let me count the ways

let me count the ways how i do love thee...that is a twist of the famous words by emily dickinson (note: those words are actually taken from a song i once sang many years ago by norman dello joio)

this song has been in my head a lot lately...if you have never heard this version it is very beautiful and has a jazzy, soulful quality to it (it was written in 1954)...trying to find this version online in some audio format has proven quite challenging as there are a TON of musicians that have set this poem to music)

what is it about music that has always held me in thrall?...clear, pure, simple melodies darkened by full, rich harmonies bring my ears to orgasm every time...for years i sang....classical music in so many different languages (i never did like singing in french)...how do you tell a person that the hours a day you would practice your vocalises and music were the most blissful times...at that time in my life...if i had to choose between sex and music...sorry, but music would win hands down...

there was a surging power that would flow from within me to the outside world...i didnt do it for anyone but myself..in fact, performances, as exciting as they were, made me intensely nervous...the rush was amazing...i felt as if i were absorbing the energy from around me...everyone contributed to my music-making this way...

part of studying voice is the constant stretching and toning of your abilities...years of no practice have left my voice miles away from where it used to be...it is decent enough and passable for singing along with the radio but i am unable to sustain a line or to extend to my previous vocal range...

and yet...after a few minutes of concentrated vocal exercises my voice begins to warm...the body remembers how to breathe again....my range slowly extends into the upper register...what had sounded thin and unsupported minutes ago, now begins to sound full and controlled....

i miss it....words cannot express how much...for so long it was more than a part of me...it was me...i was the voice at all hours of the day and night...humming, singing, testing, stretching...to not have it there in my life at all...that passion is missing....dont get me wrong...i have many passions...but this was one of my first true passions...

like anything in life, if you want to truly pursue something you must make a full commitment and incorporate it into your life...i dont necessarily desire to spend literally hours a day singing, but i would like to be able to sing mozart's requiem, dello joio's "how do i love thee" and so many others without wonder and worry over every single note...

i want to feel that rush as the air moves through me...lifting the music out of me...i want to be like the tree i can see right now outside of my window...the branches and leaves moving gracefully by the force and strength of the breeze...i want to be the song again....

cg