Sunday, October 26, 2008

tease and denial

i read a recent post over at bdenied that invited me to take a closer look on my evolving view of all things sexual...he essentially explained the difference between tease and denial and flat out denial...

and he summed it up pretty well...

a part of me has always been intrigued by this sort of sexual play, even though i did not fully understand what i was doing or follow through most of the time...i just knew that some things just didnt work as far as turning me on...

example: soldier boy, while sweet and kind, would sometimes try "dirty talk" with me...but calling me a "slut" had me disinterested and bored...not angry or irritated...BORED...he would immediately gauge my disinterest..."i can tell you didnt like that"...

example: trying to get me to say/do things i do not want to do lowers my arousal to almost nothing...i know for some, that coercion factor can be a great sexual ploy...but for me it wasnt...i became that woman that just wants to hurry up and get it over with...it was unthrilling...and maybe that is why so many women do move to this place...because they are in sexual relationships that are not fulfilling all their needs...not just physical...maybe because they dont know what they need and only think that they do...

i had, however, been in a very brief relationship (which i have mentioned before) maybe two or three years ago (probably closer to three) when i was with a male nurse who really enjoyed a more forceful female...now here i got a serious thrill...he had obviously been experienced with a dominant woman...sometimes, i would tease him and not let him cum...i would tell him not to touch himself for long periods of time and he ENJOYED this...and so did i...i would just tell him "you cant touch yourself, because i'm not ready"....or..."you cant cum until i tell you to"...

had i always been this way?...i'll admit, in the past i had toyed with the tease and denial but i was not experienced enough and i think most men in general arent prepared to allow a woman with that kind of control sexually...

men want women to be free sexually, but they dont always realize that for some of us, to be free sexually, is to be allowed to take control...to dictate and to give their partner the gift of being able to let go...i do not like being controlled sexually...it does nothing for me...my thoughts drift to the non-sexual and i lose interest...fast...

what drives me in the tease/denial is that i enjoy pushing that other person to certain places they would not normally consider...i know how aroused they become and that makes me even more aroused myself...i want them to feel sexually stimulated to a breaking point where they cant think...where they are in it to see just how far they can go...

i know that i am setting the pace for their sexual energy to blossom...and i know that i can control how high and low the energy will hum...

for both of us...

cg

6 curious people say...:

Merlin said...

Everybody's different, cg. An essential skill for lovers is to find out what a potential partner wants, by listening carefully to what he/she says, by watching his/her behavior, by experimenting in a non-coercive, non-threatening way. If that's also what YOU want, then there's potential. If not, time to move on.

Soldier Boy hadn't learned this when he was with you. You have. Don't settle for less than what you want and need. You will find it.

bdenied said...

CG: Thanks for the plug. I really liked the female perspective. I liked your perspective and attitude towards the tease and denial and its obvious you really get it. Ill tell you this much your post aroused me....very much and do you know the end result....?

mnwhr said...

Knowing your likes/dislikes is key. I think that sometimes men feel we are supposed to know what a woman wants and when we try something she doesn't like we've failed.

Sucre Bebe said...

Oh Cg...or should I call you DG-Dominant Girl?

Emma Kelly said...

Hi cg,

I mentioned in a comment at bdenied's blog that teasing and denial seems to me to be akin to foreplay in women. Whereas women need to have their arousal levels wooed upward...built, so to speak, men on the other hand peak quickly and the danger for them is to rush past the point of no return without getting as much out of the journey as they could. T & D slows them down and teaches them to engage with their feelings.

Lot's of men are afraid of "feelings" and want to charge through that phase of the experience and just carve another notch on their gun.

Best,

scott
Mrs. Kelly's Playhouse

the_beast_within said...

the fact that you enjoy the teasing and denial as much as the sub partner does is a very nice bonus. Many people will play the top or Dom but not get what the power and control exchange means and does. Orgasm control and denial can be extremely fun, stimulating, frustrating, and rewarding to both people, as you found out.