luck?

do things happen for a reason?...is there such a thing as luck or a charmed life of sorts?...perfection is in the attainment...not the product...i consider myself lucky and yet instead of appreciating it i have come to depend on it...i routinely engage myself in situations that push me to the limits of my abilities...deliberately...in the back of my mind every instance is a test...will i make it out this time?....will everything fall into place the way the do every time?...

and yet...i love it...i love knowing that i am putting myself into situations that could cause a lot of trouble for myself...because a part of me never doubts that i will find some creative way out...i do not like to do things because others do them...it irks me to oblige others simply because it is expected...what?...you say the sky is blue?...i will never admit it...

there is no greater high than stripping away all the boundaries and seeing the flood rise and lick at my feet...because only then can i do what i do best...move fast and think hard...and know that in that moment's decision...the right one was made...for me...

i deliberately present myself in situations that could have been avoided...and i know it...and yet i cannot help it...i am drawn to it...oddly enough...it never involves anyone else...i create dramatic situations for myself that no one fully understands or realizes....and if they did i dont think that i would really care...because it isnt about them....or the situation...it is about testing and challenging myself to race against time and the elements by using only my wits...

so what happens when time runs out...

cg