today a friend of mine is having her bachelorette party...and, as per usual, instead of going, i have avoided this meeting and sent a card with spending money for a few drinks on me...we have been friends for years, but had had a disagreement that led to a major strain on our relationship...
i went to see her about a little over a year ago and things seemed okay...but i knew they would never be the same...things happen sometimes and i tend to let go a little quickly...attachment issues i suppose...
anyhow, she is now getting married soon and i received an invite to her bach party...i remember how we used to talk about how i would plan it for her...girls being girls...because we have not spoken really since a year ago, i felt awkward going...i do not know her friends and although she said she really wanted me to be there "for old times' sake"...i made other plans and told her that unfortunately i could not attend...
she received the card and money and thanked me...she was surprised i would do something like that, but she admitted that it did seem like something i would do...
i am also not going to the wedding...i would feel awkward there as well, but i also have something major at work that day (she is getting married on a friday about an hour or so away from where i am and there are conflicting scheduling glitches)...
we used to have one helluva time...when i think about it, i realize i just want to remember those times and not have any awkward moments to mar them...
i have also heard from a few other people from years and years ago...and heaven help me if they want to "get together and hang out!"...they are all married with children ages five and under...what the hell would we have to talk about??...they all do the terribly polite societal duties and volunteer at all the popular organizations...then they have ladies' lunches and set up play dates for their children so that their children can all be friends like we were...
"are you married??"
"do you have any children??"
"let's have lunch!!"
and yes...they say it just like that...
then last night...
i get a phone call from a very horny soldier boy..."let me come over"...does he know any other lines??...
i have company, i tell him (okay, so the company is a five year old i am watching...lol)...he proceeds to have a series of orgasms (he'd been jerking off for a while, and wanted to call me when he came...how..sweet??)
"do i make you wet, baby?"...yeah, totally...didnt i tell you i dont like to be called "baby"??...
then...
he cries...
how he hasnt had sex in so long and cant find any women that want to fuck him...now this surprises me...he is pretty good looking and dresses very well...and he showers generous gifts on women...
but war does strange things to people...it changes them...and he knows it...three tours have turned him into a combination of a old-young man...he feels old...older than his peers by years...and yet...he is emotionally still in his early twenties/late teens...yet on the verge of turning 30...
we talked for a long time...he refuses to take the meds that were prescribed to him...i just do not have it in me to be supportive as a friend...but i also dont have the heart to tell him that...he knows that i consider him as a friend only, and he said he asks for no more than that...
breathe deeply...in and out...breathe deeply...
cg
Saturday, May 16, 2009
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7 curious people say...:
I feel like cursing...God Damn, Son-of-a Bitch, Jesus Christ, what the Fuck...
You lack a sense of outward pride. You need to let these folks know how you feel and quit posting on this blog as a way of escaping your inability to deal with anything. You think you are dealing, by writing, but you have not dealt with anything. Let go already. Give up your sense of what you think is reality and accept the truth.
Yes, I know your defenders are going to come out of the woodwork and claim I am blowing it out of proportion, but you and I know that isn't the truth. Grab reality by the GD balls and go with it.
What are you waiting for?
I don't think my comment saved.
The gist of what I said was that I think I do much of the same things you do in these situations. I prefer to move on with my life when I drift apart from friends.
I also mentioned that I understand writing to get things out of our heads and don't think anyone should judge you for that.
Cg, I am a prime proponent of the 'regret I can't come' card with money or a gift. They actually preserve friendships. ;)
Women relate differently. So, you are right to let it drift, esp when she is keyed up with now wedding stuff. She would use your honest speech of goodbye as a reason to act daffy.
Later, you might have to deal with it. But if she is like most newly-wed chicks, you won't hear from her.
There is no need to spend time on the playground or pushing strollers, if you don't want to.
Nor should you feel obligated to keep up with people that you just don't have anything in common.
Most will lose touch with you, as you are not with the program.
I like to have a clear line with people that matter. So, I will deal with it-yes or no. The ones who don't, oh well.
I have nothing to say on SB--I don't get involved with complex emotional issues, as my degree is not in counseling.
@wingnut - well, that was quite a post...i had to think about how to reply to that...i hope my words convey accurately my thoughts..
who are you referring to when you say that i need to "let these folks see how i feel"...the friends i once had from elementary to middle to high school?...i did not go into that, but there was a large group of us that were very close for a very long time...while i do not feel that we have much in common any longer aside from our past history, they are actually good people with good intentions...it isnt their fault that i have no desire to resume those relationships...i have no desire to "sanitize" who i am but i also have no desire to burn bridges unnecessarily...my response has been that i wish them well but currently have my hands full...
as to the friend that is getting married, we were good friends for 8 years before the disagreement...we were both at fault in the end...people have questioned why i bothered to send anything at all...this may sound cliche, but i come from the south and little courtesies go a long way...was it necessary?...no, not really...but it is the "right thing" to do, whether you understand that fully or not...
what would you have me let go of?....
i write to make sense of my world...i would think you could understand that if you knew me at all...
do think i am too busy writing instead of facing reality?...
i am not quite sure what prompted such a definitive comment from you...
cg
@comfy - thank you for your words...it actually feels somewhat reassuring that you and i are similar in that aspect of letting friends drift away as we move on with our lives...i dont typically ruminate on the good times, but i do remember them with good feelings of the times...
yes, i do write to get things out of my head...if not, i spend too much time thinking about them and getting confused...when i can put my thoughts out there in written form, they get out of my head and then i can always go back to them if i need to for whatever reason...
it's a process, i think, of organizing one's thoughts and using that to deal with the emotional part of those thoughts...
thank you again...
cg
@aneris - no response here is needed...lol...we spent enough time texting back and forth on it!!...
thanks for being such a goober!
:)
cg
Sometimes you feel like a nut. other times, you are!
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