck?
c) call my mother...she always knows what to do in an emergency
d) run around trying to find the candles and flashlights...just call me mr. prepared!

8. When is a good time for the first kiss?
a) on our wedding day, according to mother...
b) once the 'tent' is pitched
c) i would never just take a kiss from a woman...it is a woman's precious gift to give...
d) it would depend on what my astrologer says...


please fill out and return to the lovely dork for her perusal!

;)

cg

6 curious people say...:

thedateabledork said...

LOL!!! : ) cg, how can I ever repay you for being such a delightful matchmaker? Love the Guitar Hero reference (of course) and how all the mama's boys I always run into would never pass this test.

You're such a sweetie - thank you! : )

curiousgirl said...

yeah, i thought you would get a kick out of this!

it's all part of that unwritten "girl code" lol

cg

Lady in red said...

this is fantastic....I wish someone had done this for me

bdenied said...

something about the best friend nailing her got my attention

curiousgirl said...

@lady - dateable dork has always struggled with online dating, or "dumpster diving" as she so cleverly puts it!

@bdenied - why am i not surprised? ;)

cg

thedateabledork said...

LOL!!! I'll have to do more posts about friends "nailing me." : )